Thursday, February 28, 2008
Overheard
While in the private bathroom stalls at our office (so, no worries, no one even knew I was in there) a lady was telling another lady that Easter this year is the earliest it will ever be in our lifetime. I dont know the math or science behind it but I know lent has to do with the lunar calendar and so for some reason the moon has detrmined that Easter is especially early this year. It is really early though...dont you think? My mom always like to put out Easter egg trees and decorations and I love those little cadberry milk chocolate eggs - not the ones with goo in the middle but the milk chocolate ones. Neither of these desires can really be acted on too soon this year because of the unusual early date. That's all I got. Thought it was neat. The things you over hear in a bathroom stall........profound.
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Two things to say
And they are producing the opposite effects, simultaneously.
*First, I have unzipped the back of my cute brown-Audrey Hepburn type dress to allow my rib cage to expand. I have gotten out of my chair every ten minutes to stand up and let my diaphragm lengthen. I have counted to ten. I have thought or attempted to think the loveliest of thougts. I've tried to forget about the trauma my lungs have began experiencing over the last 24 hours because I hear if you don't focus on whatever is afflicting you - it will go away. I would steal your inhaler from you if I knew it were in your purse. I dont know where else to turn. I can not seem to catch my breath today.
For any of the Terrace girls or my mother you know this predicament frequents my breathing patterns about twice a year. You know, too, why it happens. Supposedly I do too but every single time without fail I explain to yall my complicataions and ask for you to go along with my self-diagnosed growing asthma problems. But in the back of my mind the real diagnosis at hand lurks. It is this terrible, nasty little booger of a word - ANXIETY. And usually it comes about right when I would tell you I am least anxious. And like normal, I couldnt even begin to tell you what I am anxious over. I actually really believe that I am immune to anxiety. For real.
***Disclaimer: Brad, when you read this remember you have a ring on your finger and you are stuck.
Anyway, I can't tell you exactly the culprit for this current bout of anxiety. I could lead you in some gerneral direction but I surely thought I had those (anxiety drinving)thoughts in check. But....Just when things seem to be at peace my body freaks out on me and reminds me that nothing is ever truly at peace. My head is always churning little ideas or a sweet note to write to someone or a dream that I would like to start dreaming about one day or a way to be a better wife or find joy in my career.... Always churning....never stopping. Here is a post from about this time two years ago. In a way I am comforted because I don't feel crazy....yhis has happened before. Truly there are two times a year - Usually September and March that my airways become obstructed and I go into maintnance mode meaning I just have to try to get the air I can and hold on to it with all my life because as soon as it starts to go I have to do all these silly things to just try to breathe normal again. Someone out there has to have some expertise on this. Maybe I am allergic to the change of seasons. Or maybe that's just it - I am allergic to change altogether and when my body knows it's coming or it knows change is vitally needed...it starts to do weird, abnormal, obstructive things. Things I dont like. I'm going to leave it there. I am allergic to change and change is coming. I hope...
*On other notes, I received the grandest surprise in my mailbox yesterday. Except I dont actually have a mailbox anymore thanks to condo-living. I only say this because you know how much I love mail and love personal mail in my mailbox. I love even the act of going to the mailbox. I wont lie - I like to get the mail first. And yes, sometimes I stole the toy out of the cereal box before my brothers got to it. Call it oldest-child syndrome or whatever you wish but personally I think it is a grand thing (egocentricity probably is right there under the syndrome description as well.) I also used to love greeting Millie, the mail lady, when I lived at the Terrace. She was annoyed by us because we always had a car parked right in front of the mailbox but I think she loved to hate us...you know? Secretly she admired the fun house that we seemed to live in and she sort of liked that she had to remind us to move our cars....gave her purpose and authoirty and we all like that. Anyway, we got home from small group lastnight and we had a hard square shaped envelope addressed to both of us. I wasnt expecting any hard-square shaped letter that I recall so naturally, I was giddy just to know what the mail-stork had left us.
I certainly didnt expect what I was about to open either.
Digress to the wedding 4 months prior. Intimately planned ceremony....a few of my favorite friends playing the music that was very personal to both of us. Day goes by quickly. I barely remember the flavor of my cake and much less what the ceremony sounded like.
Foward 4 months. Yes, it took more than 4 months to get the video from our videographer. That's a whole nother story. Needless, we watch it to try for once to really get a feel for that day. We get to the communion part of the ceremony and the audio was muted!!!!!!!!! For real. I have been so sad over this the last few weeks. The song we chose is very dear to me and more so, my roommate and sweet friend, Kat, and two of my other friends worked so hard to make everything sound perfect. All I remember about the 4 minutes is that there was a bee near Brad's ear and I couldnt hear a thing because we were both sobbing at the warmth and comfort we felt in that moment. Nonetheless, it is not there. Not any part of the video. I had concluded that I would never be able to relive those precious moments ever again (note: drama added for effect. PS - affect or effect? I need help!)
Rewind to lastnight where I discover that our videographer )who we were sort of at odds with) had sent a cd of the 4 plus minutes of audio during communion. You have no idea.....I listened to this maybe 7 times lastnight and had to make myself stop so I wouldnt tire of it before I got to blare it in my car on the way to work this morning. Then throughout the day today I have snuck out to listen to it in my car. It makes me breathe normal again. No drama added here, this surprise has truly changed my attitude today. It is so powerful to hear the slightly muffled song in the background and the whisper of Brad's sincere voice piping through the mic. The original problem is that the 3 mics all interfered with eachother and the song wasnt clear. But it couldnt be more perfect. Now I have the faint sound of my friends harmonizing perfectly in the background of such thoughtful and touching words by both Brad and Gary, the pastor. Exhale.........I haven't experienced anything more soothing in a long time. How sweet, too, to be reminded in the midst of the turmoil in my head that God saught us out and we are living right in the middle of His good and perfect will...no matter how much anxiety I may be feeling. I am humbled to know that somehow Brad and I are part of a bigger story together now. Any anxiety I am feeling, I trust, is just His spirit within me trying to guide me against my stubbornness and selfishness. Hence any tension within.
What a beautiful irony today.
*First, I have unzipped the back of my cute brown-Audrey Hepburn type dress to allow my rib cage to expand. I have gotten out of my chair every ten minutes to stand up and let my diaphragm lengthen. I have counted to ten. I have thought or attempted to think the loveliest of thougts. I've tried to forget about the trauma my lungs have began experiencing over the last 24 hours because I hear if you don't focus on whatever is afflicting you - it will go away. I would steal your inhaler from you if I knew it were in your purse. I dont know where else to turn. I can not seem to catch my breath today.
For any of the Terrace girls or my mother you know this predicament frequents my breathing patterns about twice a year. You know, too, why it happens. Supposedly I do too but every single time without fail I explain to yall my complicataions and ask for you to go along with my self-diagnosed growing asthma problems. But in the back of my mind the real diagnosis at hand lurks. It is this terrible, nasty little booger of a word - ANXIETY. And usually it comes about right when I would tell you I am least anxious. And like normal, I couldnt even begin to tell you what I am anxious over. I actually really believe that I am immune to anxiety. For real.
***Disclaimer: Brad, when you read this remember you have a ring on your finger and you are stuck.
Anyway, I can't tell you exactly the culprit for this current bout of anxiety. I could lead you in some gerneral direction but I surely thought I had those (anxiety drinving)thoughts in check. But....Just when things seem to be at peace my body freaks out on me and reminds me that nothing is ever truly at peace. My head is always churning little ideas or a sweet note to write to someone or a dream that I would like to start dreaming about one day or a way to be a better wife or find joy in my career.... Always churning....never stopping. Here is a post from about this time two years ago. In a way I am comforted because I don't feel crazy....yhis has happened before. Truly there are two times a year - Usually September and March that my airways become obstructed and I go into maintnance mode meaning I just have to try to get the air I can and hold on to it with all my life because as soon as it starts to go I have to do all these silly things to just try to breathe normal again. Someone out there has to have some expertise on this. Maybe I am allergic to the change of seasons. Or maybe that's just it - I am allergic to change altogether and when my body knows it's coming or it knows change is vitally needed...it starts to do weird, abnormal, obstructive things. Things I dont like. I'm going to leave it there. I am allergic to change and change is coming. I hope...
*On other notes, I received the grandest surprise in my mailbox yesterday. Except I dont actually have a mailbox anymore thanks to condo-living. I only say this because you know how much I love mail and love personal mail in my mailbox. I love even the act of going to the mailbox. I wont lie - I like to get the mail first. And yes, sometimes I stole the toy out of the cereal box before my brothers got to it. Call it oldest-child syndrome or whatever you wish but personally I think it is a grand thing (egocentricity probably is right there under the syndrome description as well.) I also used to love greeting Millie, the mail lady, when I lived at the Terrace. She was annoyed by us because we always had a car parked right in front of the mailbox but I think she loved to hate us...you know? Secretly she admired the fun house that we seemed to live in and she sort of liked that she had to remind us to move our cars....gave her purpose and authoirty and we all like that. Anyway, we got home from small group lastnight and we had a hard square shaped envelope addressed to both of us. I wasnt expecting any hard-square shaped letter that I recall so naturally, I was giddy just to know what the mail-stork had left us.
I certainly didnt expect what I was about to open either.
Digress to the wedding 4 months prior. Intimately planned ceremony....a few of my favorite friends playing the music that was very personal to both of us. Day goes by quickly. I barely remember the flavor of my cake and much less what the ceremony sounded like.
Foward 4 months. Yes, it took more than 4 months to get the video from our videographer. That's a whole nother story. Needless, we watch it to try for once to really get a feel for that day. We get to the communion part of the ceremony and the audio was muted!!!!!!!!! For real. I have been so sad over this the last few weeks. The song we chose is very dear to me and more so, my roommate and sweet friend, Kat, and two of my other friends worked so hard to make everything sound perfect. All I remember about the 4 minutes is that there was a bee near Brad's ear and I couldnt hear a thing because we were both sobbing at the warmth and comfort we felt in that moment. Nonetheless, it is not there. Not any part of the video. I had concluded that I would never be able to relive those precious moments ever again (note: drama added for effect. PS - affect or effect? I need help!)
Rewind to lastnight where I discover that our videographer )who we were sort of at odds with) had sent a cd of the 4 plus minutes of audio during communion. You have no idea.....I listened to this maybe 7 times lastnight and had to make myself stop so I wouldnt tire of it before I got to blare it in my car on the way to work this morning. Then throughout the day today I have snuck out to listen to it in my car. It makes me breathe normal again. No drama added here, this surprise has truly changed my attitude today. It is so powerful to hear the slightly muffled song in the background and the whisper of Brad's sincere voice piping through the mic. The original problem is that the 3 mics all interfered with eachother and the song wasnt clear. But it couldnt be more perfect. Now I have the faint sound of my friends harmonizing perfectly in the background of such thoughtful and touching words by both Brad and Gary, the pastor. Exhale.........I haven't experienced anything more soothing in a long time. How sweet, too, to be reminded in the midst of the turmoil in my head that God saught us out and we are living right in the middle of His good and perfect will...no matter how much anxiety I may be feeling. I am humbled to know that somehow Brad and I are part of a bigger story together now. Any anxiety I am feeling, I trust, is just His spirit within me trying to guide me against my stubbornness and selfishness. Hence any tension within.
What a beautiful irony today.
Friday, February 22, 2008
I can't help but share this with 'you"..whoever 'you' are....
This is the beautifully humbling post from a friend of mine's mother who has been writing over the last year to keep us updated on her daughter's dimishing mental and physical health. Her daughter is my age or slightly younger. Too young to experience such a loss but all the more hopeful than anyone I have ever known. I am reminded of the fraility and beauty that this life on earth offers me everytime I get to read her update. Let this touch you.
30 February 22, 2008 at 04:18 PM EST
It has been a quiet week. I read to Megan quite a bit. I love to read out loud and Megan is my captive audience - I think she loves it even if dozing. Sometimes she laughs and I read on - sometimes she cries and I get the message and quit. We see a slow steady decline of abilities, but do believe she is more beautiful than ever!
About this time last year, Megan wrote in her journal “Oooh Lord, to have the confidence to be able to serve and love you with no hesitation and few worries – oh, I long for that! Oh, Lord, I pray at this very moment that you would be growing me into who you would have me to be - at this very moment you would prepare me for that and I would be amazed at your perfect plan for my life – and thankful. God, I so wish I knew how you worked but since I don’t, help me to love and trust you like never before. Thank you for the blessings in my life – help me to see them as blessings.”
And then Megan’s forgetfulness began to increase. Her handwriting began to falter, her frustrations increased with her own ability to function at her normal speed. As a teacher, she kept her sense of humor and allowed her kindergartners to sign the lunch count as she realized some days she could not form the letters. She said, “You should see their eyes light up when they realize they are writers!” She took it upon her herself to get to her doctor and have a check-up. Normal and healthy, just stressed, said the doctor. So she ratcheted back her schedule. But the symptoms increased and she became more and more frustrated, but still trusting and thankful. Being young and healthy kept us all from being overly concerned. Looking back one year, her positive spirit and seemingly good physical health was one of those disguised blessings that probably masked the invisible culprit of deadly activity building momentum, hidden in her bright and beautiful mind, starting it’s march to destruction. It was a blessing that kept her spirits up as she tried to get well. Her journaling gave her strength. She talked to the Lord throughout - while she could write – trusting and loving the One who cared for her. She was in fact as I look back “able to serve and love God with no hesitation and few worries” as her journal read.
I believe that God protected Megan from knowing that her life was about to take a major turn – a turn that would alter her plans for 2007 - a major blessing. Every doctor gave her hope through the progression of stages. Each one fell in love with the joy and enthusiasm she was able to bring to every appointment, always smiling, trusting, and thanking them for their help, always hoping they would find the answer to her mysterious troubles.
And they did….and here we are…..one year later…..trying to be brave like Megan, trying to trust and “love and serve with no hesitation and few worries”. God in his mercy protected Megan from the pain of knowing her disease or its prognosis. He has allowed us that knowledge and watches to see what we do with it. In our shock and hurt, we do not suffer alone. That is what the cross of Christ teaches us – and I am learning as I go.
Henri Nouwen writes “When John beheld the broken Christ on the cross, he saw blood and water coming from Christ’s side (John 19:34). And we too perceive a gift flowing that gave life and that will give life to us. We will suffer, and suffer with one another, but in doing so we will uncover nothing less that the presence of a God whose consolation keeps us going.” He goes on to say “Pain suffered alone feels very different from pain suffered alongside another. Even when the pain stays, we know how great the difference if another draws close, if another shares with us in it. This kind of comfort comes most fully and powerfully visible in the Incarnation, wherein God comes into our midst – into our lives – to remind us “I am with you at all times and in all places.”
Thank you for drawing close - God is with us.
30 February 22, 2008 at 04:18 PM EST
It has been a quiet week. I read to Megan quite a bit. I love to read out loud and Megan is my captive audience - I think she loves it even if dozing. Sometimes she laughs and I read on - sometimes she cries and I get the message and quit. We see a slow steady decline of abilities, but do believe she is more beautiful than ever!
About this time last year, Megan wrote in her journal “Oooh Lord, to have the confidence to be able to serve and love you with no hesitation and few worries – oh, I long for that! Oh, Lord, I pray at this very moment that you would be growing me into who you would have me to be - at this very moment you would prepare me for that and I would be amazed at your perfect plan for my life – and thankful. God, I so wish I knew how you worked but since I don’t, help me to love and trust you like never before. Thank you for the blessings in my life – help me to see them as blessings.”
And then Megan’s forgetfulness began to increase. Her handwriting began to falter, her frustrations increased with her own ability to function at her normal speed. As a teacher, she kept her sense of humor and allowed her kindergartners to sign the lunch count as she realized some days she could not form the letters. She said, “You should see their eyes light up when they realize they are writers!” She took it upon her herself to get to her doctor and have a check-up. Normal and healthy, just stressed, said the doctor. So she ratcheted back her schedule. But the symptoms increased and she became more and more frustrated, but still trusting and thankful. Being young and healthy kept us all from being overly concerned. Looking back one year, her positive spirit and seemingly good physical health was one of those disguised blessings that probably masked the invisible culprit of deadly activity building momentum, hidden in her bright and beautiful mind, starting it’s march to destruction. It was a blessing that kept her spirits up as she tried to get well. Her journaling gave her strength. She talked to the Lord throughout - while she could write – trusting and loving the One who cared for her. She was in fact as I look back “able to serve and love God with no hesitation and few worries” as her journal read.
I believe that God protected Megan from knowing that her life was about to take a major turn – a turn that would alter her plans for 2007 - a major blessing. Every doctor gave her hope through the progression of stages. Each one fell in love with the joy and enthusiasm she was able to bring to every appointment, always smiling, trusting, and thanking them for their help, always hoping they would find the answer to her mysterious troubles.
And they did….and here we are…..one year later…..trying to be brave like Megan, trying to trust and “love and serve with no hesitation and few worries”. God in his mercy protected Megan from the pain of knowing her disease or its prognosis. He has allowed us that knowledge and watches to see what we do with it. In our shock and hurt, we do not suffer alone. That is what the cross of Christ teaches us – and I am learning as I go.
Henri Nouwen writes “When John beheld the broken Christ on the cross, he saw blood and water coming from Christ’s side (John 19:34). And we too perceive a gift flowing that gave life and that will give life to us. We will suffer, and suffer with one another, but in doing so we will uncover nothing less that the presence of a God whose consolation keeps us going.” He goes on to say “Pain suffered alone feels very different from pain suffered alongside another. Even when the pain stays, we know how great the difference if another draws close, if another shares with us in it. This kind of comfort comes most fully and powerfully visible in the Incarnation, wherein God comes into our midst – into our lives – to remind us “I am with you at all times and in all places.”
Thank you for drawing close - God is with us.
Yu-Me
My toes are screaming because of what my belly just tasted. Oh-my-delish-a-yummy-ness! This early morning I awoke to the hard rain and the dark dark...the kind that you know is going to stay around longer than usual. But much to my bodies dismay - I bolted out of bed and headed for 'el gimnasio' (gym - in English, chica). I din't even have to teach a class...well, I thought I did so that is what got me there but when I got there - I learned it wasn't my Friday to teach. Now normally I may have comvinced myself that I should go home because the dark dark was calling, my bed was oh-so-warm, and I have a long weekend with highschoolers ahead so rest in needed. Not this morning. No-siree. I started hopping back and forth to get my blood flowing and decided to make the most of my pre-morning time. So, the only downside to this whole scenario is that early-a.m. workouts do something amazing to my self confidence. And this is a bad thing. I begin to think that I will never have to work out another day in my life and that anything I eat will burn off before it enters my mouth.
Enter (Stage Left) The Most Amazing Brownie I Have Ever Tasted.
Ever.
I am a HUGE fan of brownies and chocolate chip cookies. I dont need cake or breads or muffins or cupcakes or fondue or creme things or puffs or trifles or mousse or icecream. Just a brownie or a chocolate chip cookie. But I am a natzi (is that PC to say on the internet? I dont know) about my chocolate based favorite treats. I need perfect texture...slightly crisp on the edges but super gooey in the middle - the way Kat taught me to make them years ago at the Terrace. This lesson may be the most valuable lesson to date and now that I think of it...I have never fully aknowledged that dear-Kat was the dear-teacher (and she is a real teacher now which is just suiting. So selfless.) When I lived at the Terrace we always had cookie dough in the fridge. I thought that the other 3 roommates helped me stock the fridge with our favorite - Pillsbury Family sized roll cookie dough but come to learn the truth - it was all my doing. I am the butterball for sure. Anyway, it was always our favorite thing to make up some perfect cookies for any occasion...new episode of Grey's, a pretty Saturday morning, Catie finishing one of her never-ending projects, our yard being cut, Kat making an A on a project (she always did), a birthday, an anniversary of an old relationship (yes, girls always remember those days (until you get married, no worries B-rad)), an expected visitor or just because. I think this trick has something to do with the pursuit of Mr. Brad for Misses-me. He loved my cookies! And other things but he certainly never turned down a cookie or four. And I love him for that. No one should ever insult someone who offers them a homemade (or Pillsbury-perfectly-baked) cookie. Rude. Fortunately, Brad never resisted.
Back to the subject at hand. The brownie I just inhaled in the office. Soft, chewy, a few scatterd nuts, a few crums that fall into my hand to make the experience last longer, just enough sweet and tart to make your tastebuds go nuts....mmmmmm....my tummy shakes just thinking about it and anticipating the next time I might treat it again. So this little contraption of cocoa and nuts has truly made my Friday. And like I said, what is even better than milk with the brownie is that fact that before I even ate the prized-brownie, I had already worked it off. I love early morning workouts! TGIF.....
(Funny....now that I look back at the title of the post it looks like I am saying "You-Me". No no no. Yuuuuuuuuu-mmmmmmmy!)
Enter (Stage Left) The Most Amazing Brownie I Have Ever Tasted.
Ever.
I am a HUGE fan of brownies and chocolate chip cookies. I dont need cake or breads or muffins or cupcakes or fondue or creme things or puffs or trifles or mousse or icecream. Just a brownie or a chocolate chip cookie. But I am a natzi (is that PC to say on the internet? I dont know) about my chocolate based favorite treats. I need perfect texture...slightly crisp on the edges but super gooey in the middle - the way Kat taught me to make them years ago at the Terrace. This lesson may be the most valuable lesson to date and now that I think of it...I have never fully aknowledged that dear-Kat was the dear-teacher (and she is a real teacher now which is just suiting. So selfless.) When I lived at the Terrace we always had cookie dough in the fridge. I thought that the other 3 roommates helped me stock the fridge with our favorite - Pillsbury Family sized roll cookie dough but come to learn the truth - it was all my doing. I am the butterball for sure. Anyway, it was always our favorite thing to make up some perfect cookies for any occasion...new episode of Grey's, a pretty Saturday morning, Catie finishing one of her never-ending projects, our yard being cut, Kat making an A on a project (she always did), a birthday, an anniversary of an old relationship (yes, girls always remember those days (until you get married, no worries B-rad)), an expected visitor or just because. I think this trick has something to do with the pursuit of Mr. Brad for Misses-me. He loved my cookies! And other things but he certainly never turned down a cookie or four. And I love him for that. No one should ever insult someone who offers them a homemade (or Pillsbury-perfectly-baked) cookie. Rude. Fortunately, Brad never resisted.
Back to the subject at hand. The brownie I just inhaled in the office. Soft, chewy, a few scatterd nuts, a few crums that fall into my hand to make the experience last longer, just enough sweet and tart to make your tastebuds go nuts....mmmmmm....my tummy shakes just thinking about it and anticipating the next time I might treat it again. So this little contraption of cocoa and nuts has truly made my Friday. And like I said, what is even better than milk with the brownie is that fact that before I even ate the prized-brownie, I had already worked it off. I love early morning workouts! TGIF.....
(Funny....now that I look back at the title of the post it looks like I am saying "You-Me". No no no. Yuuuuuuuuu-mmmmmmmy!)
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
Mama's sick
And it is really all I can think about today. Maybe it's just a cold with a nasty sore throat but there is just something that gets me whenever mama is sick. Mama is like Superman or the Braves or the Berlin wall or something. She is usually always good and always tough. Whether its her physical health, mental health or spiritual health - she never has much to complain about. I admire her for this. Truly selfless I tell you because you know me, everyone knows when something has me even slightly off my rocker.
Anyway, I talked to mama last night and she sounded terrible. On top of that my dad is out of town and I think my younger sister may be too busy being a teenager. So last night mama went and got herself some soup and went to bed. I should have not listened to her and come to her rescue. It just really shakes me when the one person who is the strongest person I know isn't feeling normal. More so, I dont want her to be alone. Mama was always the best nurse for us. I am one of four kids so there was a weekly ailment around the house and I would say 48 of 52 weeks the ailment had to do with me. I am wimp when it all comes down to it. Brad is just lucky that he hasnt had to be a nurse to me yet because unlike the rest of my 'non-high maintenance' personality (ha!) - I am extremely high maintnance when it comes to being sick. So usually mam's cure for our perpetual sicknesses or bumbs and bruises was the perfect combo. I mean the perfect combo. A coke and a reeces peanut butter cup. Nothing has ever made me feel so healthy and so 'fixed' as a reeces and a coke from the can. You may laugh at this true home remedy but something about the combo was magical or maybe it was just the sincerity in which my mama believed the two could cure. So that's all I wanna do....hop over to mama's house and bringher her very own co-cola and reeces peanut butter cup. I just want to make her better like she always makes me better no matter the mood or the ailment.
Anyway, I talked to mama last night and she sounded terrible. On top of that my dad is out of town and I think my younger sister may be too busy being a teenager. So last night mama went and got herself some soup and went to bed. I should have not listened to her and come to her rescue. It just really shakes me when the one person who is the strongest person I know isn't feeling normal. More so, I dont want her to be alone. Mama was always the best nurse for us. I am one of four kids so there was a weekly ailment around the house and I would say 48 of 52 weeks the ailment had to do with me. I am wimp when it all comes down to it. Brad is just lucky that he hasnt had to be a nurse to me yet because unlike the rest of my 'non-high maintenance' personality (ha!) - I am extremely high maintnance when it comes to being sick. So usually mam's cure for our perpetual sicknesses or bumbs and bruises was the perfect combo. I mean the perfect combo. A coke and a reeces peanut butter cup. Nothing has ever made me feel so healthy and so 'fixed' as a reeces and a coke from the can. You may laugh at this true home remedy but something about the combo was magical or maybe it was just the sincerity in which my mama believed the two could cure. So that's all I wanna do....hop over to mama's house and bringher her very own co-cola and reeces peanut butter cup. I just want to make her better like she always makes me better no matter the mood or the ailment.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
No excuses
Many stories are ricochetting (yikes....the spelling on that!) through my mind that desperately need to be captured on this little site. Unfortunately, I have no real excuse. I just cant today. My mind is going in 47 directions like it does when you land at the Atlanta airport and have to go through customs all to try and make it to a dinner in the next hour. "Should I tell the truth about the international food hiding in my luggage. It's just cookies - or 'Galletas' as they call them. Is Marta really going to be 'smarta'? What if it is freezing outside and my coat is at the bottom of the bag? What row did I park in again? Where did I write the note to myself to remind myself of my row? Did anyone even miss me? Will I ever go to Bora Bora? Where is the nearest Starbucks (D-terminal for future reference....so, not very close!)".....
That's what my head feels like or more specically, ....."What do I want for dinner? When did I buy the boots on my feet? What do I want to be when I grow up? Where is my dad travelling to today? How much does it cost to go to the zoo? Has my friend Julia had her baby? When will I have a baby? (AGGGHHHH...I made this one up. Kidding!)Will Brad and I ever quit our jobs and travel the world for a year? Maybe I should grow my hair back out. I miss my mama.
So, as you can see...too much stuff today to filter through it all. It's just one of those days where you feel like you are looking at things from an outside perspective and all the while having conversations with yourself about what you see. I like to call it perplexive. Many just call it confused. Good thing I can start over tomorrow.
That's what my head feels like or more specically, ....."What do I want for dinner? When did I buy the boots on my feet? What do I want to be when I grow up? Where is my dad travelling to today? How much does it cost to go to the zoo? Has my friend Julia had her baby? When will I have a baby? (AGGGHHHH...I made this one up. Kidding!)Will Brad and I ever quit our jobs and travel the world for a year? Maybe I should grow my hair back out. I miss my mama.
So, as you can see...too much stuff today to filter through it all. It's just one of those days where you feel like you are looking at things from an outside perspective and all the while having conversations with yourself about what you see. I like to call it perplexive. Many just call it confused. Good thing I can start over tomorrow.
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