I confess. I ignored the phonecall.

My phone rang this morning at 7:26a.m. I was awake and making Brad's lunch for the day. I completely ignored the ring and carried on with my perfect turkey sandwich. You see, I am a substitute teacher. I am a substitute teacher for middle school kids. I am also with child and for some reason since being with child my patience has shortened dramatically. There is no excuse for this behavior but atleast I know it is true and I am aware. The last possible thing that I wanted to do today was go suck up to 7th graders to get them to like me. There is no line when it comes to middle schoolers. I have learned though my minimal experience that you either have to be the old mean lady with your hair in a bun who enforces silence at all times or you get walked all over. My youthfulness and charm are only an invitation for them to go buck wild.....sit on the cabinets, rearrange the room, talk out at all times, steal things from other peers....you name it. And today I just didn't have it in me to even attempt. This weekend wore me out with 2 days of work and constant activity surrounding the work hours. Then yesterday I taught a sculpt class and have yet to recover from the sleepless night and 5:15a.m. alarm. So I just ignored the call. I sort of feel guilty because I have nothing on my calendar today but I just didn't want to do it and I guess that is where I am lucky. Yes, we certainly need the minimal paycheck and I know my partner likes when I am busy and contribute but it wasn't worth the $50 to eat watery-lunchroom-tomato soup today and have to pee pee out of a short-little people toilet. I am going to enjoy this day of freedom. Nearly two months ago I had free days like this everyday and I thought nothing of them. Now after a few months of 4 part time jobs I LOVE these days! I love the Ellen Degeneres show at 5pm as I get dinner ready. I love taking Mr. Amos on 2 or 3 walks a day. I love cleaning and sorting and arranging and organizing and I love making a list just so I can check off the things that I have done. So that is what I will do today. I am free for lunch, too, if you care to meet me. But this is a confession - I ignored the phone call and it feels so good! It's about time I stop committing to things that make my stomach turn. I am slowly slowly learning how to say NO and how to choose (when I have the ability to) what is best for me. Honestly, had I picked up the phone - I would have only said YES to the sweet little man because I would have wanted him to think well of me. For some reason it's like I want to be everybody's "everything." But today I am a new me and I ignored the call and though I sort of want to call the sweet man and give him a really good, emotion stirring excuse - I am just not going to call back. I can not be everything to everyone and this is day one of me practicing this theory.....and it feels sooooo good!