Patience, ewwwww

Why is waiting so hard? I know the obvious reasons but as a spiritual person, and someone who believes and has seen in the past that everything just sort of works our the way it should, and always better than I'd hoped, the answer should be even more obvious. Waiting creates deep desire that often comes from outside of ourselves because really if it were up to us we'd make everything happen right when we had the initial desire.

I've been sleeping pretty consistently lately and the answer to this year long problem has totally blown my socks off. There is more to come on that later but the point is that - had I started sleeping like normal a week after this insomnia began 16 months ago I wouldn't have nearly the depth and understanding that I do now. This test of patience was one I know will stay with me always. I am not sure how I got through this last year looking back on it and everyday I just beg and plead that I am protected from it again. But who knows??? If so much good came from this extensive trial than why would I resist that type of reward?

Though we haven't talked about it much on here we've also been enduring a grueling season of waiting in another major aspect of our life at home. It's just that - our home. We have been waiting for almost 6 months now for a home to move to with just a tad more space and a place that we can finally call ours. Luckily, because of our moves over the last few years, we have ended up in rental situations. This was such a blessing for us and an odd answer to a prayer for us early on in our marriage. Luckily now, because of this "fate" we haven't been stuck under a mortgage of a home that we can not sell in a city that we aren't even residing. But of course on this end we would do anything to finally, after 4 years of marriage, 3 houses, and 2 kids to feel "settled" if that really exists. I really can't remember a month in the last 4 years that we haven't been looking at houses on the market that we would potentially buy so it seems like the search is truly never ending. Then recently we put in two offers on two separate houses and both fell through even after being the first people to see the houses and offering above the list price. Our hearts were truly broken the 2nd time when we found out that our offer was out bid. So, now, 2 months later we are still here, waiting as patiently as we can for a door to open....in November of all terrible months to find a house! Ironically, the thing that has fueled my patience with our house search is the battle with insomnia. We did finally receive an answer and it was in a very unexpected form but I am so thankful that God did answer us...no matter how late the answer seemed. I am assured that the answer to our first house will come, too, when least expected but perfectly in God's time. A few Sunday's ago at our church the message was about when God is late. I know there are 2999 other people sitting in the auditorium when I am there but that day it was just me, Andy's words, and a special sense of Gods presence. The whole message reminded me of our past year with insomnia and now our year that continues with the ephemeral house search.

But then yesterday this whole patience thing surprised me in the best way. Brad and I didn't get to talk yesterday morning which I know is probably normal for many but usually we have touched base about the bruises the boys have endured from the morning and the broken object count for the day by lunch time. After a long weekend away in Jacksonville (for a very patiently awaited WIN for the Bulldawgs!) I just figured big-daddy-Warbucks was catching up on work from the days he was out. He came home for lunch (which is something I do love about our house now....he is so close) and I knew the moment he walked in he had news. I wasn't sure if it was good or bad but I knew there was news. Instead of spending the morning slammed as I had thought he had been in an office with several men, much senior than him, receiving accolades and a little promotion. Goodness, it always happens just like that....out of the blue....and after Brad has begged me to be patient with his career path. Isn't it hard as a wife? You want the most for your spouse and of course we see them as the best workers they could be so I had thought that this jump into management had been long overdo months ago but I was so thankful that this news happened not on my own clock. I prayed back in March that Brad would see progress in his job and that he would feel valued and respected. Many times I would hassle him to "talk to his boss" and he always reminded me it wasn't just that easy. You'd think I'd been out of corporate America for decades but it's really only been 3 years. It's just the whole "patience" thing at it's best.....working in me right where I need to be worked on. In this area Brad's patience certainly paid off and I know it was worth the wait.

I truly think patience is learned and not just something we are born with but I believe more that it is a virtue and the more we are able to grasp the true gift of patience - the more our patience will be rewarded. Or atleast the reward feels bigger.

Now the one thing that I have no patience with whatsoever is Halloween candy. 5 paragraphs later and I have eaten some Reese's pieces and a small pack of skittles! PLEASE COME TAKE THIS FROM ME RIGHT NOW! I can't wait for this I NEED SAVING NOW!