Here are a few of Brooks' latest tricks. He seems to have a new one everyday ranging from an intentional smile to a dip in the pool. Maybe many of his tricks are really just his parents attempts to be entertained for free but nonetheless he performed and we are thrilled with the little spud.
A sweet mama friend directed me to a cool site that speaks specifically about a babys development each month. I love looking at each of the bullets below and bringing a picture to mind of the little spud (as my dad calls him) doing that very thing. I am laughing in bed as I write and think about him. Oh, I miss him and he is only 30 feet away! Here is what we have been up to....
How I Grow
I still wobble my head a little when I'm propped up. I hold my head up for a few minutes when I'm on my stomach. I move my arms and legs and "bicycle" with my feet when I get excited. I hold onto things for a little while. I cry with real tears now. How I Talk
I gurgle, laugh, and smile when I'm happy. I like to try out cooing sounds. I cry to let you know when I want something, or when I am hungry, wet, or tired. How I Respond
I am fascinated by my own hands. I blink at shadows made by my own hands. I follow you with my eyes when you move. I can follow objects with my eyes. I smile at others besides my mother. I quiet down when I suck my fingers, a bottle, or a pacifier. I perform just to get your attention. I don't like some noises, like loud radios. I will tell you this by fussing. How I Understand
I recognize some people by their voices. I recognize a few objects, such as my bottle or a favorite rattle. I like to stare at people and things. How I Feel
I feel happy, scared or uncomfortable at times. I feel happy when I hear you tell me that I am beautiful and you love me.
Thanks, Katie, for my first preppy outfit! I love it! Aunt Teri has the magic touch with little people. This is my cousin...she is two months older than me and a little more petite than I am....I'm a good eater! My mama's mama (yet to be named in grandparent lingo) doesn't like to put me down...I love it! Amos and I are best buds. You'd fall asleep too if you lived in a swing! I love picnics with my family! (But I sure was hungry in this picture) Hello, My name is Molly Anne and I wish Brooks would look at me! My dad likes to make me an airplane....I love it too! One day I'll be as cool as my friend Lee! He already swims! This is what I do while Lee swims at the pool....nothing like a nap under the shade!
The little "bug" is now almost a whopping two months old! I am finding myself asking the question every mother has told me I would ask...."Where does the time go?" I have tried my darndest to soak up all the little moments....his saintly little face as he sleeps, his bursts of unconscious crying while he pseudo-sleeps, his obnoxious hiccups precisely 16 minutes after he eats, his first toothless grin, and even the first explosive diaper....yep, I have truly tried to enjoy each and every new thing - knowing that the new things are only going to come more quickly as the weeks go by. But as hard as I may try the past two months still seem like quite a blur probably due to A) Inconsistent sleep patterns and/or B)so many changes all at once combined with the depletion of those lovely pregnancy hormones. Mark this on your calendars though, today I can confidently say that I can stand on my own two feet without a How-to-be-a-mom-guidebook at my side (thank goodness those mothering instincts eventually kick in as the crazy hormones exit stage left), without an extra large glass of highly caffeinated sweet tea in the other hand, without calling my mama at every unusual sound or grunt, and oh yes, without a box of tissues at hand!
Start the chorus! Strike up the band! I have been longing for this day (all the while trying not to wish the days away....hard task, I know.)
Yesterday I took myself on a much needed mini vacation to my parents house. This isn't the house I grew up in but it is the house where memories are stored and peace seems to grow just as easily as my mama's new herb garden in the back yard. Unfortunately the grandparents weren't there to visit with the little guy and me but it actually proved to be a wonderful thing. After some time in the sun (where I (gulp) accidentally sunburnt half of the bug's face - I know, I feel awful about it...) I headed back to my getaway house. I sat cozily in an over sized chair while the little man slept and I read and drank fresh tea and I wrote and I loved. I loved the quiet, I loved feeling that no one knew where I was (not that anyone was wondering), I loved watching the little one sleep, and I loved on myself. I didn't feel any guilt for not being productive or for not exercising before noon. I didn't write a to do list for the afternoon or even plan what I would make for dinner. I didn't answer my phone or feel the need to text anyone. I didn't turn on the computer to see what everyone else was doing. I just sat and enjoyed the sunshine through the window and the little bit of peace I offered myself. As you have read, often I am my own worst enemy but not on this day. On this day my heart started to feel free again. (I'm positive anytime I write such euphoric ideas as my heart feeling free again you wonder where my heart has been and why I am so insistent on finding it and freeing it and you are probably wishing I would do it already and stop talking about it and just start posting pictures of the baby. It's a slow process. I am getting there but it is slow and gruelling so thank you for your patience while I am under construction.)
And with this freedom came a little bit of long awaited dreaming.
I dreamt of a complete makeover. No hair color changes or liposuction involved - but a full, all out makeover. I dreamt of making over my house. I am not necessarily calling in TLC or anything but I want to make my house a place of joy and serenity for my family. Our condo is pleasant and I will pat myself on the back for the quaint decor all done on a nonexistent budget but I envision something a little more inviting, a little more plump, a little more tasty for my family and our guests. I am excited to even have the energy and desire to dream this because I haven't really cared for many months now about the aura of our home. I want to have the type of home that my husband longs to come home to after a day at the office. I want our back door always to be open as neighborhood kids stop by for some perfectly made chocolate chip cookies. I want to create the kind of home that I don't feel like I need to "getaway" from every 6 weeks or so. It sure is easy when I am home all day to see our condo as a holding cell rather than a revolving door of serenity and happy things. But these type or renovations that I foresee really don't cost much at all....just a little letting go of my pride and opening my heart to love the way God designed me to do. Don't you just know when you walk into a house like the one I am describing that there have been years and years of small ounces of love poured into the relationships that were nurtured in the house. There are also dents and bangs and scrapes from the years of activity and lessons learned. So, naturally, I know this haven can not be created overnight but I want to atleast write down some plans for my home makeover. 1) Greet the husband at the door. Stop when Brad comes home. Stop cooking. Stop straightening. Stop playing with Brooks and greet Brad at the door. Before I was married I thought every women ran to the door when the person she pledged her life to walked through the entryway. Somewhere in between "I do" and "uh oh, I am pregnant" I have replaces this simple joy for much more mundane, less vulnerable tasks. I'll start today. 2) Don't cry over spilled milk. Literally. As you may or may not know (I never knew this before life with a baby) but milk from the breast (can I say that word on a G-rated blog?) is valuable valuable stuff...liquid gold they call it in the hospital. I won't go over the ins and outs of breastfeeding but just trust me - when you have extra - you treat it like fine china! So last week I spilt a whole lot of extra and literally found myself sobbing as I cleaned up the floor. It wasn't the end of the world. Our baby wouldn't starve but for some reason it just had me all in a tizzy. I know that life with a baby and maybe other babies in the future is going to be unpredictable. Things are going to spill. The couch will never be fully clean again. The dog is going to get mud on the floor but it is all okay. A lady told me recently that she now loves looking at the stain on her floor from her daughter experimenting her her makeup one day when she was a toddler. Her toddler is now 18 and she couldn't imagine removing that stain. Things are going to break and they are not always going to be perfect but a comfortable home doesn't care. 3) Use the china and the burn the candles! What a great gift to get a yummy scented candle with three wicks! You know, the big round ones that cost a fortune but warm a room so perfectly. I will stop looking at the candle and start burning it. And the china that so many of you gave us for our lovely commitment of marriage a year and a half ago - it is coming out of the box. A peanut butter and jelly sure looks inviting on a fancy plate and makes anyone feel special. 4)Give away the extra. My closet is a storehouse for a decade of fashion. I just can't part with my miniskirts from college and my first suits purchased for my first job. I'll never wear these items again but I have this thought that one day I will want that one striped shirt that I wore on my first interview and I would be crushed to have thrown it away. Blah blah blah...I have been saying this for years. Brad has offered to take a day off and organize my drawers....it's that bad. And sadly some of this stuff has tags on it. So if I haven't worn it, touched it, or used it in 6 months it is going to someone who will. I know in this economy there are countless stories of people who would value my unused stuff.
And just a few more..... 5) Chocolate chip cookies for any reason....temperature hit 100 degrees today....cookies! An old friend is stopping by to visit....cookies! Baby rolls over.....extra big cookies! I love a warm chocolate chip cookie for any occasion and I can't wait to bring back this old habit. 6)Daddy breakfast on Saturdays! This was actually Brad's idea but because I am such a control freak in the kitchen I have yet to give up my space for Brad's little experiment. Starting this Saturday I am ready to experience your new tradition Brad....bring on the pancakes! (Or Cinnamon Toast Crunch if I had to bet!) 7)Say no to text messages. I confess that this will be hard to break but I am just a little tired of textationships. I want to hear your voice and hear how things are really going for you..My stomach turns a little every time I decide to text someone my sentiments rather than just push the call button. You'll have to help me with this one but I think after a good few days away my fingers and my favorite people will thank me. 8)Be intentional. As I am typing Brooks is starting to wonder where he might eat dinner tonight. I need to go "be" with Brooks. I have certainly perfected the art of feeding, typing, texting and cooking all at once in these last 8 weeks but I am done.....I want to be present with Brooks when he is awake. I want to be present with Brad when he is home. I want to be present when I am writing and therefore, begin to enjoy it the way I used to. Be present, Betsy.
Off to play with the little bug. More to come on my makeover's.......there's alot of work to be done.....
*Firs thing is removing the music from the blog....there's just too much going on...and hopefully the next makeover will be a blog makeover. I just crave something clean and simple. Any suggestions????
We had our first real date tonight. Brooks entertained mama-Nise and Uncle Carter while Brad and I hit up a few of our favorite pre-baby hotspots....the mall to people watch, the Frosty Caboose - an ice cream Paradise and Haven, a local favorite restaurant. We talked about a beach trip in the fall and how the bulldawgs might look this season. Brad bought me a little treat to wear during the hot summer days and we held hands and strolled through the stores like there was nothing at all abnormal about our date. But as you know....even an hour without an infant now seems abnormal but it is so refreshing!
With little Brooks being just that - so little - it is easy to revert to pre-baby thinking. I hate to admit that you can forget about your baby but if I am out doing normal, everyday things and Brooks happens to be asleep or with Brad or mama - I quickly forget that the whole birth thing ever happened. I only have a little of the tummy left to remind me that my belly was once occupied and there aren't yet toys to trip over as I am wondering about the condo doing normal things. Sometimes I'll even start to feel guilty that my pajamas are still on and it's almost lunch time...forgetting that I only had 5.5 hours of broken up sleep the night before. Or more so, I'll feel like I should have had the house cleaned and any chores complete before the afternoon begins.....forgetting that there is a dependent little human needing my attention throughout the day. And so it continues....the lack of grace that I was able to extend to myself before Brooks still inflicts guilt on me now. Yuck yuck yuck! I want so badly to feel like I "just had a baby" and thus give myself a little bit of a break to not be two steps ahead. It's funny how our personalities are just that - OUR personalities. As much as I try - I can't change me overnight. I wish I could wake up tomorrow and forget to do anything productive and maybe even leave everything a mess including myself - and then not think twice about it! I would need heavy sedation to be able to do this though....no way to "will" myself to not care.
But my prayer for myself and other new mamas or really, for anyone going through big changes - RELAX! I pray that I can rest in knowing that I am fulfilling the purposes God has given me right now just by loving on Brooks and changing his diaper. That seems a little too easy for me but I know that it is the most important thing that I can do right now. I wrote in my journal last week that I want to "be fully present with Brooks." It is easy to multi-task while I am tending to Brooks. I decided last week that if he was awake and we were spending time together that I would be fully present - not on the phone, not answering emails and not flipping the television. I know if there are ever other kids in the future this may not be a reality but today Brooks is my only concern and I want to give him all of my attention even though he may not even know better. Like I said, since it is easy to forget that I am actually a mom now because the baby doesn't respond to much more than his own gas - it is just as easy to think that my time with him doesn't really matter. It does though. It is my purpose today to love him fully and give him all of my attention when we are playing together throughout the day.
I was reading this morning a short verse from Proverbs. How fitting. In their hearts human beings plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. I know that these steps have been made just for me at just this time and I am so grateful that my own plans don't always work out.....who knows where I'd be!
I love date nights! My head seems a little clearer and my heart a little more relaxed after.......
My mornings just got a little brighter. No, Brooks still likes to have a mommy party everynight at 3am so there is still little sleep. He even thinks it is cool to poop on himself after I dress him in the mornings...so no relief there. There is no mention of Eggo waffles in bed either so that isn't what's got me all anxious for the morning. It's ELLEN! The Ellen Degeneres show lives and I had thought it was gone for good. Back a long long time ago (seemingly) when I was pregnant I would love to watch the Ellen show on my afternoons off from work. I don't care what she stands for or who she married or anything - I just love her and I love her dancing. I could truly just watch the intro of the show when she dances in and have enough laughs to hold me over for weeks!
Well, before my whole world changed CBS rocked my world by getting rid of Ellen in the afternoons and until yesterday I thought that she was gone for good. All of my joy - gone - just like that - with the push of the remote control. But alas, Ellen is back and at just the perfect time! Brooks thinks it is cool to eat a mid morning snack right around 10 am just when Ellen will dance on to stage so what better time to pep myself up while the sweet baby gets a little fuel for the day! I know I have claimed in previous posts to not be one for television but I lied! Don't believe a word I say these days anyway....I am post pardom and rightfully partially insane. I love television that makes me laugh until my sides hurt. Better yet, I love television that makes me want to get up and dance! This is truly just what the doctor ordered....