Paralyzed

Two babies.
Asleep.
For two hours....going on two hours and fifteen minutes.
Unprecedented.
And I am stuck.
Paralyzed.

What to do with myself?

Little guy is 6 weeks today!

Oh, and we still have a newborn. I know you still hear alot of the older crazy child but the baby is still here. I'll give you the quick update......
sleep spitup eat spitup spitup sleep poo sleep eat poo spitup spitup spitup SMILE poo poo poo sleep sleep sleep poo spitup

But we love him dearly and that one smile has made it all worth it........Happy 6 weeks little William! We've all survived...hooray!

Susie homemaker...not so much

I'll occasionally run across a perfect mom/wife/homemaker through one of the blogs I (used to) read daily. I would read stories of homemade finger paint, handmade presents for friends, and freshly cooked bread for the family along with an occasional pattern to make dresses for a daughter or a blog on how to clip coupons and save a million dollars in a year. I don't turn away from the perfection of a perfect blog woman with disgust or even envy. I just never have wanted to be that mom/wife/lady or atleast I never knew I did but somewhere deep below my haphazard attempts at motherhood and wife hood I probably do want to be that perfect-looking woman for atleast one day just to see what it tastes like. I'd even end my day rubbing my husbands weary shoulders and asking him about the affairs of the office if I were ever really that woman. But on every other day but today even my pinky toe can't do the right thing with the right heart behind it to make someone think we're the All-American picture of the perfect family.

Well, ladies, today may have just been my day. Before noon I had actually cleaned my house or atleast if you took a picture it would look that way. We may have all still been in our pajamas but we had sorted colored blocks with Brooks - aka - learned something. We had given Will-I-Am some tummy time and "mirror time" - aka - tended to the needs of a newborn. And we had even played fetch with the furry guy....yes, all before noon. For lunch we made a feast out of the few morsels of food left in the house hence leaving me feeling even more crafty and efficient than I do on my normal eat-out-for-three-meals-despite-having-just-gone-to-the-store type of day. Then, this afternoon we hit the neighborhood park like any other perfect-looking family would do...we sang songs on the way there and even picked a few flowers for the table on the way home. Big B came home early and drove up to the park and of course he too looked like the perfect little selfless daddy that he is just to add to our seemingly pretty picture. Oh, and I made a quiche tonight. That's right. A real live quiche. It certainly had more red pepper than a real (not fake like me) perfect mom would have thrown in there without measuring but it was a quiche and it was pretty and that is what matters here today on my rare day of Susie-homemaker bliss.

But.....this is what happens at dinner time despite all of my attempts at perfection today. And I would beg to argue that every seemingly perfect household has an occasional day that ends just like this and there is nothing you can do about it but laugh and try again tomorrow, right?

16 months...what a pretty number!

I love even numbers. Therefore I will probably like our second son more than the first because his birthday is so pretty. 8-16-10....nice and even. Everything about the rest of our family and my life is odd numbered. If I knew the slightest thing about karma or feng shui (I obviously don't even know how to spell it) then I would attribute any chaos in my daily routine (which there is never any) to my overloaded environment of odd, ugly numbers.
Today the big man turned 16 months. You could tell from his first bite of waffle this morning that he knew it was his day to celebrate and that his mama would let him do whatever he pleased because she was in even-numbered-euphoria. Sidenote -The waffle ended up in the curtains and from that first throw the day followed the same pattern. Nonetheless, I was feeling a little sentimental and reflective today so I pretty much let him get away with anything just less than terrorizing his little brother. As I have said every month and will continue to say every month to follow....I love this month! I truly am enjoying this stage B is in....discovering, watching, mimicking, pretending, making the world his world. He is so much fun to watch throughout the day and I do just pray as I've prayed over and over and over that I don't miss this stage. As you can imagine it is much easier to miss a stage now that there is another one in his own very different stage. But hold me accountable......

Here are just a few of my favorite things to remember:
*He loves stacking things and knocking them down
*He shows us his "happy feet" all day long now (thanks to his friend, Lee)
*He finally learned to drink out of a straw thanks to Nise feeding his sweet tea
*Uh-oh is his favorite thing to say (and lucky for us - not "duck" anymore)
*He chases Amos around the house even though Amos pays him no attention
*He can slide down the slide on his own and he will do this all day long if I let him (and usually I do while I am inside feeding the baby or cleaning up)
*Which leads to the next favorite thing - he truly can play on his own and loves to entertain himself....thank goodness!
*He has started fake laughing at anything but mostly not funny things
*He loves bubble baths until all of his skin is pruny and falling off
*He loves his daddy and loves watching him leave and greeting him when he gets home. They still wrestle on the bed each night to wind down.
*He has my rhythm and likes to dance
*He may or may not eat too much sugar as a stranger at the park informed me the other day. Thank you, sassy stranger, but we are doing just fine without the comments!
*He isn't the biggest fan of school just yet but I am told after his initial 15 minutes of screaming he forgets about me and loves the playground and music time.
*He likes butter beans. I HATE BUTTER BEANS! But I just love that he loves something that tastes like chalk....maybe that means he will like more tasty veggies in the years to come.
*Oh, and he is obsessed with shoes. He could spend 40 minutes trying to put his shoes on and after he has tried and tried again he will go get dads shoes and take a shot at dads feet....and then mine....and then yours if you are visiting. He obviously doesn't have my severe hatred towards feet.

B-man, you make me young! You keep me on my toes and you remind me each day that God has a purpose in me being your mother. You also bring joy to any small situation. You are my little buddy and my lunch date each day and I don't think anyone could fill that role better.

I know, I know, I know

The picture on the scroll bar needs to be updated as things in our lives have been updated. And I know that the blog name is no longer fitting for our family of 3 B's and a W. I know, people, and I can assure you that before there are 5 of us I will have these things fixed.
But for now, I am just enjoying the slight return to a new somewhat normal. Yesterday and today were the closest things to normal (aka - heaven) right now. I had a little bit of all the good things...sleep, exercise, quiet time to myself, time to clean and organize, and of course, Cafe at Pharr. So as much as I do walk around wanting to chronicle these first weeks with W and these fun weeks with B - I am doing what I tell other mommy's to do - don't miss it.....enjoy it and soak it all in!

For the record though, W smiled at me this evening. It was a big ole goofy smile and it did melt my heart the very same way Brooks' first smile brought me to tears. I know it sounds crazy but I actually am realizing/accepting/admitting/acknowledging that we have a new child in our family today. I thought I was before but today I feel it....and it feels so good!

Any suggestions for a new blog name? Technically we are all still "B's" so I could easily just have 4 B's in a pod but at some point I know the pod has to stop expanding. Thoughts????

New mercies each morning

I have felt like a big haired sweet grandma lately. (Neither of my grandmas have big hair and nor do they come to mind when I describe the lady I am picturing). It's more like your sweet granny that makes her own jelly and has a home remedy for everything and could spend every moment at church or the beauty parlor. You see, every day I have made the comment that "God has given me new mercies each day" and yes, I coined it from the lady I am talking about and it has truly been my theme song each day these last several weeks.
Today my new mercy is the extra piece of chocolate pound cake that one of my grandmothers sent home with my mom yesterday. It has made the perfect pre-breakfast snack during the perfect up-before-everyone-else kind of morning. Praise God for chocolate cake!
Yesterday my little mercy was the sheer fact that I had fallen asleep on my own the night before and therefore, spent one less night than I had expected roaming the house wondering when the insomnia might truly be gone. And once again today, I woke up after more than 6 hours of sleep in a row! This sounds normal to most of you but to a few of you that have walked this journey with me you know this is a huge gift for me. I haven't seen more than 4 hours of sleep in a row without taking any medicine to fall asleep in over two months. Can I get an Amen?
Despite walking through this bittersweet season of life (sweet of course because of the natural joy a newborn brings to a heart and of course bitter from this ongoing battle with insomnia) I have truly felt rested and my heart has been at peace.....all because of the mercies - big and small - that I get each new day and each new morning. Sunday was a rough day all the way around in our house. The whole house didn't sleep and it was obvious from the clothes stuffed in corners, the diapers on the floor, and the spit up and other bodily excretions all over me and Brad and the house. Yummy. I'll never forget that day. We were falling apart all day long and the more we tried to pull ourselves together the more we fell apart. But leave it to Super-Dad to salvage our day and the weekend. He put on his Mr. Rogers sweater and reminded me and the boys that attitude is 98% responsible for our outlook, while circumstance is the other 2%. The circumstances this particular Sunday were not favorable but our attitude was footloose and fancy free. We got out of the house and even snuck in a 20 minute nap in the car on the way to the park (yes, all of us....windows down napping in the car in a parking lot). Brad and I were able to enjoy a nice dinner (even though one of the babies had to sit through dinner in his diaper due to the above mentioned excretions) and that night we got the house back in order and vowed to start anew the next day.
So, yes, Brad, I agree....attitude is everything and I have been so grateful for your refreshing attitude lately. Yes, things are a little hectic around here lately. Things aren't in their right places and there is little quiet time to be found but I know this is just a season and soon enough we will wonder where the watermelon-stained clothes have gone to and where the nose and commotion went? Soon enough these boys will be picking me up and putting me where they want me (as my sweet mother in law has reminded me) and we'll both have a little less say-so in our day to day agenda.

Oh, yall, I am so grateful that God gives me the grace enough each day to handle exactly what the day may hold. Thank you for each new morning and each new mercy and for the lack of guilt I feel as I finish off my pound cake.