I can't think of a title

So please send me your comments and title this quick post. Nothing seemed fitting enough.

I'll start with this.
Psalm 34
(4)I sought the Lord and He answered me, He delivered me from all my fears.
(8) Taste and see that the Lord is good; blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.


These are two verses I know I have heard over and over but this morning as I shut my eyes and listened to the eloquent lady read them they just sounded inviting....the kind of invitation that seemed only to be for me. My friend invited me to a mom's bible study this morning or maybe I invited myself but nonetheless it was great to have a friend next to me. At first I was excited to go and then when the moment came I selfishly just wanted to go work out and sit still with no human interaction and with no baby {this seems to be a theme lately doesn't it?} This is the first morning babysitter I have hired since Brooks was born. Oh my goodness, this is a drug. I am now addicted to babysitters! I love spending time with Brooks during the day, I love teaching him, I love him teaching me and as I mentioned the other day - I want to soak it all up. BUT pass me the babysitter once a week, please! It was so wonderful to walk out the door and not feel guilty because I wasn't paying her (the way I usually feel with family help) and to know I had her there for 3 hours and I had those hours to do everything or nothing. Well, I did go to the bible study as planned and I am so glad I did. There is something about sitting in a room of women in your same stage in life that fills you like no work out or nail pampering or shopping trip will ever do. Another friend had warned me that often she found tears streaming down her cheek in the midst of this time. I was definitely that girl today and I am so glad I was.....I have needed something to jolt me, something to grab me and luckily, this morning my few hours away did just that!

Though I don't feel like I have had the energy to seek the Lord the way I would hope or the way I once thought He expected, I know that He knows my heart and more so, he knows my needs. Thus, this morning I felt the start of being released [delivered as the verse says] from many of my fears regarding motherhood. Let's face it - fear that I'm not good at being a mom in the first place, fear of intimacy with my family, fear that I made a mistake in the first place, fear that I will never again have a real moment to myself void of a physical child or the worry of a child that isn't with me, fear that I don't know how to ever discipline, fear that any of the baggage I may have taken from my childhood will effect Brooks and his brother, fear that any brokenness or emptiness I may ever feel is too big to ever actually be able to give my heart to children and a spouse - goodness, those are alot of fears to even start to sort through. I am just thankful this morning something registered with me. I don't have to fix all of my fears before I embrace this role. Can I get an Amen. For the first time in a long while this morning I tasted that sweet taste of the Lord's goodness and I saw and felt that it was so good. And for the first time, too, in many months I want to take refuge in the goodness of a God who knows me, knows what I need, and in His own way gives me just what I need. What a perfect way to begin to celebrate Easter week (though a few days late!)

Not to add, this weather is intoxicating. Thank you, Lord, for this rejuvenating morning. Thank you for babysitters. Thank you for being my safe place to land.