17 days into 2013

And the only thing I know for certain is that the ground is wet.

I like to think I have the ability to dance, sing, or bake my way into happiness even after 6 days of rain but no amount of boxed cakes and new music can beat these winter blues this week. Excuse me for my little bout of SeasonAffectiveDisorder but I just can't take rain boots and drive through trips to the bank anymore. We are floating away here in Atlanta and with each passing hour of rain I think I lose a little more ambition to ever do anything more than watch morning television like I'm getting paid. I even considered calling in to the Kelly and Michael show yesterday....starting to feel a little too "close" to the only adult conversation I've had this week. And, I tell no lies - we have not changed our pajamas all week long. Day 1 and 2 of the rain were quite refreshing....laziness coupled with extensive time rolling on the floor with the babies and the excuse to cook soup and drink hot chocolate. But yesterday we hit a wall and the teller at the bank and my drive through laundry friend both refused to talk to me again on my 2nd trip of the day.

But......there are a few take aways from our week in the rain that I'll put down in the books.
*Our older boys are pure entertainment these days...for me and for eachother. Yesterday I finally went to check on them after surely more than an hour of quiet from the basement. They had made a car and of course the oldest was driving while the youngest was taking pictures of the zebras. They were driving to get hot chocolate they said. I was pretty sad to not have been included for the past hour because I shorty realized that their pretend world was way better than my 4th segment of The Dr's telling me about the flu epidemic. Then yesterday during the time when I had anticipated all would nap and I would actually find my way out of my pajamas, the boys instead played hookie from that desirable nap. They both stayed in their rooms thankfully (for way longer than should be allowed). This is the conversation I heard....{William} "Broooooooooooks! Brooks Bag-y-well! Wee-yum needs you! Brooooooooks!" The little man called his brother using his first and last name for maybe 40 minutes. The rule following, oldest child sat at his door and just repeated over and over "Lillam (which is William in 3 year old talk), I can not come help you. Mommy will get mad at you and you will not get to eat oatmeal and we will have a consequence and we will never get to go to grandmas or have treats." Geez! Whoever is the mama to these poor boys is certainly a little too intense! Anyway, moral of this story - the two oldest boys are certainly getting to that divine place where they LOVE playing with eachother, they are wildly imaginitive, and they don't always need me! If I could only now take advantage of these sweet hours of relief and get-something-done! For the love....





*Ironically, just as the two older boys are entering the world of childhood play, the littlest weeble is needing me to do things for him! Seriously, I didn't sign up for this. I signed up for a chunky, immobile, always happy, and easily entertained 6 month old. I was surely thinking as my 3rd boy that he would just jump into self care straight from the womb. Now I can barely walk out of the room without the chubster yelling for me. Literally. It's not a cry. It's a half grunt and half squeal that makes you turn around in your tracks and run to see what could be the awful matter. If I so as turn my head towards the terrible shows that have been on this week in our living room, the once-self soothed little boy stomps his feet, kicks his legs, and makes "that" sound until I turn to him and acknowledge his cuteness. What have I created? This all must be planned. I start to feel some breathing room in my daily routine and sure enough the littlest man, grows up, needs real food, and wants someone to look at him all day! (And all joking aside - I do love it! It just doesn't help my quest for even slight productivity.)







All this self sufficient talk has me sounding like a waste of a mother. That's okay. It's just the rain soaking up all of my creativity, energy, and ambition for things other than processed foods, reused clothing, and useless television. Yesterday I did hit an all time low. I will use this (not so forgiving place called the internet) as a confessional. Here's the gist of it....


I'm sure if the floods ever surmise I'll get back to those 60 phalanges that need to be tended to and I'll actually care if we eat something other than a carbohydrate (and I'll stop hiding in the bath tub) but for now it is still raining. We are still in our pajamas and The Dr's is about to start. Bring on the life altering information. Atleast we know what to do should anyone come down with the flu this season. And atleast I have cute rain boots.










Oh, and we did celebrate a birthday this rainy week so atleast we have 2 cakes to keep us going. The rain certainly hasn't stopped the aging process or our craving for sugar!

New year but no promises

As I sit down to write for the first time in weeks I realize that my time could be just as useful talking to my washing machine right now. I have become one of those half-blog-hearted moms that I used to resent. Resent is harsh but think something with about half that much intensity. Even two young kids in and I still found time atleast once a week to "commune" with the internet world but now 10 more fingers and 10 more toes under my care and I am one of "those" that get forgotten about after months of neglect.

I don't vow to write much more than I did last year but there is a small hope deep inside my warm puffer vest right now that maybe I will be able to chronicle these tales somewhere even if it's not always here. These moments with three little boys not even tall enough to ride the big rides yet are so monumental even in their own small way and I just have to be able to look back on them some how when Im more rested and less physically needed in a few years. With that little semi-promise being made I will also say this...It has been nice to start to peel my fingers off my grip on social media. I don't think I am any worse than the average conversation starved stay at home parent but my attraction was bad enough for me to want to do a little purging. It was after some well circulated blog that I read last year urging moms to look up from their phones and actually be present with their children (novel idea huh?) that it all finally clicked, pun intended, and I was okay allowing moments inside our young home to be just that - moments - and not tweets or titles of blogs or some status update somewhere. So I have certainly been a little AWOL on here but I haven't been sitting around catching up on soaps I can assure you of that. (Though I have been severely drawn to Sex in the City reruns these last few months because I think the first time around I didnt fully appreciate the fabulous character typing.)Anyway, I digress...

In complete random-Betsy-like fashion - here are some things I would like to consider doing (or stopping) in this new year and maybe some things that I just thought were fabulous about last year.

1) Can I get an "amen" to this in advance? MY CHILDREN ARE SPONGES AND THEY ARE TAKING IN EVERY SINGLE THING I DO/SAY/EAT/WATCH/SING/YELL/ENJOY/CRY OVER/DESPISE/APPRECIATE/OBSESS OVER and EVERY MISTAKE I HAVE EVEN THOUGHT ABOUT MAKING. So in this new year I need to get my act together just a tad. Christmas was a perfect example of this. I went into this gift-showering season feeling quite confidentally that our oldest boys still only knew about Jesus' birthday and had no desire for any shiny new toys. Sure candy canes make them perform any task I would like but the thought of ole St. Nick (I thought) had no power over their ever impressionable minds. Did I ever learn how wrong I was Christmas morning when our oldest bounced out of bed as early as I used to but barely after Santa had left the house and the dissappointment that boy showed that morning would cause you, too, to be considering a petting zoo for his 4th birthday party - just to make up. Santa didn't wrap the presents. "Why mommy?" Santa took au unopened toy that had been stashed in the way back of his closet for over a year and (so stupidly) gave it to his younger brother for Christmas. "Why did Santa bring William the toy that was in my closet, mommy? Will you go get my same toy that is up in my closet." {Eeek} Santa also didn't bring the poor-pitiful child the one item he had asked Santa for the 4 times his mama drug him to see him this season. "Why didn't Santa bring my magnet blocks, mommy?" {Crickets. Crickets. You, see, Santa, didn't really know that you would really remember what you had even wanted. I mean you are only three and you are as easily entertained with an empty box as you are a pet pony so Santa just didn't really go with the pony this year.} The bottom line is that once your child inches past that 2 year old mark you can't make up the stories you once made up and you can't slip the words you usually slip and you can't complain to your husband about how your neighbor was rude (and maybe some other words) because those little eyes, ears, and hearts are sucking it alllll up and it WILL come back to haunt you like when your 3 year old asks that neighbor why he doesn't have Jesus in his heart since he is mean on that cold Halloween night. Ooopsie.

2) I seek (not promise or vow) to juice my way back into health! I kmow I am pretty behind on this band wagon but I assure you we have made up for lost years of kale and rutabaga smoothies. My children BEG me every day for a frog-smoothie and I can't tell you how redemptive it feels to happily serve them up a little spinach, carrot, avocado, kale, apple, and banana cocktail. Seriously, it makes all the syrupy pancakes and weeks and weeks of peanut butter and jellies instantly vanish from my guilt thermometer. My whole family has eaten more green leafy vegetables in the two weeks since Christmas than in the last 4 years. We took the plunge and bought the 2nd most expensive "staple" in our house (next to the double bob stroller) and bought the super-duper-make-any-meal-into-a-drink Vitamix and we are sooooo glad we did! Let's just hope we continue to use this thing everyday for good reasons rather than sliding the smoothie setting down to the icecream setting and experimenting that way! We've also made baby food, soup, and mashed potatoes and I may or may not have tried to make a cake just to say I did but that will certainly go in the FAIL category. Brad says we should fry up some bacon and add it to my drinks because bacon makes everything better, right?

3) Sometime recently I also looked at that Guilt factor thing that I spoke about with the peanut butter and jelly's. It's a real thing yall and unfortunately something I have always done well. But I do have some refreshing thoughts about unneccessary guilt and I hope to see them playout this year. It's easy as a mom to fall into the same category with every other mom - the category of moms wanting to literlly be everything and do everything and make their own bread, too. Having our third child FINALLY freed much of my mind up from feeling silly guilt over silly things. I used to only take my kids to the gym nursery for 35 minutes because....well I don;t know why - so the nursery ladies wouldn't think Im a lazy mom always handing my kids over? Well, lately, I have finally started to let go a little bit and man does it feel good! Brad and I served at Passion 2013 {which deserves it's own post soon} this year and one of the things that stuck with me was actually from a Christian rapper - I never even knew that existed - he said, "If you live for peoples acceptance you'll die to their rejection." I don't know how this exactly fits with my guilt-ometer but it does. Half of my guilt is because I fear what others might think.....that I am lazy because I don't own a grass fed cow or that I am careless because my children don't know Spanish....whatever it is it's all silly and useless guilt. Luckily, our little chunkster sort of forced me out of this circle of guilt and I couldn't be happier for it.

4) Back to the social media revolt that is rising up deep in me is my desire to get back to note writing. In my corporate days I remember a man I respected actually calling me out in a team meeting for writing notes to others in the office. In college my dear friends and I wrote each other throughout the year and as you well know there is nothing like getting a hand written note in the mail. I still have notes my 11 years younger sister wrote to me in college when she was just learning how to even write sentences. I ordered my new stationary and I have a list going of the "just because" notes that I hope to start writing. 5 a week? That seems like a good place to start. Maybe you'll be a lucky receiver and if so, I urge you to pay it forward! I open my devotional (almost) everyday and have a note written to me 8 years ago about being positive. I laugh and cry about every time I look at it. My mom should be a motivational speaker when she grows up. (And obviously I should be on Hoarders!) But that brings me to my next un-promise....

5) Last but what probably would be first if there was any order to this little list is my desire to be light in this world.
“You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. 15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house. 16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
Have you ever just listened to yourself throughout the day and wondered why anyone would want to be around you anyway? Sometimes Ill preface my little post-busy day rants to my husband with "Im not complaining, Im just saying..." Seriously! I can't believe he doesn't slap me right then! Last year I posted about the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp. My take away from her book was to look for and even write down things that I am grateful for as it is the only way to truly experience gratitude. I don't know what my excuse is but somehow I guess I think being home with fairly helpless little human beings all day affords me the right to "just say" anytime I would like. Would you not agree that the most attractive women you know are the ones that aren't "just sayin" things for no reason. I can have a splendid day with the boys, enjoy a good run, the sun can be beaming, and my (tolerant) husband will come home to me giggling with the monsters on the floor and then Ill greet him with the list of things that went wrong or an even worse list of the things our house needs to be more comfortable. But then Ill always say - "no really, we've had a great day." Yuck yuck yuck. I hope I can look back next January and recall this as the year that I finally and seriously took control of my ungrateful heart. Even if it means writing my little daily joys down and literally zipping my lips like my mom used to say if I have nothing nice to say. The truth is - I have a treasure in knowing my Savior, and therefore, I want nothing but sweet words to come from my mouth. Words that might even show a glimpse of my heart that has been rescued by the only true redeemer. You can 'amen" that, too!

And a few more quickies
6) I VOW to keep my hands off my husband and maybe have our 2nd year in our 5 year marriage of not being pregnant!

7) Umm.....Budget? I loathe the word but I love the outcome. Come on, Mr. Husband, let's do this for real this year and experience the fruit that so many speak of when you really know where your money goes.....

8) Now that we are pretty back to cruise mode over here we are ready to have friends again. We hope to host and be hosted throughout the new year. It is so easy for us to say no to every invite and every uneasy thing and while we hope to protect our family first I do hope we can connect with our friends, new and old again. Though there aren't too many people that care to invite a family of FIVE over for a relaxing dinner we are happy to add your chaos to our chaos and pop open a bottle of wine. We have truly fallen in love with our new church and though we barely know too many people we already feel like a little family. We plan to make the effort this year to cultivate these relationships....and many others that have fallen prey to multiplying our family.

9) Sign me up for Hoarders for real! Christmas broke the camel or snapped the straw, whatever, it was insane the amount of items that came flooding into these walls! I may only have 30-45 minutes a day where little people aren't making forts out of every object in the house but I hope to spend many of those "breaks" purging every drawer and corner of this space and truly taking on a simpler attitude when it comes to "stuff." We really only need our double stroller, my Vitamix and boocoodles of Costco wet wipes to get by. The basics.

10) A friend recently wrote about reading 5 pages a day in order to read 9 books a year. I'll sign up for that. I want my children to love the classics but maybe I need to freshen up my appetite for the classics first? Maybe. :)

11) Eat at home more, people! This could contribute to about every item on this list. Yes, I'd rather over pay for a chicken sandwich than to have to clean up the kitchen again but can't we learn that three children, at dinner time, all not fully capable of caring for themselves just isnt fun and the tip we have to pay someone to clean up after us is just atrocious. For the love of all of my beloved and unused cook books - EAT AT HOME!

12) We plan to vacation this year! Woo hoo! Every year my selfless (and not much of a planner) husband has to let much of his vacation time go to waste. So far..... (keeping with number 6) we are not pregnant this year and unpregnant women are much more fun to travel with so grab your flip flops, baby, and let's live la vida loca. We need it! Our kids need it for us to be away and every once in awhile we can be even crazier and take the whole gang and make some memories. Let's pledge to not waste those days this year!

13) Which leads to the last and most important. We vow to hire lots of babysitters and I promise to not feel guilty about it because as many wise women have told me - babysitters saved their marriage in these early years and I couldn't agree more. My munchkins are my world. I don't put a thing in my mouth or attempt to use the potty without one of them questioning me so I think it is okay to have a little time for ourselves at night to just dream together. As I slowly get out of the post baby funk that I have been in the last 4 years I start to realize that I am pretty fun to be around and all of a sudden my husband reminds me of the music loving, outdoor guru, fashionably considerate hunk that I first fell for....and my goodness...it is so fun to be young and in love! BUT LET"S MAYBE TRY TO HAVE MAYBE JUST ONE YEAR WITHOUT A BABY. MAYBE? (Obviously, I say that giving God all the credit and all the control over that but just maybe???)

Cheers to a new year....hopefully a few more posts....lots of encouraging words, stock in spinach and kale , and a budget that alots plenty of funds for a babysitter!

A day in the life of....

I am going to start this now at 7:12am and see if I can finish by the end of the day. The Crazy boys are all contained or distracted for the time being so here is my first attempt.

It's amazing the thoughts and stories that come to the surface when I have the chance to write them down. All of a sudden I am flooded with the kind of gratitude you feel all over your body and out through your eyeballs and fingertips. Therefore, many of the posts here end up feeling the same... "life is crazy but so thick and juicy...full of yummy but fleeting moments." What's ironic though and quite exposing is that every day doesn't always feel that way. 5 out of 7 days end with me recounting to my husband the 3 moments in that day that everything fell apart. Like fully fell apart. I treasure my authentic friendships the most so I am going to give you some doses of that reality today. {Sprinkled with precious smiles from the three as the perfect reminder of their sweet sides.}


1)Monday a new friend with three youngens as well invited our clan to a book fair benefitting her childrens' school and the very school that if money grew on the rosemary plant next to me we would send our children. The possibility isn't thrown out the window or atleast it wasn't until Monday. We pray (and beg) daily for this door to open but I think after Monday the door could have shut for us for real. (I'm being a little dramatic.)

Anyway, everything in me knew this was a very bad, no good, terrible idea. I had volunteered all morning in the 2 year old classroom as the teacher's helper. I had already dropped a 2 year old polly-pocket type of precious pig-tailed girl in the toilet (not knowing a thing about a girl when it comes to the potty) and my very own glasses-wearing, heart melting 2 year old had all but sent me into the corner in tears with his horrific "my mom is in the classroom" type of behavior. Yall, he literally clung to my leg 1/2 the morning and while I was assisting the teacher I drug him around like a vacuum. If he wasnt on my leg he was slithering down the hall like a snake and never once did I see him walk or be-bop as most two year olds do. I needed a toddy by 9:15am...put it that way. So, the baby was tired from his day away from any normal nap (because he was worn on me in the baby bjourn the whole time the two year old was attached to my left leg) and the two year old really just needed to be home in an empty room for awhile....alone. But against my inner instincts we ventured to the book fair where the melt downs began.

The boys have never been in a book store, only a library where books are allowed to be taken away, read, left on tables, and mostly touched. We got there way early on accident - like 25 minutes which in toddler time is like an hour and 45 minutes. I had used my 2 diapers on my 2 year old that morning because the child who the teacher says normally never goes #2 at school went #2 twice while his mama was there. I guess he is more comfortable when I am around?? So since I used both diapers of course law would tell you that the little stinker would go again and by go I mean GO! Enter the principal and admissions director for said school to pick out their books to read to the polite little children who just left their manners-heavy schooling, clad with ironed uniforms and happy smiles. Oh, and my two tired, hungry, never been in a book store, and now stinky toddlers. Do you see where this story is going?

Now I know boys will be boys and toddlers will be toddlers and I am just sure that this precious little school knows the difference in my fairly un-schooled toddlers and their well-mannered 5 year olds but still.....it got so bad, yall. My boys just had to be at the front of the story time in front of a slew of sweet boys and girls and what felt like gawking parents. They had to complain about the story being read. My stinky toddler nearly sat on the principals feet to get close enough to see the story and then threw the fit of the year when a little boy sat next to his older brother. Like any mother would do - I bribed him with his big brothers candy cane that I was holding for him and instead of staying next to me to eat it he went back to those high-heeled feet and drooled nice red drool down her leg, all the while older brother sees his candy cane being devoured and loses it. LOSES IT. This is about 8 pages into the 20 page book. HE LOSES IT! Do you feel me sweating. I was literally because I had the baby in the baby bookbag again and I had yet to have a second to take my coat off. It was hot in there yall and my insides were stirring and cringing at the scene before me. Could I walk away and look for the real mother of these two obviously badly parented children? Could I bribe them again to please come with me and get out of the middle of the circle..away from the spotlight?

Let's just say we got out of there with not a hair of my pride left intact and way too much money spent on books just to hopefully glaze over the scene that took place and distract the store and the benefitting school from the zoo that had just exited the building.

2) And then later that evening I ventured to the gym for a quick 30 minute run-all-of-my-angst-over-the-book-store-dissaster run. It was healing even if only 30 minutes. As we all piled back into the car on the first cold day and aptly, the first day I realized all of our winter coats are occupying someone's lost and found, I realized that it was the night my husband said he would be home late...like after bed time for the boys kinda late. This called for a drive through dinner kinda night but as we drove past "the pancake place" aka the flying biscuit the boys squeals for special pancakes took over my logic. Luckily there wasn't another person wanting pancakes for dinner so we had the place to ourselves. Thus when the ornament bearing a candle crashed on the floor no one else heard it. Nor the 2nd one. And when the two year old poured the peppercorn balls all over his pancake thinking it was syrup no one was there to witness the defeat in my eyes. And luckily the scene that followed as I realized the boys had stuffed my credit cards in the couch at home that afternoon while I was feeding the baby and was just happy that they were entertained went unnoticed as well. "Umm, will you take a check for our dinner?" No, okay..."how about my Flex Spending Card?" "Can I wash a few dishes for you while you hold me three tired and sticky little boys?" Luckily, the manager was so ready for us to leave that he literally took an IOU and allowed me to call him later with my credit card info. I definitely spent more on the tip that night than I did on our 3 pancakes and eggs. My tummy just turned recalling that whole day. I'm just glad His mercies are new EVERY morning!So yesterday we awoke to a new day and we stayed inside the whole day! Lesson learned yet again the hard way.

3) Being a stay at home mom is certainly not all tennis matches and lululemon shopping trips after a coffee date at starbucks. Atleast it isnt for me. It's crazy mixed emotions all day long. Joy from seeing your children play with their plastic nativity set for the first time this season. To fear from then seeing your boy try to flush baby Jesus down the toilet. Gratitude while watching your boys, 14 months to separate them, play "Christmas" in the basement while you finally begin to unpack the 4th basket of cleaned and now wrinkled clothes. And then comes the defeated feelings when the same best of friends get into a pushing match on the stairs just to try to be first to the top. Didn't you just teach them that being first isn't always best and letting others go first is really the rewarding action to choose. Laughter fills our home each night as we watch these boys pretend and make up words for their little world. Its especially heart warming when they are all snug in their matching footie pajamas. But often in the very next moments tears can fill my weary eyes when the sweet bed time routine has turned into yet another drawn out battle of wills. This job is certainly not what I ever imagined it would be. It's not what my mom made it look like because let's be honest - from the eyes of the young child you never have true appreciation until you are actually in the drivers seat. Until you are actually the one awake at night thinking about the things you said during the day to the little ones still mendable heart. Or until you are the one actually seeing your child struggle to figure something out or rejoice when he has clearly amazed even himself. Goodness, if I could now years later truly give my mom thanks for the days and years spent at home, in a pony tail maybe having gone days with only conversation from the mouths of babes - it would feel so good. Now I finally really get it and all of the cards and presents I tried to gift to her over the years not fully knowing the gratitude they could represent would now carry so much weight. Thank you, mama!

So as you can see staying at home all day every day with your children can leave you feeling a little awkward when you finally get out into the real on-time, fully-dressed, paying jobs to tend to type of people. Saturday Brad graciously gave me the day to myself to get some things done. We have lived in our house 8 months and have yet to hang a curtain nor lay a rug. In the grand scheme of things - rugs and curtains are silly but when you have boys running around mostly nude most of the day a little privacy could be nice and a rug or two may help the immobile baby start to want to move. So, I headed out feeling a little silly. I had all this freedom and no real place to be, no one to be with and no budget or checklist to adhere to. I wound up at a fabric store in midtown. I spent the majority of my day away browsing the aisles full of color and pattern and with every rack my mind jumped from place to place in our home, which meant I really got nowhere. I couldn't focus nor did I have an inkling of an idea of what spoke to me. That very morning I couldn't even decide on the creamer I wanted in my coffee. Don't get me wrong - I think I know myself more than I have ever before but there is so little margin in my head to think about anything other than taking care of people so when I get the opportunity it's like my creative brain goes to sleep from overload. It certainly leaves me feeling like a cardboard box in a sea of freshly painted Van Goh's. Needless to say, I left 3 hours later a little defeated but certainly grateful for the time to just wander and dream. I went straight to the upholstery shop to turn the little swab of (plain) fabric I did find into some pillows. Sonny, the owner was a foreign petite little woman with about 50% accuracy in English. We had a 30 minute broken conversation about pillows and then out of nowhere the tears came. Seriously. I am crying on a Saturday in the pillow shop. There were Buckhead women waiting behind me to just pick up their treasures and all the while I am having a melt down with Sonny - my newest and dearest friend. As she could sense my frustration with attempting to decorating my house she goes into a half English version of her take on motherhood. I couldn't understand half of it but I understood all of it. Do you know what I mean? In a nutshell, she was assuring me that pillows don't matter. And bland walls and floors aren't important. All of this I know but yet it still tugs at my heart beckoning for me to pay it some attention on the rare occasion that my husband gives me a free day. Really, my free day should have been spent over coffee with a friend or hiking Kennesaw mountain...doing something that feeds me and allows me to feel like more than just a caregiver.



Pillows and rugs will have their day, Sonny says, but my children will be grown before I know it and they don't even care about pillows. I left the shop and my day away with not one take home but yet I did take away the best thing of all.....that grateful heart that I spoke about above. Yes, there is no time during the day - not any spare minute to be selfish. And yes, our house is a conglomeration of lousy art projects and pinterest fails. But there is so much goodness in my day. There is so many sweet things happening for the first time that everything else seems silly and useless.


I told Sonny she was hired as my pillow maker when I get around to doing it but in the mean time I would stop by for a pep talk every few weeks. It's amazing what a genuine conversation with an adult, albeit a stranger, can do for the soul. Much more than a boutique pillow I am sure.

Post interrupted

I was starting to put together a pretty thoughtful entry full of newly learned wisdom, some tough lessons, and even a recipe (yes, I turned into that blogger momentarily) and then it happened.
In a pretty monotone voice (as if your college-summer flame just walked right through your kitchen door like he was coming over for supper) I said, "Oh my freaking goodness." And then the newest member of the Bagwell Academy of Manners and Excellence exclaimed even louder, "OH MY FREAKING GOODNESS!" I gulped remembering that #threeyearoldsrepeateverything but carried on with my excitement by simultaneously making out with my 5 month olds cheeks and cuddling his little feet in my arms.

I fear writing this little anecdote because I know when #2 looks back in years to come he will vow to not help me with my sponge bath in my old age due to the obvious lack of obsession that I had over him as a baby compared to his 21 month younger sibling. But I just cant let this get by.

I am OVER THE TOP for this little baby. It's bad. My ovaries literally sing (and cringe) when I look at him knowing that any baby fever I have left in my tired body starts to boil. It's not healthy, yall.

Don't misunderstand me I have loved each of these boys with everything in me and it has literally hurt to watch them grow into little people but for some reason Mr. Stork put an extra dose of yumminess in this newest one and it has caused me (and my marriage) serious trouble. I know like everyone does that this immobile, extra Pillsbury-dough boyish, big eyed, cooing, only satisfied in me stage doesnt last long but this time around this stage is soooo good that it makes me think I could do this three more times in the next three years. And trust me, I haven't made it to the shower yet today, I've lost my temper thrice and apologized twice, and my three year old asked why my booty was poking out this morning as I was getting on my (dirty) yoga pants. AND I WANT TO KEEP ADDING TO THIS MADNESS (only in the moments when I look at #3 and he melts my heart which unfortunately for my husband is ALL THE TIME! EVERYDAY! AND AT NIGHT WHEN I WAKE HIM UP TO FEED HIM NOT BECAUSE HE IS HUNGRY BUT BECAUSE I WANT TO HOLD HIM!)

This post is going to be the post I call "THE TIME I USED ALL CAPITALS TO TRY TO EXPRESS MY GUT-WRENCHING FASCINATION WITH MY 3rd CHILD!"

So back to the "Oh my freaking goodness" comment....As if my insides couldnt dance or scream anymore over this little one he went and did the thing I dreaded. The thing I have always wanted but hoped it would never really happen because I knew that would be the last straw. And of course today he went there and it's over. I'm done.

He sucked his precious-ooey-gooey-fattened-2 rolls before the knuckle RIGHT thumb just like I did as a little baby (and almost until I started school.) Aghhhhh!!!!!

Can you handle that? I mean, I know it's not your child and I know I am sounding like that typical mom whom other women have started blogs over or something but I only relay all this because I need serious help. As we "speak" the toddler monster is walking around in his Bulldawg helmet getting ready for Halloween having already found my stash of tootsie rolls. He some how got them into his bed for his nap and I came in to find all FIVE wrappers stuck somewhere to his bed or body. Please call me and rescue me. Tell me that my babbling, THUMB sucking, always happy little baby boy WILL (repeat it WILL) one day crush my heart and dissappoint me and probably even marry a bigger city girl and run off and get married to her and never come to see me. Come to my house and take me outside, ugg house slippers, those same yoga pants and all and literally squeeze my cheeks and WAKE ME UP! How could I possibly after the third baby now want a whole bunch of babies? This is how.





And this is why.
He waits with his mouth opened in a perfect "O" shape when anyone walks by just wondering if they will look his way.
He eats his fist when he is hungry, ne'ry a cry.
He can't move because he is a little overstuffed so when he gets excited he slams both of his legs down at the same time over and over as if he is clapping with his legs.
His eyes sparkle.
HE SUCKS HIS RIGHT THUMB and doesnt even really know how to do it yet so he looks even more scrumptious.
He is the only thing I've ever known that is 110% satisfied with just me. Now, I know this is a little weird were it to continue but it touches my little mushy heart. And it makes me think about my desire to be FULLY satisfied in Jesus.
He giggles if you even glance his way.
He sleeps in the car, in the bed, in the swing, in your arms. Is this for real?
He makes those precious baby sounds everytime he eats reminding me just how relaxed he is in my arms.
He completes our family in ways I never knew possible.

But mostly (and here come the hormonal tears) he reminds me of the miracle that he was for our family. At a time when I was at the lowest that I never knew existed he was Gods answer to me. Somehow God knew the unthinkable, a pregnancy while using an IUD for birth control would be the thing to help reset my year of insomnia. And as I write this he is tooting like an 80 year old man after bar-b-que. Pure love.




Now please don't think I am slighting my other darlings. Once you have kids you do finally get that you and your siblings were all "equally loved unequally" meaning loved as much but differently if that can happen. I think it can. Again, it is a picture of the Fathers love for us - were all loved more than we could ever know but also loved personally and individually. Many of my 3-time moms have agreed with me on this. For some reason the third time really is a charm and in my case it makes me want to keep going and complete our little basketball team. There I go again. Call in the reinforcements NOW (before my husband gets home). But I guess by #3 you aren't stressed about whether you are doing it right now because you know it all works out anyway and you aren't feeling guilty like you did after your 2nd by ruining both #1 and #2's life for ever having to divide your time between two needy little people. There is an ease, a joy, a confidence, and energy, and a sense of peace despite being pulled and pushed and yanked and screamed into three different directions. And, that my friends, is why my husband may never sleep in the same room with me again.

An update hashtag style

Folks, this is about all I can muster up these days. I have started 6 posts since the last one and have yet to finish one. Life is rich, full, constant, draining, so sweet and flying by right now in our house with three little ones. We recognize that these days are long but the months and years just keep stacking up and it makes me want to hyperventilate! My heart is so full. My eyes are so heavy. But most of all we are just so grateful to be right where we are with our little family. It is rarely glamorous but it is mostly always entertaining. I never knew I could be so comfortable driving to the beach with a turtle on top of my car, ending my 5 year anniversary celebration at Micheals...yes, the craft store, and spending most of my days in a pony tail and yoga pants. But I also never knew I could feel such satisfaction by serving little people all day (and all night) long. This is certainly one of those big seasons in life where the dots connect, things make sense, and my priorities are aligned. I only hate that I dont have the time and energy to really get my thoughts down as I know I will look back on these young years and see so much of my foundation for my faith in my God, in myself, in my husband, and in my story being built. So, here it goes.....hashtag style...

#weALLloveourchurch

#exploringoutside

#weALLloveourbabysitter #firsttimeleavingALLthebabies

#hellobabyblues

#whosaysonlygirlsgetintomakeup #thankGodhiseyewasnotpoked

#boysatthebeach

#agiantsandbox #aboysdream

#firstfamilyoffivebeachtrip

#chocolateicecreamfordinner

#agreatwaytostartvacation

#4months!

#showingoffatthedoctor

#mybogboy

#bigandlittle

#bigandmiddle