Boys will be boys

They like trucks.


They're cute.


They climb.


They wrestle.


They flirt with pretty girls.


They jump off ledges.




But they love their mama's most.

September 20th! What?

Did anyone notice the mysterious blog that vanished last week? There may be a prize if you did. It was one of those days where I wrote my heart out and then several hours later felt waaaay too exposed so I retraced the mountain of words and emotions. You'd think I was a little flaky if you didn't know me. Or maybe you do think I am pretty flaky, and I might agree. :)
Bottom line - God gave me some sleep for about 2 straight weeks and the floodgates opened....all of a sudden I could see so many things that were so blurry before. I know I am in one of those places in life where you notice that your very core is starting to change...like maybe you won't always be the person you've always been and maybe some change or sanctification is a really good thing. That was the gist of the mysterious post now lost in blog land. At the end of that post I promised a video of tweedle-dee and tweedle-dum. I don't have a video yet but two edible pictures of the boys this morning. Though they are both smiling in their respective pictures in the cushiony chair - don't think there wasn't some hair yanking and tears to just get in the chair. By the way, have I ever mentioned....I HAVE GOT TO GET A REAL CAMERA!!!



P.S. - How are we 10 days out from my favorite month? Where did the summer go? I don't know what to do with this time whirling by so quickly. My babies will be kissing girls soon!

Wee "school"

I. LOVE. FALL.
For many reasons I love this season. I was married in the fall on the perfect fall day. I love new beginnings. The colors make me giddy. Layering clothing is my favorite. But most of all.....we can get outside again after a HOT summer AND the boys have wee school for a few hours a week. We're not talking Ivy leagues here....just a few hours of free babysitting but they LOVE it and I enjoy every minute of me time in the car and out and about. If I see another 90 degree temp in the September forecast I may fall apart because we are in "fall" mindset over here and my joy will not be thwarted!

You have to write about it or you'll cry your eyes out

The event that you are about to read really happened and it happened just moments ago. While there are far more serious things that have probably happened in your day - this just made me want to ball up on the floor and cry my eyes out. But you'll be happy to know - I called a BFF and laughed about it instead and maybe said a four letter word or two.
It started yesterday when I made the biweekly trip to the local Costco to fetch a rotisserie chicken. Have you ever lived in a super kid friendly neighborhood where every stay at home mom and DINK (dual income no kids) wife hits the local Costco at the same time to snatch one of the limited rotisserie chickens? I didn't know there was a race for such a commodity until I few weeks ago when I found this magical $4.99 chicken to be the thing that solved most of my on the fly dinner needs. That very day I almost got in a hair pulling fight with what had to be a soccer mom of 3 over the last rotisserie chicken in the case. I'll carry on - yesterday I got the first little guy off the rotisserie and managed to leave the gigantic grocery store with only one other item. That calls for a congratulations right there! So, I was set to then go to the local Publix: aka The neighborhood afternoon playgroup but alas, the two boys weren't going to have anymore shopping so I went home defeated. I had set out in my mind to make my rendition of Souper Jenny's chicken tortilla soup. Haven't you, too, been craving some spicy and thick soup these last few days with the autumn-like weather? I came home with just my chicken and some blueberries and two very fussy babies. I threw together the worst dinner I've ever made for the king of our house and the little guy's and then I went out to meet a friend for dinner. But you better believe I went to bed knowing that today I would make it to the grocery store to get the other items needed for my soup and tonight's dinner would be a delightful soup and cornbread on the porch surrounded by the cool temperatures.

I should have known when my submarine sized grocery cart wouldn't fit into the ladies room at the local Wal-Mart that the trip was going to be off the Richter scales. But - I remained positive, stuffed the mouths with cookies and preceded on my quest for my beloved chicken soup. Then I'll leave out the middle of the day because it was just not fun. Everything sort of went wrong but I knew at the end of the day I could comfort myself with my comfort food of choice. So while the boys "un-napped" in their cribs I chopped and sliced and stewed away. Nearly two hours later I was ready for the chicken that I had spent 45 minutes picking apart and chopping to the perfect soup-sized pieces. The forces did not align for this to happen. Usually I could blame the next thing on the dog. Poor Amos gets all the blame usually but not this time. This time it was me. I don't know where my head has gone this year (or maybe I do but I still can't believe that sleep and medicine and babies could really zap my brain the way it has) but my brain is gone! I literally walked over to the poopy diapered trash and dumped the entire freshly chopped chicken in the trash. Then I came back the soup and looked at it and realized what I had just done with the chicken that was supposed to be swimming with the carrots and peppers.

Yes, this won't stop the world from carrying on and there is no real human loss just a whole bunch of pride and more so, "cool". It's like I walked over to the trash and through any patience I had in the poopy trash because after my little mistake I literally wanted to end my day in a ball in tears. You know the end of the story though. I took a deep breath and paced the kitchen for minutes retracing my 10 stupid steps to the poopy trash and then I just fell out laughing. There's an old Indigo girls song I remember and she said "You have to laugh at yourself or you'll cry your eyes out if not." So true, so true, my friends. Off to Costco for the 3rd time in 3 days.....I will not be defeated. Not today.

The long weekend

Since I've labored recently I felt quite deserving to soak up this Labor Day weekend. As usual, our family of 4 (and 2 runny noses) was on the go this weekend. The 3rd time we were packing up the car with the bottom half of the house for yet another 4+ hour getaway we both looked at each other and just laughed. We always are able to convince ourselves that the time as a family out of the house is worth the "pack up" but I am sure when we are finally settled into our own home we will look at our more mobile days as pure -nutso! But for now, we love seeing friends and other little ones, but more so doing things as a family!

This weekend consisted of (in no grand order) football, hamburgers, an elephant, an afternoon with grandma, more hamburgers, cotton candy for the first time, Dierks Bentley on repeat, a sweet grandma's birthday, maybe a milkshake, several late night movies after the boys were down, little cleaning, naps during thunderstorms, a little 1 year old walking, some finger paint, lots of "spills", and a whole bunch of wetwipes - wiping noses and other things that need wiped! It sort of goes without fail that if it's a long weekend - one or both of the boys won't feel well. Then what follows is a guessing game all weekend as to whether we should tough it out or chase down any doctor on call at the ER. We opted for the 1st this time and I am hoping by tomorrow that we are glad we did. Despite the little colds in the little people we had an enjoyable weekend together....one of the first in a really long time! Here are a few iphone pictures to follow. {I vow to have a camera by 2012!}

Sanctify

I didn't know much about mothering before entering this stage but I surely didn't know that sanctification came with the package. Sure, you get alot of repenting and forgiveness in marriage and the bi-product is always so sweet but I just didn't think "babysitting" little minds and hearts especially in these young years could dig so deep at my character. This week for some reason every "icky" part of me that may hide in my subconscious...you know the envy, or selfishness, or ungratefulness that just sits and grows moldy in the deepest part of you while you think you are just doing everyday life - well, it has surfaced. I can't say that I haven't asked for it though. I have pleaded nightly as I lay awake just praying for every little thing that comes to mind (and hoping it will result in some boring prayers that put me to sleep!) that God would show me all of Him through this process of sleeplessness. It's true - I will not come out of this year without having had my character and heart totally realigned. There have been too many things in my adult life that I have just gotten away with but that have sat festering...causing my heart a little more havoc each day/year that I let them go by. I know I am being hard but I really believe that behaviors and thoughts that aren't pure can cause serious damage on the inside. There are people in my life that I claim to have forgiven but really I haven't fully covered those people in a forgiving and forgetful grace....the kind that doesn't even see the past or expect the worst in the future. Or for instance the many times that my pride has caused me to shut my mouth in my marriage when my heart wanted praise and encouragement to flow. Pride is a sneaky thing and causes us to do the very thing we know we don't want to do. Yuck yuck yuck.

Anyway, somehow this week my two little boys have helped me see some of these things that lie so deep that many others would never see. I am reading yet another book called "Loving the little Years." As a mom, this book will make you feel like a saint and like you aren't crazy! The author has 5 kids under 5 and she says she didn't write the book because it is easy being a mom but because it isn't. This hit me:
"I remember a time when I used to be much godlier. It was sometime in junior high and my room was clean. It must have been beautiful weather outside because the lighting was very nice in my room where I was reading my Bible every day and feeling really good. It was quite clear to me that my sanctification was progressing very well. As the feeling wore off, I remember looking back to that time as a high point. That was really living the Christian life." (From Chapter 2: In the Rock Tumbler) {I hope you sense her sarcasm.}
The boys have helped me see this week that really living the life that I've always thought I was living means something so much harder than I ever knew. It means giving up myself to my children - not out of obligation but out of desire. I have selflessly given to them for 2+ years now but I admit, many times it's out of a motherly "duty" not necessarily a selfless desire to mold and guide their hearts and their development. It was Monday when the oldest little boy again said to me "mommy, you sad?" This time I wasn't at all sad - just being a mom on a normal afternoon - lazily laying on the floor as they played with eachother and about 7 trucks. I know this is a very very small example but it hurt my heart to think that the boys often see my lack luster outlook because they are the ones that are with me most....on the floor - all the while wondering if I'll every really selflessly embrace this time with their impressionable hearts. Would you be honest enough to admit that "the little years" aren't the most gratifying? But a friend texted me this last night and it made sense - I had said that I don't feel like I am mothering (and aging) very gracefully to which she said, "yes, but hopefully the end product will be graceful." And that is the point. Whether you are spending your mornings in an office or a hospital or a school or on the floor with little people - the investment isn't always the most graceful thing but hopefully the heart you are putting into your day will result in a beautifully graceful outcome.

Yes, oddly, I am grateful that the boys have a way with getting at the little things lodged deep in my heart. I never thought a toddler and a baby could make me think so much about the person I am.....the things that come out of my mouth....and the "me" that is behind the mom. I am more grateful today though that I know a real Grace that covers all of my inadequacies and even my selfishness. It covers it all and that is why in the end the product even has a shot at being graceful, valuable, and beautiful.