Just let me sleep!

This is the 5th night in a row that the little mango (though today "they" say he is the size of a large mango - 1 pound to be exact) inside won't stop dancing. During the day it comforts me to feel him jiggling. I know he is happy and nourished. It's at night when I just want to punch him! Don't call in help...I wouldn't really. More than his upper cuts and "roger-rabbit" moves are the hormones that have me stirring all night long. So tonight I didn't even attempt sleep. Amos is snoring in the corner and if I wanted to embarrass sweet sleeping Brad I'd tell you about his slight "hard breathing" habits he has picked up - but I won't embarrass him. But me - wide awake. Wondering about my brothers and what they are doing? Do they feel too young to be uncles? Does my sister know how much I love her? I didn't tell her today. Will Obama rid America of capitalism? Surely there are people that will stop this. Does Amos like the flavor of his overpriced organic food? Is it really organic? And finally - tonight I wonder if the myth about heartburn during pregnancy equalling a head of hair is true because if that is so we have a woolly mammoth on our hands!

Why in the world am I not sleeping these days? I go to bed not tired and on lucky nights I do eventually fall into weird dreams - never what feels like restful sleep - only to be awakened at 3:13am for a few hours of hair raising questions. What would it feel like to ride a rapid in a river with no raft? Seriously, that was last night's. I atleast wish I woke up with an insatiable craving because I'd be fine heading over to Publix for a fix. No cravings. No pickles and ice cream just non-stop questioning. Am I really going to be a mom? I don't even feel like a wife yet. I hate folding clothes. I don't feel like a hard worker or phenomenal employee. Today I worked four different jobs with four different incomes but I still had time for two walks with Amos and some downtime in between. I should write a book - I know......"How to make money and stay fit in a down economy." Boring. I certainly don't feel like a mother - not a bit, yet. Nor do I feel like I am able to really excel at anything right now....just average at a whole lot of things. It's hard feeling like a daughter when I am about to have a child of my own. So I feel like one confused and over-educated mall worker just looking to meet a new friend who might have a word or two of insight. I think I drive my co-workers nuts. I talk to everyone about everything every single opportunity and I always have to mention that there is a baby onboard. Maybe I am just trying it out.....like if I talk about it now it will seep into my psyche and one day I'll sleep and wake up and feel ready!

As I said.....I certainly don't feel like a mom. My mama would literally do anything for her children. Did this come natural to her? I would love to want to do anything for anybody but when it comes down to it ugly things like pride and such get in the way. Mama is a busy lady but whenever you call you'd think she was waiting for the ringer to go off and she just happened to know the right answer to any question. I mean who ever concluded that a Reece's peanut butter cup and a Coke cured every illness! I don't know those things. Brad asked me recently when a woman learns those "mom" type things when he overheard me asking mama how to bake chicken in the same coversation as how to un-stink the laundry that I stank up by forgetting about it for 3 days. I said - you just know. So, God tonight, please help me just to know that things will work out. Help me to trust that You will make me adequate and that you will expand my heart to love two men and an Amos. What if my heart won't go that big? Or is that just natural. And because this seems to lurk around every corner throughout my day - help me to know that You know and that is all that matters. You know whether there is a career you have for me that will allow me to be a mom, too. You know whether I am needed to just fully love and dote on an infant all day long. You know where we should live and if we should buy a house and how the market will do to maintain Brad's job. I am not one to worry but I sure am one to plan and in this season I do know that God is just not letting me plan. Hence the restless hours at night I am sure. Okay, go to bed. Trust God. Listen to the furry dog and the sweet husband snore and rest. This is a season of rest if I would just stop fighting it......

++++++++

All my favorite things are "mini!"

Last week mama and I ventured into a foreign land and I don't know that I care to ever go back. It was a huge place with options galore - too many options - and lots of funny looking women waddling around. Admittedly, we were very impatient with the robot like workers who tried to make our stay there as "easy" as possible - they claim. We were hungry and just wanted to see what this place had to offer.
Here is the one thing that saved this adventure to Babies-R-Us from being a total disaster. Mini Animal Crackers.

I am not kidding. These are little M&M sized Stauffers animal crackers. There is still a giraffe and a hippo and all the animals you are used to but these are itty-bitty. I mean itty-itty-bitty. Before we had made it to the third aisle with our registering gun I had eaten half of the bag and left quite a trail behind me. So the only purchase we walked out with that day was a bag of overpriced yet delectable mini animal crackers.

If you have known me for anytime you know I have a serious problem. Since high school I have had an obsession. No a fixation. Nope a disease....an addiction to Stauffers animal crackers. I used to be embarrassed about this habit. In Athens I would find my car driving me to Wal-Mart at odd hours for no reason yet I always came back with an extra bag just in case. Once I tried to add up the $1.99 a week for the last 10 years just to see how damaging my addiction was to my wallet but I decided if i didn't know - it wasn't true. Yes, I wanted to register for animal crackers on my wedding registry too. I didn't but I would highly consider it for the baby registry. I emailed the company today to see where else in the greater Atlanta area I could find these little bites of joy. I sure hope they respond soon! Keep your eyes open and let me know if you find them anywhere. You will make mommy and growing baby so happy.

Adventures with husband and mama

Here is my husband
Pushing a baby crib
Through the mall
That is my mama too.....
Watching it all.

You might think we are crazy
But we got a great deal
People looked at us funny
Like we were trying to steal.

But now our baby has a place to sleep
He'll like that it is green and white
And that he has an extra large sheep
To sleep with at night.

Recent happenings.....

Amos dressing like a frat boy.


Amos wishing he could be pushed around the neighborhood in the baby's cool new stroller.


The sheep. Soon to be baby's favorite thing - or else Amos' large chew toy.


Mr. Husband and I at the Circus for my birthday (thanks Mama and Dad!)


Our get-away to Cashiers, NC for a perfect New Years!


And.....some of my favorite girls and I out on the 28th anniversary of my birth. I love fried Green Beans and girls night out!

I know you are tired of this....

But you still have 18 more weeks so just give me a little slack. The little man is what they call a "spaghetti squash!" Who in the world gets an accurate picture in their head when you compare my baby to a spaghetti squash! I cooked spaghetti and squash tonight but I never knew the words went together. Anywho....here is a little more and a good post with some juicy updates soon (hopefully something juicy will happen til then otherwise I'll be making it up!) Enjoy.

Hello, Betsy!
At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment. If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

It's a big day!

Mama and I are going to register for all things baby today! Woo hoo! I am planning to wear comfy shoes and bring a six pack for the festivities because after just stepping foot into a baby section yesterday in Target I felt overwhelming feelings take over my body. This is a day for history!

And, oh yes, I forgot there is also an inauguration going on.

_ _ _ _ _

But on other important notes......thank you for the sweet birthday messages, calls, texts and cards! I love birthdays and I love celebrating even the not-so-big birthdays and the not-so-big things in life. My family took me to the circus this weekend. Cirque du Solei to be exact. We had such a good time! Brad came home asking if I, too, could contort my body in figure *'s on the floor or if my head could touch my toes by bending over backwards? I am a pretty rare lady I tell him but he should never expect my body to do 1/10th of the stunts we saw. I think he was a little disappointed. Anyway, the whole weekend was just perfect and I am so grateful for a fun birthday weekend!

_ _ _ _ _

And even more importantly, we took our first step towards parenthood this weekend. We bought a stroller but not just any stroller. We bought the stroller of all strollers and a few unneccessary add-ons just to make sure we went overboard. I will post pictures soon of our favorite purchase. It went like this.....I have researched stroller reviews and opinions for the last month. Moreso, I did some looking on Craigslist and Ebay to find the best deal. I take Brad on Saturday to see the strollers. He sees all 40 of them. Touches one that I point at and says, "let's do it." What?????? Months of researching and that is all it takes for him? Needless to say, we come home with a fun new stroller courtesy of his South Georgia grandparents. Brad put the stroller in every position. He took off all the straps and locks and tags. He moved the seat to every position. He placed Amos in the basket and even looked for a child lying around to take on a walk. Had we enough time I am positive he would have strolled the neighborhood - baby or no baby. I am so happy for our first purchase! It will be hard to look at it over the next 4 months as it sits in the living room waiting for baby to come. If anyone has a child to borrow for a day we would be thrilled to stroll him/her in our new stroller! Take us up on it.

Okay, off to start this BIG day! Babies-R-Us = INSANITY!!!

Pass the carrots please!

He's a whopping carrot this week and everything in me knows it! I have felt his stem up in my side and the end of the carrot in my legs (not truly but almost). For some reason this was the week he decided he should start dancin and I don't think he'll stop til the fat lady goes to the hospital - or sings.

Read on if you care to: (These emails just amaze me if you can't tell)
Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like he's practicing martial arts as his initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to his activity as you get to know him better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now.

Yesterday three and half generations of women in my family headed out to discover Atlanta's best in baby products. Holy Beep Beep Beep is what I can say. Holy smoke that is.....if I ever thought registering for a wedding was overwhelming I didn't know there were 7 kinds of bottles and 14 kinds of pacifiers and now everything comes customizable and organic! Just the stroller inquiry alone was an hour conversation and we needed a food break in the middle just to take it all in. It's not like your mama's stroller anymore. It's more like buying your baby a car. Does he want a leather handle bar? Would he sleep better in a velvet or cotton seat cushion? Do you think he'll get too tired of a green stroller? And what about the wheels? 10 inch or 12 inch? And you may want to look at the design of the wheel if you want his hot rod stroller to be the coolest thing in the park! Here is what I learned: I don't care. But I hear that I will so because of that I think Brad and I decided over our date last night to go with the (drum roll).....Teutonia. The Teutonia t-200 to be exact with an undetermined color. I think green - universal - pleasing - and not blue. Brad says red! He's always thinking football! For you mama's that know the process that goes into this we are deciding between the Bugaboo Frog....I just love anything named a Frog or a Bob or a Bee - how cute - and then there is this stroller....the German engineered, city sleek stroller. Opinions welcome.

So that was enough of a decision and as I said it wasn't even made until the real jury decided lastnight...that being Brad. I sat in bed last night on the eve of the scariest birthday I will have and long past my bedtime hour with my eyes wide open just running stroller names and bedding brands and crib options through my head. What if the kiddie-poo doesn't like my choices? Ideally, I'd think I would want to get things that I can potentially use again in case our family of 2.5 grows to 4 or 5 as I had always wished as a little girl. Let's talk about that for one sentence. I don't know anymore. Pregnancy has been harder on me than I ever thought. Maybe it is the timing but ultimately it is God's timing and I believe that - thorouglly. Maybe - ouccch....this is it - the loss of CONTROL. I had to write that in caps so it hurt. My body isn't my own right now and even my thoughts and my emotions don't seem to be mine and soon enough my time will no longer be mine either. Though that sounds really selfish - it is the truth and I think if many women were honest they would agree. But - I am so happy for this surrendering of my control. I know God is working in me to expand my heart to love another man (ha! A little one of course) and He is breaking down many of my fears of not being in control of anything from my own body shape to the type of work I can do to when I can sleep and when I can't. God, my prayer this whole time has been that You would be glorified through this pregnancy. I've asked You to humble me (and that He has....has anyone ever worked retail after having a career in corporate America?? HUMBLING.) More so, I have prayed that God bring me closer to Him, to Brad, and to my family through this change in our lives. This change certainly calls for vulnerability in my relationships and maybe that is what makes me squirm most. But I know that God sees my squirming as a good and necessary thing.

So, on the actual 28th celebration of my birth I will try to surrender my control and just let God. My mama always told me to "let go and let God." It may not be the most profound of phrases but it sure is soothing right now. If only I could "let go and let God pick out bedding and car seats" I'd really be able to relax on this birthday! Off to treat myself to a Starbucks and enjoy the day!

What's his name?

I am keeping count of every time I hear this question throughout the day. I don't think an hour goes by without getting asked this most important of questions. I don't mind it at all. I understand the curiosity. I mean, as parents-to-be you have the opportunity to pick the word that the person will go by for the rest of his life. He could make that name great and known. He could be the funny guy with a funny name who makes everyone laugh. Of course, he could also do quite the opposite with the name we choose for him and have it be known for things not so remarkable. With all of this weight on this decision I just don't know how people come to a conclusion.

And you see....we are in quite a small predicament. We are overloaded with B's as it is but many of our favorite names are "B" Names. I know this doesn't matter except on a Christmas card and I know many people choose to give everyone in their family the same initials. Cute. That's not for us though. Well, not for us by design but we just may have to use one of our favorite "B" names and resign to signing our Christmas card..."With love from the Bagwells" with no mention of our tongue twisting family.

To be quite honest though - Brad and I have honestly spent no time at all talking about a name for the little man that greets us in the Spring. What is wrong with us? Can we just not plan anything? As if actually "planning" something would be blasphemy! I know what will happen - about a month before the stork makes his trip Brad and I will haphazardly pick the best name at the moment and be done with the whole naming thing. I hope not though. I hope we surprise ourselves and surprise you and actually thoughtfully decide on little Bagwell's name. Admittedly, things have been hectic at work for the husband and I am working many weird hours right now so it seems we have had little time to even say the normal husband/wife banter in the mornings and late nights. Still, I hope we can set aside some time, drop some names in a hat, flip a coin and make some decisions!

Here is the list of last years most popular names (and a few listed below). You know how we work though......we can't even look at this list because we wouldn't possibly want to pick a name that everyone else picked last year! What do you think about these names? I love how some of your classic names like Elizabeth and Matthew always make the list. (Good job mama!)

Girls Names Boys Names
1 Emma Aiden
2 Sophia Jayden
3 Madison Ethan
4 Isabella Jacob
5 Olivia Caden
6 Ava Jackson
7 Madeline Noah
8 Addison Jack
9 Hailey Logan
10 Lily Matthew
11 Kaitlyn Nicholas
12 Chloe Ryan
13 Abigail Brayden
14 Emily Michael
15 Riley Gavin
16 Mia Dylan
17 Ella Lucas
18 Hannah Caleb
19 Kaylee Andrew
20 Sarah Connor

Peel that banana and....ummmm..take a bite!

Mama used to say her old cheers from high school to me when we were in the house together during my younger years. I am not sure if this one was a cheer or just something quacky she made up - she is known to do that - but I like it and as soon as I read today's baby update I started singing it....Peel that banana and ummmmm - take a bite!

Anyway, yesterday marked the halfway mark for this thing called pregnancy. I have mixed emotions. If the next half goes as quickly as the first half than I'll become a professional pregnant lady. Of course, we didn't know until about 6 weeks so that makes the first half shorter. But I was so stinkin sick for 15 weeks and I expect that I wont feel too much of that for atleast the next two months. On the other hand, the second half seems like the part in the movie where I actually realize that life as I know it will be different. There will be no denying an obtrusive stomach and a waddle-walk wherever I go. More so, no denying the fact that in about 4 months a new person will be living in our house, stealing my sleep, and taking over in every other area! I have several items that have been gifted to us over Christmas for the baby. They are laid out on the guest bed as if we are awaiting his approval. Would you rather wear a cotton onsie or a little sailor suit, sir? I walk in there everyday and look at them and feel them hoping that something will hit me and cause me to know the magnitude of the little boy that will fill those clothes. Though the reality is a little closer because he is a "he" and no longer an "it" - I am still partly numb. I just don't know how this is going to work. And before I care to venture down the road of "what if's?" and "what about's?" I just say to myself "I trust You." Meaning, I trust God. I don't know how any of this works. I don't know anything about God's timing for this surprise. I feel like I am not even close to understanding marriage and now we are adding another person to the equation. I can barely discipline my cute fluffy dog! How can I know the least about growing a person?

But this I know....God knew I had to give up control. Gulp.
He knew I couldn't flourish anymore if I continued to be in control. I look back at the events of this past year.....newlyweds.....4 jobs! Count them....one, two, three.....ughhhh, I just can't believe it! And then the surprising news of a child! It's like God knew He had to slowly but surely take the reigns and leave me feeling helpless and at times alone. Ultimately though I know and trust that this is best for me. It pains me to not have planned all these big events but in the long run I know it is best for me and I know God will be glorified through this wild adventure. I am reading a new book by John Eldredge called Walking with God. Really, I am reading 5 books right now but this one has most of my attention. I used to understand what that meant to "walk with God daily." In the last few years though I seemed to have forgotten what that really feels like until lately. Until the control was stripped from my hands. In the prelude he says, "And there is no way you can flourish while still being in control." Ouch. But the paragraph ends assuring me that God wants transformation in me. And in this season I want transformation, too. I need it. I can not continue down a road of mediocracy and numbness. I am so thankful that just as my belly is changing and growing and just as our baby boy is growing and being nourished - God, too, is growing me and transforming me. I am excited for this season of change whether I have anything to do with it or not! Bring it on! The belly and all....bring it on!

So, here is what they say about our little banana. This is not for the weak of stomach so come back later if that is you. Grow banana grow!
Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (The way your baby is measured changes now.) He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper.
Wonderful. I can't wait for that meconium diaper!

Can I get paid for this?

It is nearly 4pm and I am still in my pajamas. Well, sort of. I had to lose half of them when I accidentally turned the shower on while I was in it cleaning the tiles and of course half of me came out soaking wet. I haven't even opened the blinds today to see if the weather man was correct in his prediction about rain rain and more rain!

Ever since I had a spur of the moment whim to scrub and clear out the inside of the refrigerator on Sunday I have been itching to turn over every rock and climb every mountain to obtain a CLEAN home! I had today off from my difficult retail job and thought I would spend an hour or two straightening and disinfecting here and there. But you see, I am an extremist. You know this. I can't just clean one room or just run the vacuum - i have to spend 2.5 hours scrubbing every 1 inch wide square tile in the showers! My right shoulder muscle is bulging right now and won't stop throbbing but the shower could be used for a picnic it is so clean. What is it about cleaning for me? My mom has this obsessive trait too and though I don't think it is detrimental to any ones well being I do think there is a problem with my extreme behavior. If I would just rinse the shower weekly I wouldn't have to work so hard for a few clean tiles. If I would listen to Brad and just throw things out that haven't been touched in 6 months then I wouldn't go nuts with piles of clutter! Needless to say - I love a day of cleaning. I also did some cooking. I made some turkey chili for Brad and I to eat on throughout the week. It is sooooo yummy but more so, soooooo healthy! Good fiber! I also made a chicken dish for dinner tonight. Confession: I haven't cooked since I found out I was pregnant. The thought of preparing food made my stomach turn and my throat swell. I am better now though....baby is growing (soon to be a small cantaloupe according to the book) and my hormones must have stabilized a little since I am not so nauseous all day long. I am excited about our first dinner at home together in a full trimester!

And...while I am telling you what we are up to - we are going to see Slumdog Millionaire tonight. I have been wanting to see this movie for some time but it is only playing at select theaters. The rest of the week I will be working in retail heaven until 8:30 or 9 each night so tonight is our "date night." It's pretty bad when you have to schedule them in order to spend any quality time with the person that is going to be your partner in parenting! Oh well, we'll take what we can get even if it is a home cooked meal and rare movie once a month.

Some other things I should tell you about soon:
-I will be 28 next week. TWENTY EIGHT! That gives me the shivers. I used to only imagine what I'd be doing at 25 and 26 because after that I'd just be too old to care. We'll talk about this more later. TWENTY EIGHT!!!
-We are starting to look for a baby crib and furniture. This makes this "news" all to real.....should we go white or espresso? Get this, the guy at this furniture store in Albany was trying to sell us a bed that he says the kid can end up taking to college with him! What happened to your traditional baby crib? And who ever knew baby bedding would cost more than the bedding on our new king sized bed? Yikes!
-I just ate a whole bag of popcorn by myself. Gross. I guess baby wanted some fiber????
-I am buying a new cell phone from a guy on Craigslist. I pick it up at 5pm. I am giddy about a phone that actually rings and makes sound but a little worried. What if this guy stuffs me in the back of his car and takes off? No one wants a pregnant lady right? (Really, no worries - we are meeting in a public place) but seriously, should I worry about buying something off Craigslist? Have you ever done this? Call me later tonight to test out my new purchase and make sure I wasn't scammed.

Okay, off to finish folding clothes. Can I get paid for this?