Since I had the baby 7 weeks ago I have become infinitely more scatter brained than ever before. I know people say this happens but I have thought before that that was just an excuse to be care-free and forgetful at any moment. I truly stand corrected. It's not that I don't have intelligent thoughts. It's actually the opposite - I have too many. If you were to take a snapshot of my brain - especially when there are a few minutes of quiet - it would look like spaghetti junction at rush hour. Every thought honking and just trying to force it's way through the mess. Many of the thoughts do have to do with feeding times and ounces and amount of soiled diapers (who ever knew you'd have to keep up with that?) but a majority of them are much bigger and more normal like - how high is the power bill going to be this month with us alternating between heat and the AC because the weather isn't sure what it wants to do.....to - what could I do to surprise Brad for our 3 year anniversary? to - will I ever get to wear my skinny jeans from last year? (Please, let's pray the answer is yes!) to - how in the world do I raise two boys to be confident and whole in a society that is so broken?
Anyway, then just as I did last night I will sit down with my plethora of thoughts and try to write them down on paper - whether it be in list form or even just in conversation form like on the blog but nothing comes out. I'm not kidding...Brooks' mushed sweet potato last night looked prettier than my mushy brain last night as I sat hoping to sort through some of this stuff. I know the reason for this inability to articulate what's cranking on the inside is due highly to the lack of time to sit down and partly to the lack of sleep and I know, too, that this is just a season and there will be room to breathe soon. Atleast that is what you all have told me.
But in the meantime I feel very stupid. I know that is supposed to be a "bad" word when you have a toddler around but there is no better way to put it - I feel quite dumb these days. The majority of my conversation has become what I never thought it would become (how do you do this with a newborn and a toddler....how do I get B to nap longer, why won't W open his eyes longer...) just as I hoped I would never become that mom in a ponytail too! So please pardon me if I have nothing to offer you these days. I know I have been asking for a little grace for some time now but goodness.....I need more! The first time around I was fairly impressed with my ability to get back to normal. Within 4 days Brad and I had the baby out on a hot date in town and 2 weeks later I was happily wearing my old clothes (though they didn't look great - I could still get in them). This time I tell people I just had a baby as if "just" can encompass 7.5 weeks ago! Hello.....that's almost two months which I would have thought would be plenty of time to atleast get back to 90%!
So, once again, in lieu of some comical out take on mommyood or life as an almost-30 year old, and in lieu of some inspirational peace on how to find joy in each day - I leave you with a few recent pictures.....and even these few pictures were taken on the iphone - just another example of how things are out of place! By the time B was 7.5 weeks old I think we had 2000 pictures.....oh well, we'll catch up next week. That's what I keep saying about everything........
Yes, I am 7 weeks old and weigh 12.4lbs. My mommy wishes I could suck that much weight off of her before her beach trip.
B after a 2 hour "non-nap"
When B doesn't nap we reward him with play time at the hippo hopp! Really, I just can't fathom entertaining a 16 month old on my own for 6 hours straight with no nap. This trip was after we had already played with mommy's make up, thrown all of the bowls out of the cabinet, and attempted edible finger painting.
But when B has napped well (which happens only when big B is home on the weekends...of course) I love to sit on the front porch and chat about the day.....
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