Still standing

Yes, can you believe it? We are finally checking in with our step-child, the blog. We left off with a big birthday for two special boys in my life and here we are almost closer to yet another birth month for our little-fat man. You know how it feels....on one hand it seems like time is standing still and the days just scoot along at a snails pace but in the next moment I feel like the weeks are soaring past me whether or not I like them moving that fast. So rather than trying to be up-to-date on here I will just try to shed light on what is most relevant.

*The boys are delightful {sans Brooks taking William's wrist on occasion and turning it until an adult screams MERCY!} Seriously, the boys are so entertaining and I know without a doubt that the boys are the perfect age to distract me from the other stuff that seems to be plaguing my mind. Thank you, God, for your timing. It is so crucial in these last few fragile weeks.

*Resting is an art, not just a habit. I feel like I have been asked nicely by authorities in my life {doctors, mamas, and Mr. Husband} to rest. They have afforded me time away from the kids and the house ample times but no matter how hard they tried {before now} I just couldn't "let go" as I have called it. Well, all my stalling and resisting came to a head this past weekend when I was literally forced, doctors orders, to rest rest rest. So for the last few days that is truly all I have done. We have had dinners brought to our house nightly, help each day to take care of the little ones, and some how the house has remained intact so I have had nothing to do but to sit and finally "let go" or "let down" after 8 long months. I am not sure really what was holding on to me and I wasn't even sure anything had a grip on me - I thought it was just normal mom kind of feelings but yesterday as I allowed myself to sleep well past the lunch time hour I felt so much healing in just fully letting go....and letting others help. Thank you, God, for real rest.

*I can only take care of today. I have been so vague on here about what we may be going through so many of you have probably concluded that I either have the dreaded "C" word or else I am talking to Snoopy all day long and have fallen off the deep end. Both are actually correct. I am sort of walking through my own cancer but being forced to only face the day and not the whole illness. I have spent too much time trying to label what we are going though. . . is it a crazy/unknown disease that has caused me to stay awake far too many nights than I can count? Is it a horrible anxiety that has just now surfaced? Or could it be just a bug hormonal mess caused from the roller coaster of babies and nursing? Really, it doesn't matter. What matters is that I look at each day one at a time and not try to look down the road at how we might face/treat whatever it actually is. I am so grateful that God has commanded me to not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. As I wrote in my journal last week - "Yesterday I needed a companion and I had one, today I needed a rock for a husband and he came home early to be with me and tomorrow I'll probably need my mom and I know she is here for me. So, thank you, again, Father, for giving me exactly what I have needed each day...nothing more and nothing less.

Brooks goes to a mothers morning out like program two days a week. His teacher, Mrs. Stacey, is one of my more favorite people on this planet - always hopeful and never swayed by a bad day or a rough morning. At the end of her emails or texts to me she always has a saying for each week. I tell her each week that her motto for the week always goes perfectly with my week. This week "still standing" is her theme song. After a long journey that looks to have no end in the near near future - I can say I am so thankful to still be standing. And believe it or not, I am standing a little taller just seeing what God has brought us through and what he has already done as a result of our perseverance.

Seriously, pictures to come. Y'all have got to see how edible these little boys are these days! Oh my gosh....there are now words....you'll just have to wait for some pictures.

Still standing...