I can do anything for 40 days

Right? Can't anyone do anything for 40 days? Isn't that how long lent is? Terrible if I am wrong but I think that is right. Needless, today I was surprised by the little words at the bottom of my calendar - ASH WEDNESDAY. I guess amid a spiraling economy and news that Hilary may be the face we have to look at for the next 4 years I had completely forgotten about the season upon us. Usually I feel like you hear some hype about Madi Gras and then are reminded about the day that most good Catholics or former Catholics remember every year probably with growing guilt or fear. I guess that explains why people were discussing the "king cake' they munched on during halftime.
Needless to say, I say "needless to say alot." But, needless, today is Ash Wednesday and by the time I realized it - I had already partaken in most of my worst daily habits.
Diet coke? Check. Actually at 9:18 this morning. I'm getting worse.
Chocolate? No way, not at 9:30am. Oh...but yes, on the way out the condo this morning I grabbed a handful of the M&M's by the door that I swear only Brad eats.
Chewing gum? Never, I'd chew my arm instead and that is gross.
Okay, coffee? Well, technically, no. No coffee. But plans to indulge this afternoon with a friend and surely for her sake I shouldnt refuse coffee?
One year I tried snacks but let's face it - I am an eternal snack machine. As I write this I am biting the little heads off the cute animal crackers that I brought to work "just in case."
So maybe I should deny myself music or tv or Wall Street Journal online every morning? I considered all of these things this morning. I really considered. But lets just be honest- I am in a funky time of life right now. Not that anything is really disturbing me but I am just having a real slow time adjusting to the tsunami of change that happened last year. So I dont think a doctor would say it would be wise to take away that which is most normal and customary to me. Hence, I am left giving up something that is maybe more intrinsic?.... Fear of dissappointing people? Guilt for not being able to be everything to everyone? Selfishness that causes my heart to harden at even the things that could usually bring me to my knees? I dont know the answer but I do know these are all 'things' that could much better inhibit my path to peace and to God then giving up my chocolate.
And here is my whole take on lent anyway...I grew up in the Catholic church and every year after usually a glutenous holiday season I always think it really brilliant to give up like 5 terrible habits. The funny thing is animal crackers have been on the list since highschool because they, oddly enough, are the habit that plagues me. Anyway, I had to give up 5 to make sure one stuck. Occassionally I did ask myself how my object of denial might bring me closer to experiencing God and peace. But then I never really felt right asking this. I wont lie - I wasnt a good Catholic scholar and, therefore, do not know the full history of lent aside from maybe the obvious that lent is to cause us to focus not on ourselves but on our Savior during the time which we remember His seath? Im not being disrespectful - I just dont really know.
So as it would go, these 40 days became another opportunity to prove my self-motivation since I never really understood the true meaning. I like to believe that if I had to stop eating chocoalte or die that I could, you know? THis is a topic of pure self control. Every year now even if I try to aknowledge that because I do not know the proper meaning of my self-denial of 'said thing' then I will not burden myself with the feeling that I should participate in lent. But every year without fail - about half way through the day on Ash Wednesday I have created at least a shot at a list of things that maybe just maybe I could do without. Denying anytype of food seems that this is more of a punishment on friends and dinner parties than anyone else. Last year my dearest friends Ashley and Fran (the Bohemians) came into town to visit. Appropriatly this was during the lenten season. Both sweethearts chose to give up coffee. Very sweet of them. So all during their visit I sip on deliscious gourmet coffees at the most perfect of coffee-times....during a thunderstorm, early on a Saturday morning with a side of heartfelt conversation. All the while neither of my thougtful, God-seeking friends joined me. And of course I wasnt respectful enough to just not drink coffee myself. So, point taken. Food isnt the best choice.

So as mama usually does I am going to add something to my life on a daily basis, thus taking away the excuses that I give myself everyday to not give myself a particular something. Here are the two things. Folic Acid. Enough said.
And, B)compliments. I will compliment myself on the good things I am doing daily rather than beat myself up over the things that didnt get done and the friends I didnt get to call. I am enough because God gives me enough each day for what I need. And I need to know that and tell myself that more often. In fact, daily for at least 40 days and hopefully it will catch.

What do you need to add to your day? They (whoever "they" is) say 21 days of anything becomes a habit. Now for some chocolate.

Previous posts on previous lent's -http://betsynicholson.blogspot.com/search?q=lent
I'm glad to know at least that my thoughts are consistent through the years!