Starting to see the forest through the trees

This morning in my mom bible study (that I am absolutely obsessed with) a lady spoke about her family which included her 7 children. Count them- SEVEN. And there are not seven kids because she couldn't afford birth control or because she was trying to pull some publicity stunt. She talked about how she was drowning when she had her second but how over that time she and her husband began to formulate their family "plan" and through scripture they knew that plan would include many kids. Not only does she have 7 children - she has 7 babies in heaven who never made it through a full term pregnancy. So that would make 14 pregnancies total. I was floored.
Here I am barely staying afloat with our two little ones. I mean, they are fed, and sometimes they are clean though every 3rd day I find a rare animal or toy underneath William's 3rd chin (so obviously I am feeding him well). For the most part they are healthy (I swear by breast feeding babies for as long as I can (*note* - this is just a reminder to myself for those days when I get weary and I am ready to have my body fully back to myself!)) and generally pretty happy (sans the last month of the teething monster). But - thriving??? I wouldn't necessarily say any of us are thriving, rather surviving. So just like any stage of life that we enter - it seems to be all that we will ever know. I remember laying awake many nights at the Terrace, the best home to 4 single girls in Atlanta, wondering if anyone would ever see the spark in me that I was quite sure I had....and that's not arrogant at all - I just wondered if another person would ever see the me that God created. I had gone out with several boys that liked pieces of me or liked my energy but they never seemed to "get" me. Enter Brad - stage Left. And, thank goodness, I didn't resolve to think that my stage of singleness was all I would ever know.
A
nd then I can easily recall the "ugly year" as I remember it - working five different jobs in one year all in hopes to find my golden ticket. Oddly enough, this year ended in me being pregnant for the first time so I guess somehow it lead me to my now "career." But still, that year I would drive home as the sun was going down from my seemingly perfect job down town just wondering when I would ever be in a place in my career where I felt like my gifts were truly used. So, now after 12 weeks I am starting to see the bigger picture. As I listened to this woman speak of her 7 children this morning I was truly humbled at my own view of my circumstances right now. My view is just that - a view all about me. When will I ever have a day to myself? When will I ever feel like I can actually teach my kids something rather than just change their diapers and make sure they are fed? When can Brad and I ever have time to dream about some of the things we want for our family? When do I get my energy back? (Does it ever come back?) Basically.....when will God show up and make this whole phase a little lighter....a little less to carry?

I am so thankful for my Tuesday morning bible study. I am so grateful to get to hear stories of women 3-20 years ahead of where we are in the game called Life. I am encouraged each week by their tenacity in parenting. These women take their role of being a mom and wife very seriously and they consider it the most noble thing to raise children. I certainly don't feel like there is anything noble about my days but I am given a glimpse of the forest each Tuesday....

Soon Brooks will not even need me to place the right shoe under the right foot and he'll be able to finish the songs we sing him at bed time before we get to the end. He won't need me to lift him out of the crib each morning and he certainly won't need me to use the bathroom. ANd while all of that sounds really freeing - I do understand that my light and momentary troubles right now are building on something far greater. It's just nice to have some other families ahead of me to see that it is all worth while.

On a similar but different note - we are going on 77 minutes of a quiet house. Oh, I am soooo favored today. And what have I done with my quiet time? Started to fold the 3 baskets of laundry? Cleaned the mashed banana off the floor? Sorted through the drawers and drawers of mail since June? NO, No, and NO! I have sat staring out the window, once again stifled by the silence. One day I'll learn how to actually get myself to work when the house is quiet. Yes, so much to do but the quiet is so rare........and so much more refreshing if I choose to do nothing!

And on another note - here are some pictures of the two boys. The objects in the pictures appear more innocent than they actually are on most occasions. Ha!
Brooks' First haircut. Surprisingly, he loved it! I am still a little weepy when I see that his baby-rat tail is gone. He's all grown up now!
William at 12 weeks. Whoa! Where did 12 weeks go?
Brotherly love.