It was your typical steamy, North Atlanta Wednesday afternoon...about 3:17p.m. to be exact. I was doing as every job seeking applicant does after a potential suitor....relaying every little detail to the husband. After all, he makes better decisions than I do and can see clearly through my fog. There may have been a tear but not due to the most recent job offer but due to everything else. You know, what does this mean? Do we even like ramen noodles? How will our kids go to college? Did I miss my boat along time ago? Was there ever even a boat? Do I deserve to walk this earth and enjoy it's splendor amid my apparent uselessness ?(side note - this "fog" has me a little gloomier than normal but it shall pass. No worries.)
I pull into the Raceway to top off my 1/2 full massive tank. I mean, if I am not bringing in the big bucks at least I can save a few cents by filling up outside the perimeter. $3.82 a gallon perpetuated what was about to ensue.....along with my current state of confusion. I slide my debit as they dont take our beloved AmEx that is hopefully earning us a stay at a sweet Hilton somewhere tropical and far away. My throat grasps for hydration and for that soothing burning feeling of a diet coke. I resist and then I cave. I head for the convenient store to get a 69 cent diet coke with a splash of cherry. I love to make my own drink. I think I am addicted to control. I consider for but a second the fact that I should wait for the gas to stop before I get my oasis of carbonation. You know, gas thieves are on the increase. I survey the crowd. No gas thieves I am sure. Yes, some times we do judge books by their cover. All the while I am still relaying to Brad every ounce of thought that has entered my brain in the last 10 months over the phone. Poor Brad. And yes, maybe still a tear or two (this is part of the story later. I am not needing sympathy.) I decide against the coke. Line was too long. Plus, I can feel at least good about the fact that I will not kill my body with all the chemicals in DC ( I don't know if this is true but last weekend I was at a friends house who is a painter. Her "statement" for her artwork is carbonation + pigment. She chose this statement because the carbonation in the DC that she uses mixed with her paint allows the painting to basically be immortal. I am not sure what the art word is but it is almost indestructable and never fades. Something about her statement has me thinking against my daily desire for the burn of a cold DC???) I head for my car. Insert key. Turn. Turn the AC all the way up as I had already half melted just from walking to and fro the convenient store for no coke. I continue to blab to Brad and pull away. Normal.
4 seconds later I hear the most horrifying crumpling noise. My heart races. My tears stop. I look all around at the crowd previously surveyed. They are looking at me. Bye Brad....Ill call you right back...A bird must have just hit my car. I look. There is no car in my vecinity to have had an altercation with and no dead birds....no cement blocks or inanimate objects I could have hit. Nothing. Fight or flight??? I flew.
As I pull onto Mansell road people are stool looking at me. I call Brad back to tell him all is okay and he doesn't answer. I find out later he was praying that we could cover the cost. This little man is chasing me down the highway so I pull over. I probably shouldn't have normally. I roll down my window and in broken english he tells me "pump on car." Huh??? I paid all 80 something dollars for my 1/2 tank of gas. I get out of the car and walk around to the other side to calm the man down. I see "pump on car." Literally. Seriously. Really. There was a gas pump with a 10 foot long tube attached to my gas tank. I look back to see the crowd...now two businesses away.... still staring and pointing at me. As anyone who attempts to drive off with the gas pump would do I pull out the pump, screw on my cap and carry the pump and 10 foot tube back to the station....tears full on now. I am not sure how the next few minutes transpired. They were fast and blury and all I know is I was told I could leave. They asked if I needed to go to the hospital since apparently my face looked like I'd been hurt. I had. The last several months have left me a mess. My heart hurts. I want to be used. I want to be part of a story. No, I don't need the hospital. I don't really know what I need.
I know....this is where I lose you. See as my previous boss and friend would always say..."Waffles and spaghetti." No, not for supper. For women and men. Men can keep everything in a nice little square. Nice and compartmentalized. Not me. Not most women. The fact that I drove down Masnsell Rd with a gas pump connected to my car has to do with the fact that I am lost and that I am needing purpose. My head is foggy and it can't see clearly and it surely can not make rational decisions or large decisions about jobs and direction. I know half of you don't get that but the other half of you do and it is so true.
On the sunnyside of life...Even after my gas station folly I was still offered a part time job working with my parents as the "Marketing Manager." of their company. Nice title. And I get to see my mama and dad a ton. And, I get to meet with people during the day which has certainly been missing the past several months. And for now, I have Monday's and Friday's off... though hopefully, I will find some other shenanigans to keep me busy and out of trouble on those days. I am excited about this opportunity. I miss being around people during the day. Too much of anything is never good my mama always said. And lately, too much of "me" has just worn me out. So , I start Monday with some formal training on linens. Yes, linens. But I don't think of it as linens...I think of it as a way to "bring luxury to your everyday life!" I am ready for this! Oh, and, I will also be doing some sales training with another company. I am super pumped about this opportunity even though it may start out a little slower than I would like. Check out the company: www.teamenthusiasm.com. My picture and bio will be up soon. I love that I will get to train and teach others how to succeed. I know I have not been a success-phenom recently but I know how to get there....God just has me being a little refined right now. After all of this, I know more how God created me, too. And just knowing that a little more gives me the confidence that I can do anything!
And, the even-sunnier thing.....I don't have to pay to replace the gas pump.
Can Anyone Really Be “Blameless”?
4 hours ago