There is an App for that

Friday afternoon my sugar daddy did about the coolest thing he has ever done and I have since become about the coolest mom on the block.

You see, prior to Friday I didn't care at all about technology. I'd be fine not owning a television and I'd still own the first version of a cell phone - you know the brick looking one in a bag - if it weren't for my clumsiness with anything of value. But when Brad came walking in the door last Friday about to pull the biggest surprise he has yet to pull - my archaic ways went out the front door. I am now the proud owner of an iphone. Let me say that again - I have an iphone. I don't know how to do anything on it except take a picture and send it to poor grandmothers who have always said they want more pictures but didn't know that meant I would send them a photo every half hour of B eating a banana, kissing his brother, trying to tie his shoe, walking down the stairs, eating a snack, smiling, not smiling and everything else in between.

Granted, I was really hoping for a new pair of shoes should I have found any extra cash laying around but I am more giddy that daddy-o took it upon himself to surprise me with a gift that I didn't pick out. I have worn the same 2 pairs of shoes throughout my two pregnancies and though the condition is still pretty good - I don't want anything to do with anything maternity anymore. But the shoes can wait. In fact, I am sure there is some kind of App that will actually find the perfect pair of shoes for me and notify me when they have arrived on my doorstep. Seriously - there is an app for everything! And...I am now convinced that any nursing mama MUST have an iphone to get through the middle of the night feedings. William and I read important things about the world (ie - catch up on blogs) and we work with numbers (play suduko) in the wee hours of the morning and I know we are smarter from this activity. Then today Brooks found an app to entertain him during our walk outside and though he turns the sound off every 34 seconds - he is sure to learn some new words with the Baby Flash card app. I was convinced that this was the ultimate of gifts today when I downloaded Pandora Radio during our walk and I listened to some uplifting music for the last 20 minutes of my walk. The sun was out, the boys were sleeping, I was pushing 80 pounds up hill and visualizing my shrinking waist line all the while the iphone was on overdrive - singing to me, calculating my calories burned and miles walked, informing me when very important emails had been sent my way, and taking a picture or two every so often just to capture the perfect moment.

Thank you, dear husband, for knowing exactly what I needed to get me through this adventure with two under two. I'm forever a believer in your zany quest for the newest/latest high tech gadget of the moment. Is there an app to remind you to surprise me like that again in a few months? I love surprises more!

Awkward blog-woman

Hello my name is ________ _______________ and I don't know how to do normal things anymore. Things as normal as brushing my teeth in the proper hour or talking to a dear friend on the phone. When I am in the grocery store I forget where my usual things are located and often around the house I walk in a circle from the bedroom through the kitchen to the bathroom just to look for the garbage can. I am not exaggerating either. I am coming to grips with my incessant awkwardness but hoping in the back of my mind that this is all just temporary.
And more than ever before I dream of writing. I've written on napkins or in journals or on torn notebook paper and now in a blog since I learned my letters, seriously. I still have my first pink journal with my name painted on the front that I received from the pink elephant in Brandon, Florida when I was maybe 7. I wrote secrets about who my best friends were and how much I liked going to Disney World with my family. In middle school I would keep names that I liked that I would one day plan to name my children. None of them have actually worked because I only named girls in my journal and I don't know how to make girl babies. Then in high school things took a much deeper twist - writing about everything from the tragic death of one of my dear friends to the bliss of young high school love. College was again a different story with a journal a semester dedicated to the "me" that I was discovering I wanted to be. I love looking back at those ramblings and seeing how silly I was about boys but how wise I was about more serious matters of the heart - especially when it came to my faith in God. I love seeing the path He has had me on since my meandering days in Athens. Anyway, I have letters to myself from those days and letters to people that have never been sent all stored on my computer and then after college I did something I never thought I'd do....I began sharing my love of writing and my need to not feel alone in my thoughts with the world wide web - thanks to a dear friend and long term blogger-extraordinaire - Charlsie. I loved that first blog to pieces. It filled a space at the time that nothing else could fill. I truly loved reading over my words and laughing at myself on most occasions. For reasons not fully known I abruptly stopped writing on that blog and I still remember the day I did like the day that my closest friend had just left me high and dry with no way to be contacted. Somehow my exit from the blogging world temporarily led me to a boy that I married and then I found my writing time to be even more on the decline. I had always thought though that when I really found love all I would want to do is write about the joys of love and attraction. I did write a journal for my husband to be during our engagement but some of the entries were more out of duty to myself. Anyway, the same thing with kids - I'd think i'd have bajillions of amazing thoughts to write about - and maybe I do - but of course there is little time and now I am just left feeling awkward.

So, here I sit.... I have about 55 minutes to myself until there is one more dependent to be fed and put to "bed" (which is only about a 3.5hour event right now) and all I want to do is write about motherhood and the fun weekend we had as a family of 4 and how I cry over spilled milk these days and I can't complete a sentence because I am so tired but how the Lord has been so merciful to me in hearing my cries to defeat my insomnia that I had experienced. And I want to write about my favorite recipes and my dreams and what I want to do for my 30th birthday and I want to post cute pictures of the two little boys in my life. But the truth is everything that once seemed normal now just seems awkward. As I write the room around me is spinning because I am so tired and the thoughts keep bouncing around my head with no consistency. I long to sit and write beautifully once again and maybe even move someone or chuckle to myself over my own sillyness but for now - just bare with me.....things are still very un-normal around here and I am still very much lost in this new world. There are certainly moments that have surprised even me - where I pinch myself and hold back the tears because the picture is just too sweet. . . a 75 degree Saturday and a selfless husband throwing the ball with his 15 month old son all the while a newborn snoozes inside the Baby bjourn. Add the smell of hotdogs grilling and the sound of the bulldawgs playing on tv and things are good. Like sooo good and better than I ever knew they could be. You see, I have taken in all of the warnings of how hard this would be. But then there is today where there was literally not one moment to even have a thought about anything other than milk, a diaper, or spit up. And while I tried my best all day to live in the hour and not start to wonder about the future - or when I might ever get to read a book or let alone brush my teeth - today was hard. This is going to be a challenge and my hands are full but I do still know and rest in the truth that this is God's plan for me and it is a good one - no matter how hard.

And that is my awkward situation in a nutshell. I am still in a fog and still trying to wrap my arms around this new life, literally, and my new "life" with two little boys and little free time to......let's say - blog and post cute pictures. I expect that things will be more settled in six weeks or so but until then just ignore much of what I say on here. I'll return but in the mean time we are enjoying this new story and really really craving sleep! Good night, friends!
Your truly,
Awkward in Atlanta

It does take a village

My left leg is shaky and my eyes keep bolting from one side of the house to the back porch. No, I don't have any rare disease that I know of but I do have the "quiet-house-aphobia." I feel it those few times during the week when everything in the house is quiet but the dishwasher and Amos snoring. This shouldn't be the case, right? There are two little people in this abode and everyone warned me about the chaos that I was going to experience. Don't get me wrong - there are moments of utter chaos like this morning when one little guy pooped in my lap as I was feeding him all the while his brother was walking around "cleaning" things with his syrupy hands. Thank you, brother, for your help. Usually the chaos only sneaks up a few times during the day when it just so happens that two boys are hungry or two boys are waking up and wanting undivided attention. Otherwise, this is manageable. With help that is....manageable with truly the help of a village.
In the past week we have had neighbors bring us dinners, take our dog out for a play date. yes, I said, dog. What kind of friends even want to love on your dog when a new baby enters the picture? We've had mommy's come take Brooks for rides in the car or a morning out. We've had our mothers cook, clean, wipe noses and bottoms, shop, and not sleep all in the name of selfless help. We've had friends drop off gifts and lunch and offer to take our laundry to the local laundry man. I know the newness of our new life with two kids will soon die and so will the phone calls and the visitors but until then I am truly soaking up all of the support that our "village" has offered these past several weeks. Honestly, two or five kids is doable if you have the help from friends, neighbors, and family that we have had since William arrived.
My heart really is so full. I know my last post was all about being grateful and I know you don't want to tune into me every week (and now only about once a week) to hear my sappy stories of joy and gratitude but when the house is this quiet and clean and there is supper on the way and lunch was just brought to me - all I can feel is thankful. Thank you, everyone, for being our village during this transition.
And, now, I am seriously going to shut my eyes and enjoy the quiet. Amen!
Here are a few shots from the best help we had living with us all last week. We miss you, grandma!

Grateful

One day sometime soon I hope to recount the last 4 weeks. They have been tremendous weeks in so many different ways. Of course the birth of a child is monumental by itself but along with that special day there have been some rich lessons and memories that I hope I never forget. Some of them so syrupy-sweet and a few of them so low that I hope to never feel that way again. I always love looking back on past blogs or in a journal from years ago and seeing where God has brought me and how he has taught me something even in the midst of chaos or turmoil. So, for that reason - I do hope I find some time in between size 1 and size 4 diapers and sponge bathing and bubble baths to write down my sentiments from the last several weeks.

What I can say today is that I am so grateful. My heart is as full as my eyes are heavy and my mind is as at rest as my body is tired. I can certainly say that I am more grateful for a few little things that I may not have even recognized had the last few weeks not gone the way they had.

I am grateful to fall asleep on my own. Never before did I think I would be so giddy to have 2.5 hours of sleep at night but after walking through some unwanted late pregnancy and post-delivery insomnia I am truly thrilled to wake up at 1:11am to the sound of a crying newborn knowing that I had actually fallen asleep, without any medicine, even if for only 2.5 hours. This is still a battle I will fight for a little while I am sure. Every night I get a little anxious just thinking about falling asleep but each night since Sunday it has gotten a little easier and my mind is a little less occupied with what used to be so natural. I am so grateful for this small thing.

I am grateful for the clean laundry and the dishes that have been put away since our first day back from the hospital. Brad's precious mom is here now playing a 2nd mom to Brooks and doing anything and everything around the house. We are certainly being spoiled by all of her help and the help we had last week from Grandma-Nise. I know next week will be a harsh jump back into reality as I am sure the dishes and laundry will not even be thought about until we are truly out of underwear but this week I am just soaking up the help and the attention that Brooks is getting. This has been a feat in itself and another beautiful lesson learned over these past several weeks....to receive and accept the help that so many people are willing to offer without any guilt! I am so grateful for this small thing, too.....a clean house and a constant companion for Brooks.

These may have been small things to me before but these weeks have given me a whole new perspective and caused me to truly be grateful for blessings large and small. And because everyone likes a list - here are a few more.....
*My mushy yet not round tummy that I can lay on at night to sleep. It has not felt my bed sheets in two years and it is so happy to get to do so.
*A blue ribbon on my mailbox. Our house certainly hasn't felt like a house with a new arrival inside until the last few days as we hid out for a week and had few visitors. Now that the visitors are rolling around and there is a bow on the mailbox all seems normal and celebratory. Thank you.
*The lack of heart burn and constant acid reflux that had become my daily visitor
*Barney and Friends. I never thought I'd say that but the biggest brother has a new fixation and it gives the little brother and me time to eat breakfast
*A cold beer. I ordered my own last night at dinner. I don't know that I have ever ordered a beer at dinner but I think I will start. I felt so grown up and non-pregnant. Ahhhh.....
*The idea that fall is around the corner. Last night a sweet friend brought us a yummy soup for dinner and everything about it screamed fall. I don't care that it is still 90 degrees outside - I am so ready for football Saturdays (whether or not we experience them from our living room), cooler temperatures and the ability to get out with the boys in the middle of the day, and the return of some kind of normalcy to our daily routine. We are also planning to take our summer vacation this fall to Seaside and I am so ready!
*A shower. I am about to shower and I can't tell you how good it is to see my toes. This time around I don't miss one bit the kicks and the hiccups and the feel of a pregnant belly. I LOVE seeing my toes and bending over in the shower to pick up the soap! It's truly the little things and I am so glad that these last weeks have given me a whole new appreciation for those little things.

William is here!

Oh goodness, I am having 14 thoughts at one time. Our little boy is here and he has been here a week now. William was born last Monday at 2:38pm and was a perfect 7lbs and 15ounces. I never thought I'd be the blogger who doesn't log on for a week after the birth of a child. I remember reading other beloved blogs wondering why that mama friend of mine hadn't let the world wide web know about the arrival of a new person! Well, honestly, I'd love to have written a sweet post from the hospital but we were just too exhausted and we decided to hide out for a few days....which turned into a week of hiding out at home and at the only hospital better than Northside - my mom's house. We are finally home today and have had our closest day to normal - yet.

I have too many thoughts from this past week to even begin to organize them into something pretty for you to read so here are some thoughts to chew on for a little bit.

*William makes me like newborns again. Oh my, he is just the cutest little thing and I love getting love on him as much as I can. I know he is our little blessing from God and even in his one week here he has brought us all together in such a sweet way.
*Brooks seems like a 5 year old to me still! I think he should be able to sit and talk about the Braves with me and not turn over his french fries like a toddler would.
*Brooks doesn't like me much these days but I'll grow on him again I am sure in the weeks to come.
*Having family and dear friends have taken on a whole new meaning to me....if it weren't for our friends and family this week we honestly would all be in a very not good place.
*The big man of the house has been such a rock this past week, and a good mama to B, and a good house keeper, and the most encouraging "other half" I could have imagined.
*I really want to go to the grocery store and buy all the brands I like to buy and take my time in the aisles. When will this happen? Is it odd that that is all I want to do right now.
*All the babies are sleeping right now and I just had the thought "this is nothing.....I've got this thing down." Ha.
*I should sleep but I am craving "normalcy" so badly that I can't shut the computer or turn off the phone
*Prayer is powerful and the prayers of so many this week for my rest and sleep have been felt and answered. I feel like a new woman today even if is due to one night of sleep out of the last month. I'll take anything and I give all of the praise to my Heavenly Father who knows the rest I need.
*Everything is different this time around.....everything. More on that later, too.
*William and I have the opposite problem - he can't wake up for anything and I can't fall asleep if you paid me. I look at him so cozy and snoozing, though, and somehow I feel rested. Thank you, sweet baby.

Okay, he is here. We are alive. God is so good to us for blessing us in this way and for going before us as we walk through this season of raising two boys (and maybe dealing with a mom who doesn't know how to fall asleep!) I feel so dearly loved and grateful for our story...

Soon enough!

I wish I had a cute picture to post of Brad and I on our doorstep with my pillow in hand and my fully belly protruding to it's final peak just minutes before we drove to the hospital to be induced and hours before our new son was born. I'm pretty sure any picture from the next 72 hours will be due to the craftsmanship of someone photo shopping my eyes to be open so it doesn't look like I missed the event.
This will conclude the 4th night without my body feeling sleep. I have felt lots of "rest" so I am grateful for that. My sweet mama rubbed my head for an hour yesterday and I got the most comfortable I've been in weeks but still my mind won and I lay awake just thinking about how desperately I want to sleep.
So yesterday when we got the call that today (in a few hours) we were to check ourselves in at the "baby birth delivery place' as Brad so eloquently called it on the phone the other day in his own state of exhaustion )aka - hospital) I was slightly hysterical. Brad can edit this later and tell you how I really was but I don't have adequate words right now. It wasn't pretty and certainly not my picture of "our sweet night before induction." It was as if the last 10 months finally seemed really real and I kind of fell apart. Luckily, Brad has been my rock and he had just the plan for my weary state - food and exercise! We walked our neighborhood together and talked and went to 3 different places to find exactly what we wanted on our last of dinners as a family of 3 and we prayed for today. And, honestly, I got in bed early last night with the most peace I have had in weeks and not one thought about the morning. More so, I just felt genuine joy that the Lord had brought us full cirlce to a place of excitement and anticipation for what was to come.
And though it is now 4:39 and I only have one eye half open to write this and I am only even writing this because I can't walk from the couch to the bed to the kitchen one more time and I can't lay awake any longer - I know as I have said all along that my Father in Heaven knows these details and He has gone before each step and each day of this pregnancy. We look forward to sharing our news with you our precious friends and family tomorrow and we covet all of the prayers and phone calls that we have certainly felt this weekend. We know that when we are weak, God is strong and I am so much more confident in having a strong God to go before me in a few hours than a few hours of sleep under my belt and a little energy of my own.

As many of you have mentioned that you are continuing to pray for us - here are a few requests:
-That in the days and weeks to come my sleep would be restored and that even the few hours in the night that I get to sleep off and on would be rejuvenating and replenishing
-That the little B man would be comforted by all of the sweet people watching over him during this transition and that his heart would be excited and ready to meet a little brother
-That the doctors and nurses would be courteous and make decisions wisely (this sounds odd but in this state of delirium I really pray that we are surrounded by sensitive care givers that understand the effects of the lack of sleep I have experienced)
-That the baby would show no signs of sickness from GBS (you can look it up if you are interested)
-That God would be glorified in every way through the birth of this new life

Thank you, friends, for walking along side of us. I can't wait to get my hands on this little person and never let him go as I assure him of his perfect purpose in our lives. We cherish your encouragement and prayers.

In the meantime, I'll leave you with a few shots of the man in charge for the next few days. I am not worried one bit that things won't get taken care of......