Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Big day!

I didn't really realize until the morning the magnitude of this day. This is the final day of the final class of the final step of eduation for Mr. B-rad. We are seriously not going to know what to do with all of the time in the afternoons! I can only imagine his anticipation right now seeing that I am about to throw a party by myself if the time doesn't pass more quickly. I can't wait for the graduate to be to walk through that door! Wooohooo.......
And on other exciting notes I started a new job today. So much to say about this but for now - I went to work for the first time in awhile with no burden on my shoulders and a rare smile on my face. I feel so confident about this next opportunity and I am just so grateful for these doors that have opened. I truly feel like some amazing and creative author is writing our story right now and we are just filling the roles waiting for the next scene. ANd though I should always be allowing God to write my days I am just now embracing this lack of control and the this depth of trust. I am going to decorate now and get a celebration beer ready for the super-star! Amos is so excited too....he is turning tornados between the kitchen and the bedroom. I love how he matches our moods! More to come......Celebrate for now!

Friday, April 25, 2008

Unexpected FNO (family night out)

Last night I cooked up some potent margaritas for my date. They were semi-homemade and super delicious! Brad and I had a mimi-fiesta at our house. We ate enchiladas on the porch under the glare of some candles and the roar of the cars on Peachtree Road. So serene I tell you!

All of this celebration was the pre-party for the real party! After dinner my date and I headed downtown for the much anticipated office clean-out. Amos came, too, and was so happy that I would no longer be working downtown but rather be working from home with him. He is my assistant starting next Wednesday. The office clean-out was pretty uneventful. I hadn't had enough of my own stuff in the office in the 5 months to really have to do too much cleaning out but nonetheless, Brad and I had fun roaming the building and saying our good-byes.

As we left the building a voice told us to hold tight. There would be a show in Centennial Park in 5 minutes. This overpowering voice was quite frightening to Amos dog who then jumped into panic-dog mode. We calmed him down as we waited for this supposed show. Then the voice came on again and Amos went crazy. And then the water fountains started going crazy and music was blaring and the by passers were all dancing and clapping and driving Amos even more nuts. Poor dog.....he went from a small South Georgia town of 14 cars and no "voices" to a condo on Peachtree with a ga-zillion cars and a mom who likes to take him to odd places and make him assimilate! Baptism by fire, right? The show was quick and we were on our merry way. Or so we thought. Dad decided he wanted to play in the fountains. I bet him $5 to make it all the way through the 10 foot tall shooting water fountains. The margaritas told him this would be a grand idea and without hesitation he jumped in. Amos and I laughed the whole way home and were so proud of Mr. B-rad and his audacious behavior during our unexpected family outing. He even took my five dollars for real!

Thursday, April 24, 2008

My two hunks at their Glamour shot photo shoot

Will you be my MuddyBuddy?

You know me, I love having something on my calendar to look forward to. When Brad asks what he can do to serve me or make me smile...simple I say - plan something! Even something small but give me a date to put on my calendar. Now, I know this isn't the best way to live. I know busyness is not next to godliness and "idleness" shouldn't be a dirty word in our family but I've admitted it before, that's just how I am. Take these last few weeks away from work......I wake up with a beautiful thought that I have nothing I have to do today and within 7 minutes I am stressed just trying to find something...anything to fill the hours. I do admit that marriage has lessened the severity of this disease as I am better able to enjoy a plan-less Saturday with Brad but the effects of the disease still linger no matter how hard I try to just sit...and rest...and relax....and enjoy nothing!

So yesterday I get this fairly usual looking flyer in the mail. One that I normally wouldn't even have looked at but because of this new found free time I have been reading every piece of mail - even the 6 credit card apps in the mail everyday....just to wonder if they spelled my name right! So the front of my flyer says MUDDYBUDDY. I used to love NuttyBuddies, you know, the Little Debbie slender snack filled with layers or peanut butter??? Oh my, just thinking about this layered chocolate wonder makes my stomach turn. Mama used to have every type of Little Debbie in the pantry for lunches. I really took this for granted, knowing now how much she probably had to spend at the store just to give us some unneccessary variety. So seeing that the words were similar I figured there could be something in this flyer for me and oh - was there!

You probably know about this even that is storming the country (or atleast the marketing department made me think so). Supposedly, you pick a partner, do some marginal training and this summer you dress in any wacky outfit you can find and you compete. I love getting dirty! I love bike riding! I love "themed" parties! I love having something fun on my calendar as you now know....And I love a little friendly competition! So I am signing Brad and I up today! I am not sure if he knew I was serious when I mentioned it but I am. So this summer Brad and I will dress as penguins or clowns or maybe cheerleaders and head to Conyers to participate with 999 other duos. Basically you leap frog eachother by running and biking at the same time and you meet at an obstacle and then switch places on bike or on foot. All the while inching closer to the end....the mud pit!!!! I just can't tell you how excited I am just to decide what we may wear....but then to get to play outside and end by running through a mud pit...I can feel us giggling and cackling now!

Here is the site.....
Check it out and let me know if you have an idea for our costume! More so, sign up and come play with us on the morning of June 21st. This is really the best news of the week! Get excited, B-rad!

And here are a few other things on the calendar that excite me:
*My brother's 25th bday is tomorrow and the fam is heading to Athens on Saturday to celebrate with a scrumptious dinner
*Concert on the Marietta square tomorrow night with the Smith's.....I love a little dancing on the square.
*Cuatro de Mayo party at the Powells in a few weekends. Mrs. Powell is a Tejas native and the queen of sangria and guacamole!
*Brad's "Brad-uation"-slash-Birthday party in a few weeks. I love planning parties with my mama!
*Weekend-o-fun in Savannah in May! I have been dreaming of kayaking and sailing on the water and eating seafood!
*MUDDYBUDDY weekend - June 21st!

Cheers to "things to do" on my calendar. Speaking of......I need a new datebook as I am getting rid of the blackberry when I officially end my job next week. I LOVE filling in dates on a calendar! I like to write every single thing on there....birthdates, anniversaries, when i ate a meal I loved, how many miles I ran that know, the usual. No wonder I always feel like there aren't enough hours in the day!

Wednesday, April 23, 2008

A day of play...

Amos and mom went to our friend Loretta and Tucker and Harley's house today to sit by the pool and enjoy the sunshine and pollen! (Amos had as bad of an allergy attack that I did today). Harley, the golden retriever wasn't so thrilled with our visit. "Imbecilel," I heard him say to us as we played silly puppy games around the pool. Amos even went for a swim. He loves water! Here are some pics of our play date with Tucker. We love lazy Wednesdays with a chick-fil-a tea and fun new friends!

This makes my day!

Kat, one of my former roommates sent out some recent pics of recent shenanigans. This was one of the pictures she took and I just can't tell you what it does for me! I just adore these two girls (and the other Katie who was MIA here) and I loved our sweet time at the Terrace. I miss having the girls to sit around and solve all the worlds problems on the smelly couch. I also miss having two fashion consultants 24:7 and an occasional fun pair of earrings to wear that certainly didnt come from my jewelry box! Anyway, Kat is soon to be married and then she moves to B'ham and Catie is living the dream in Dallas, Tx working for Neiman Marcus (and getting amazing discounts in the store!) Bottom line....I miss them! And I miss our simple but fun times at the Terrace. I can't wait for a reunion soon because this it what tends to happen.....wonderful silliness! Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, April 22, 2008

Stop what you are doing...

Laura, Jenna and Barbara Bush are on the Today show and Laura is helping co-host. Could there be a more perfect line up in the morning? I admit, I have a slight obsession with the Bush family....with their down-home demeanor, with their family morales despite a lifestyle that must be so public, with their faith that shows......I just adore them. There aren't too many public faces that I will skip a work out for but this morning the Bush-girls have taken over. Amos is even glued to the tv (and his tennis ball).

Go turn your tivo on...hurry! What a perfect last Tuesday morning before unemployment ends!

The perfect picture

Oh how I wish you could have been atop a tree on Sunday at the park in Brookhaven just witnessing the Lord dance around Brad and I! Literally, He was just dancing and singing and twirling out of anticipation for the conversation that would ensue and the walls that would be shattered.
Brad and I took off for the park around 2pm on Sunday with Doctor Amos. We are not experienced dog owners yet so we brought all the supplies we wouldn't use and nothing we would need. Amos' coat is pretty long now too so we just couldn't figure out why he kept leaving our blanket laid ablaze the hot sun to find shade under a huge tree 50 feet away. "I am so stinkin hot, guys," Amos was saying to us. No worries, we felt badly after the 3+ hour adventure and showed him oodles of love that night.

Anyway, God set it all up. Every possible thing had then blossomed outside which is perfect for mine and Brad's eyes but miserable for our noses! But that didn't stop us from sweltering in the 78 degree sun and more so, sweltering under the desire to just get on the same "island" as Brad so calls it. So after several hours of silence and the burden of a heavy heart something broke in both of us and there was nothing we could do but sit longer in the burning sun and break down the walls we had put up over the last few weeks. I am being extremely open on these pages because I know I am supposed to. There is only so much good that can come from reading about Amos' latest trick everyday. God is big in our lives and in our marriage and that is worth reading.

Ultimately we agreed that the darkness we had each been feeling was due to this concept of "enough"......Brad not feeling like he has enough to be the husband he thinks he should be and me not feeling enough for anything. It was so beautiful to recognize this hideous lie that Satan had been feeding to us over and over. What is most beautiful though is the way God confirmed in our conversation that, yes, we aren't enough but He is. Yes, we don't have it all together, especially after 6 short months of marriage....I don't possibly have enough of anything to please everyone throughout the day and then be a model wife at night. I can barely keep up with the date better yet the birthday cards to friends and the so-called wifely concerns at home. And though Brad does a pretty flawless job working full time, schooling full time, parenting Amos in the downtime and being a picture perfect husband...he, too, is broken at the core just like me. Just like you. But how sweet are those times when God shows up soo big to remind us that He is sufficient for everything because we are not. ANd certainly, Sunday, was one of those times. For the faint of heart, turn away but the picture Sunday which sticks in my mind is Brad and I sitting indian-style, facing eachother as Brad wiped away the heavy tears from underneath my sunglasses. Oh, and I must add, all the while his arms were getting more pink, then more red until he couldn't bend them at the elbow from the pain. See, proof enough, I surely don't have enough "know how" to even take care of him! Ha!
That night we had dinner with some friends soon to be wed. We didn't offer much advise. We just listened and asked questions about their growing excitement. We told them to be selfish with their time because so many things want to fill up the time slots but the most important thing is their time together. And we told them that Satan is ready to attack. Marriage is such a sacred institution and has the ability to do so much good for the Kingdom of God because it truly is the closest image of God's love for us that we can experience on earth. But because of that power Satan is ready to pounce. He is ready to destroy and feed us lies. We are so thankful for this process of sanctification and redemption. We are not so thankful for the sunburns and racoon eyes but it is worth it. What a breath of fresh air this weekend.......

Sunday, April 20, 2008

This one is for strictly selfish reasons...

I am eating Pillsbury cookie dough straight out of the package and that is the first indicator.
I have never been one of those women that loses their appetite when their head gets too full of curly-messy thoughts. Quite the contrary. I am your typical "comfort food junkie when comfort is needed" (though comfort food for me is cookie dough and milk, not collards and mac and cheese!)

Inside the living room of our Atlanta condo the sun is shining brilliantly outside and I only know this because it is beginning to peer over the closed blinds that are doing as they should and shutting the light out. It's a little after 11am on a Sunday and there is really no reason for dark in the condo and more so, the lack of light in my heart. I fear being so candid but it is all I can do right now to try to seek some peace, sans finish the cookie dough off (and as we have all learned - that doesnt fully help in the long run.)

This is one of those icky and rare times that I just can't find what I am looking for because I don't even really know what it smells like. I am 6 months new to marriage and 6 months away from the "Betsy" I had always been told I was. Though that sounds like a morbid is quite the opposite..... a beautiful and freeing thing but it can be scary and can leave much room for confusion and exhaustion. And then, maybe it is just the "late-twenties" creeping in. In my twenties I have seemed to have thought that I have learned something new and insightful about myself and my life purpose only to have it broken down the very next month by a new experience. Exhausting, for sure!

The truth this morning is that I have been looking at blogs of friends a few years my elder. They write of triumphs and challenges of their 2.4 children and the struggles of being a mom. I read their stories and I sense a ping of jealousy in my heart. Not because their children are beautiful and blonde headed and their blogs seem so light and cheery but because I just desire that kind of peace. The kind of peace most mothers find upon giving birth to their first child I suppose. The kind that assures you that you were certainly made for a purpose and you can finally see it looking into a little child's eyes that sort of remind you of your own. I am not professing any new urge to take on mommy-hood anytime very soon. I mean, I feel like I know less about marriage alone than I did 6 months ago (and I know that is the beauty of the mystery of marriage) so kids are not our near- near-future. So no, I am not revealing this underlying huge desire to be a mom right now but more so the intense desire that keeps me up at night and steals my head 90% of the time to just figure out what in the world I am supposed to do. I used to think I knew this answer and that is what is so disturbing! Where did my sense of purpose and passion vacation to and when, oh when, does it want to come back and take residence in my heart again?

Marriage is truly the most intimate relationship I will experience on earth apart from my relationship with My Savior and trust me, I enjoy being a wife. I enjoy being a wife the way I enjoy being a daughter and a friend and a sister but at the end of the day - none of those roles embody my full identity. I know there is something more. I know at the deepest part of me that my identity rests in Christ and what He has already paid for me. His life. No one can ever do anything more to prove me any more valuable. He did the ultimate thing. More so, He has given me a more complete life here on earth while I meddle through the ups and downs just trying to find my place. I do know this truth and if I didn't I would have given up a long time ago. But it is in the day to day...the routine of everyday life ....the mundane that I just can't seem to find my sweet spot.

I just got a new job and I am so excited about the things that I will get to do...a little writing, consulting, meeting with different people and help others find their place in a career. I tell you that because this "thing" isnt about a career and it isnt about a marital status and it isnt about financial security and it isnt really about being excellent at any one particular thing. It is more about me accepting the exact place I am and knowing with everything in me that God has me in that place and no other place for a reason. And with that confidence comes the light in my heart that I first mentioned. It's the light that causes me to weep when I hear others stories of toil and triumph or the same light that causes me to slow down, say no to things that take up my time and waste my heart and the same light that causes me to pick up the phone and just call to listen to someone I love who might need to talk. But for some reason lately I have been so focused on finding this said peace in a new place that I can't sit right where I am and recognize that He has me here and nowhere else right now. He doesnt have me being a mom yet. He doesnt have Brad and I in a place of extreme financial security that would allow us to give the way we desire yet - for a reason. He doesnt have us moving cities to chase an adventure the way our hearts desire. He doesnt have us ill with some debilitating sickness. He has us healthy, married, in Atlanta, among couples, family, friends and even strangers all looking for the same answers. He has us within 3 hours of all of our family. He has me unemployed and without an obligation at all right now and that, too, is for a reason. He doesnt have either of us working extensive hours or worse yet, having to work more than one job just to maintain a lifestyle. Once again, He has us....more so, he has me right here, in the dark with the cookie dough, alone, on a sunny- Sunday morning to sit and let my fingertips release some of what has held my heart captive and in the dark. And though I did not reveal any miraculous answer in the course of this babbling nor did any "6-perfect steps" to peace come to me. Better, for some reason I can smell that thing that I don't even know what I am looking for. I can feel it as it begins to warm up my heart. Even if the light shines inside for a few quick minutes it is still assurance enough that I am right where I am only by God's grace and He is keeping me here even if it is somewhat dark at times - only for His glory. Why is it just so hard to know this one truth that truly has the power to free me from any strong hold? And more so, why can't the power of cookie dough on a couch in the dark everyonce in a while remind me of this one and only truth? Ha ha. I could be really good at eating cookie dough and finding answers!

Ultimately, I am here for God's glory whether it is through a simple conversation with my sister over lunch or a passer-by conversation with the receptionist at the doctors office...whether it is through the minute acts of grace that I show Brad throughout a tiresome work week or a simple hand on his shoulder to remind him that I am right here right now to show God's glory in my life whether or not I know how.....
And that does bring light to my heart today. Yesterday I had a long but overdo conversation with my dearest doctor friend. Talk about a light.....she literally ALWAYS has the words or lack of words when I need them. She read to me from her journal she kept while she was in Tanzania last year for several weeks. One of the last days she wrote as she was on the long trek home she wrote to remind herself of the "light" and joy she felt just being in God's will and in His presence. But she wrote that she knew there would be a time soon enough when she wouldn't recognize HIs hand right around her and wouldn't recognize the light that she knows is there because of Christ. As she read to me to encourage me I literally felt like I was in the airport with her a year ago and she was reminding me to remain steadfast and to savor the rich moments God gives me because soon enough the darkness of the enemy and the world would begin to rob me of the joy I have found and I would then begin to doubt that I have any purpose at all. Oh, sweet friend, thank you. Thank you for knowing what to say to allow my heart to again search for that light and peace that is always there but just sometimes being blocked by the incumbering blinds in the living room.

Off to walk with Amos and praise God for reminding me that He has put me right here. Right where I am.

Friday, April 18, 2008

Successfully unemployed

In case you were worried, I wanted to assure any dear readers that I am Ooookay!
Really, I am really really okay this first full week of sweet unemployment.
Puppy and I have walked atleast 4 times each day. We have read books about potty training and grooming and all things important and pressing. We have eaten egg salad sandwiches and baked cheetos and made cookies about every afternoon. We have even watched informative television shows like Rachel Ray where yesterday we learned how to make scones at home! know all the most crucial things in life. We have vacuumed, cleaned the bathrooms and actually hung pictures in the frames that have been on the walls for 6 months now. (Can you believe that.....we've been a part of this married world for 6 months now! )

Yesterday we had a splendid day together. We went potty. Walked. Ate. Slept. Went potty. Walked. Slept. Went Potty. Walked.
Then our friends Charlsie and Miss Kate came to visit us. We loved spending time with them. They like Amos the dog and gave me lots of tips on how to make him most happy. What a fun and needed visit with a dear friend. Then of course we slept. Pottied (is that a word?), ate (finally), walked, pottied, slept, walked and visited more with Carter and Mary who came to visit us lastnight. What a day, right!

And tomorrow we have more family coming to town to visit Doctor Amos. We love having company and especially company that likes to show us oodles of attention! Bring on the love Mama and Daddy Bagwell!


And on a short but important note - this was quite a week in our quaint abode. I was offered a job on Tuesday that I am so super excited about. I can't wait to tell you more details but for now I have a few more days of relaxing bliss and despite what I would think about myself...I am really enjoying the duties of a stay at home wife! Therefore, we'll talk about work soon but know that we are soooo excited about this next step. Thank you, Father in heaven, for going before me every step of the way and opening up a door that I didn't even know existed. Your heart for me is soooo good! Also, Mr. Brad had a very encouraging week at work and Amos and I are so proud of him! Drink a beer for us tonight to celebrate. It truly was a monumental week and it all comes from above! Praise God!

Monday, April 14, 2008

A weekend of spontaneous pleasantries

I love and hate surprises. Brad, my mom, and all people near to me would concur.
I am an adventurer at heart or rather an idealist. I think up adventures in my head and act on 30% of them.
As I have said before, I'd much rather watch you jump off the boat and be the first to ski than to take the plunge myself. But I love to be there in the middle of it all. I'd love to entertain people with story's of ski- relevance while you are taking the dares...walking on fire...doing the unthinkable....and I will certainly be the first to recap the event with a colorful story but I am okay on the sidelines.
This is breaking news to me though I have known it all my life......
The theory has just recently come to fruition. Anyway, about the "surprise aspect" - it's a mystery. I spend 78% of my waking hours and seemingly 95% of my sleeping hours conjuring up some new adventure or some momentous surprise that others are waiting to pull on me. And that is just the problem...when you are dreaming of these secret adventures happening to you all the time you leave no room for someone to surprise you anyway. So once again, as the theme of marriage has seemed to have gone....poor poor Brad..... Wifey loves surprises but can't be surprised.

But this weekend he won and it was surely obvious in his demeanor yesterday. Brad had ROMEO written all over his face the entire day. (and that is certainly when he is most attractive!)
If you recall, for Easter Brad invited me on a surprise date for April 12th. At first glance of the date I knew it was the Masters weekend in Augusta and last year Brad and I had a phenomenal time at the tourney for about $6. It was truly one of my most favorite courtship memories. So much to Brad's lack of luck.....I think immediately that Brad is taking me to the Masters on the 12th to redo our romantic date from last year. So thoughtful. Now, what guy, 26 years old and a few years into a career can score Masters tickets so easily to just haphazardly ask his hard-to-be-surprised wife to be his date for the day? And really, though I think I was a ton-o-fun last year - I am sure he would rather be with the dudes at a golf tournament if given the opportunity. So Saturday I start to ask Brad what attire I should wear for our date that day. I am thinking Rainbow flip flops and a long pants since it will be cool at the tourney. He tells me a dress that I can spin in.!!!! How cute, right? A girl always wants to wear heels and a fun skirt and spin circles in the grass at the masters! (Are you following this.....Girl is headed down one path while sweet hubby isn't even aware. Poor boy, right? No worries, boy wins in the end.) Well, as the surprising story goes Brad had planned for us to eat tapas in midtown and then go to "Sheila's Social." Literally.

Sheila coordinates bi-monthly socials to teach young-underexposed couples (and singles I am sure) like ourselves how to salsa dance. Ten dollars a head - that's all! What a phenomenal concept! More so, what a truly splendid date idea by the very own B-rad. The tapas were perfect and the few mojitos we sampled surely made me giggle and Brad smile. And just the idea of a night of dancing was enough for me...what a surprise! Unfortunately but fortunately Brad and I both opted to save Sheila's fun for another night and go home to play with fluffy dog. So we ended the surprise date with a walk around the block with Amos. And this was the best surprise.

Sunday looked like much of the same. Surprise after spontaneous surprise. After church we were asked by a friend to come to Marietta to play tennis while the men watched the end of the Masters. I am very scheduled with my Sunday's because we have so much we try to do on this supposed day of rest. Much to my avail, Brad said "Woo hoo. Let's do it!" (Literally, he said "woohoo!")
I dropped Brad and fluffy dog at our friends house for a day that smelled of all things "boy." Then the wives headed to the courts for a delightfully surprising afternoon of tennis. Mind you, it has been over 2 years since my feet have hit a tennis court but for some reason I needed to win to remind myself that I do have it whatever it is. So we did it. We won and yes this was a true surprise. And to celebrate the surprise with another surprise we joined our couple friend at LaParilla for a yummy Mexican dinner. I still smell like tacos and that is how you know it is good! This is the place I grew up on in high school and honestly hadn't been back since. Mariachi band still belting very-Americano songs at the table and the salsa is still thin and spicy. I love Sunday surprises!

The final and most prized surprise is one that truly slipped up on me. This morning Amos and I went out for our usual-Mommy-is-still-unemployed walk and we noticed the most amazing thing that I had somehow overseen in the previous weeks of warm temperatures. There are beautiful explosions of fuchsia colored flowers adorning the landscapes of many of our Brookhaven neighbors. I mean brilliant, sporadic bursts of radiant pink in just the right spots...right where your eye catches them but not too much to lose the impact. Even though the weather was cooler today these plants (that I am sure my dear father in law could tell you all about as he always seems to know the facts that I want to know but don't...especially about the outdoors) were still very present and a very nice surprise to my otherwise turned eyes. I am waiting on Amos to peek his head up from the floor to go on our second and now usual-mommy-is-still-unemployed walk of the day. I can't wait to notice even more of nature's surprises!

Thursday, April 10, 2008

Amos' first morning at home

Amos slept in our room lastnight in his crate. He really likes his crate. He really likes to pee on our rugs too. It doesnt phase him to pee on the hard floor or the puppy pad. More so, he doesn't let on that he is peeing. He is a trickster just like his daddy!

Lastnight he slept through the night but I didnt. I was worried everytime he sighed or turned over in his crate or was breathing harder than I thought was normal. Brad the dad took him out around 3am. Mind you, out isnt just out the back door. It's out the door, down the hall, down the elevator and out the back door....hence, the difficulties we expect "condo"-breaking him. Any suggestions welcomed!

Today Amos will have to entertain me all day as it is my 2nd day on the job search and home alone. So far today Amos has been brushed over and over. This is fun for me....kind a like a babydoll. Brad would hate if I called him a doll! Later we are going to see the Wieuca Road Vet. He is excited I know it. I can't wait to ask her several "first-time-puppy-owner" silly questions.

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

Amos is home!

Look how much fun Amos had during his drive up 75!!! He sat in Brad's lap the whole way and they talked about life and trucks and boy things, you know....

He likes to watch American Idol with me on the living room rug....I love having a companion to watch silly shows with me at night when Brad is at class.


First of all, I love my MAC puter. I just love how delicately my fingers touch the right key and the little sound that it makes is truly one of the most soothing sounds I can recall. And when my fingers fly across the MAC keyboard without hesitation I know there are good things in my heart and good things to write down. So Ill tell you good things.

Amos is laying next to me asleep. I am taking this as a good thing right now because it has been a long day for us both and he seems at peace. Now 11 minutes ago I was looking up dog psychologists on the Internet to assess his quietness and slight shyness. I can promise you this....this whole experience for us is just going to be one funny story after another. I sure hope we are successful in showing Amos how loved he is but also establishing the fact that we are the "alpha" as my book on Wheatens suggest. So far so good with that - seeing that Amos was literally scared of his own shadow today when I took him out to see the city. He doesn't like the city yet but it ill grow on him I just know it. He'll be wanting a Range Rover and a Lacoste collar before you know it.....

George left this week. He just packed his bags, decided it was time and was gone before Brad and I had a chance to thank him for his stay even though unpleasant. You know when things end you realize it was never as bad as you thought it was when you were in it....not that that is true but it seems that what is behind you is certainly doable if you are now in front of it. Did I lose you? Bottom line, for the sleepless nights and days with knots in my stomach for several months - it really wasnt worth all that hooplah that I created. I am just happy to be on the other side and ready to see the new direction God is taking me. He is literally taking me there one step at a time. If I ever knew more how loved I was it has been through this little episode with Mr. George. God has consistently reminded me through random interactions with strangers and coworkers and especially through my sweet Brad that I am enough. Sometimes it takes Brad squeezing my cheeks and staring me in the eye proclaiming for the Umpteenth time that "You are worth it. Betsy, you are worth it and God proved that to you before you were even born through His son." "Oh yeah," I say. "I forgot." How could I forget or not allow this depth of love to resonate with me? Why do I continue to think I have to perform or measure up or prove myself? Thank you sweet Brad for your often subtle and sometimes out of necessity - abrupt reminders of God's unfathomable but transforming love for me. So today I just sat. I read. I thought. I sat some more but altogether I was just grateful for George. I am grateful that He challenged me to remember God's love and that He reminded me I couldnt earn anything and I am grateful for the experience overall. I know sometime down the road I may have a clue why George dropped in for our first 5 months of marriage but until then I am fine just knowing He is gone and He was supposed to go. I am happy.

Tomorrow I will take a dance class because they are free this week ( and I am free this week too! What a better thing to do then to play with Amos and tell him over and over how loved he is (even when he messes in the house, right? I mean I don't blame him....he has to go down 3 flights to make it to a safe place to relieve himself) and then I will dance. I may even take 2 or 3 classes tomorrow just to get it all out. Tap, jazz, street funk, hip hop...maybe even ballet! I feel great!

Wednesday, April 2, 2008

A visual just to tease you.....

How stinkin cute is Br....I mean, Amos??? Kidding, how cute is B-rad with our new puffball-to-be, Amos? So cute. Sign me up for the Brad and Amos fan club. I'm number one fan!

News, George, Vacay

Mama and Daddy Bagwell pick up little Amos on Sunday! We have been preparing all week for his homecoming. We went Sunday in a fury to 4 stores to find the perfect collar....not too standard, no too eccentric, not too girly...just right. Who would have thunk so much would go into a collar? We decided on a green, puffy, "hemp" collar to ease his comfort.

I only tell you this to confirm that we have gone nuts.


What are we thinking with a puppy anyway? The first 6 months of marriage have produced two selfish humans and now we are throwing an innocent puppy in the mix? (No worries, pet lovers....I am exaggerating a tad...)More so, we spent 3.5 hours picking out a collar!
God bless our unborn children because I can't imagine the investigation and research that will go into their pacifier!

Anyway, Amos comes Sunday and we can not stop talking about him. I am interested to see how thrilled we are with our decision next week after a few poopy cleanups and maybe some sleepless nights. Bring on parenthood!

* * *

God is good. His heart towards me is so good too. I wish I could tell you more and I will but I have had a visitor the last 6 months and let's just call that visitor "Henry." (For no particular reason) Henry is this big, ugly thing but when you look at it you can't really tell what it is. It is fuzzy and illusive. Often if I look at it in just the right light I start to get an idea of exactly what it is but for the most part I just turn away confused. Anyway, he is obtrusive in my marriage. He creeps into my dreams at night and unfortunately, has been the topic of any conversation the past 1/2 year....even though the bigger and more splendid thing named "Marriage" should be at center stage. He camps out in my bedroom, then sneaks into the bathroom too and just waits for me to come and interact. Nonetheless, I have finally come to a confident place where I am ready to push Henry to the curb. And, truly, God has lead me to this place and He has comforted me by opening small windows and closing little doors. Ultimately, I know He has gone before me and His plans for me are good. So, I sit and I wait for the right moment and even when I think it may be the right moment...he sometimes tells me it is not but I know it is coming and I feel freedom just knowing that. Thank You. Thank You.

* * *

Brad and I are walking to MARTA tomorrow at 6:20 am so throw us a biscuit if you pass us on Peachtree. Our flight to JAX leaves at 8:10 and since we like to do everything abnormally - we have chosen to walk to MARTA. Nice.
We will be on the beach at Ameila Island by 2pm and George and any impeding pressures from Brad's MBA classes or his job will be back in the 4-0-4. Hallelujah!
This is our first real "trip" together, on a plane, aside from the H-moon. This is one part of marriage that I had always looked forward to... Travelling with a boy and letting him take care of the logistics and my luggage!
Cheers to vacay's with B-rad and some days away from the city and heinous George.
See you Monday!