Does this make you feel better?

Three days in a row now I have stooped to all time lows in the department of health and self control. In an effort to possibly break my streak I thought I'd go public with my little indulgences. Mind you, as I confess, I am sampling my latest craving - fresh out of the oven. Now onto the cleansing....

If you happen to see my very seldom and random posts on facebook yesterday I actually posted a picture of the inherently Innocent salad that started me on my plight of self destruction this week. In an effort to cut back on my daily lunch adventures outside of the home and feel more domestic and resourceful I bought all of the ingredients I would request at a "build your own salad" bar this week. After the top dollar turkey was purchased along with the avocados that aren't in season, the ingredients to toast the almonds along with the other fresh vegetables and the right mixtures of three different salad dressings to get the perfect taste - I am not sure sure that my efforts are considered frugal, though maybe resourceful. So 4 days this week I actually made myself a mountain of a salad chocked full of protein, beautiful vegetables, and just enough crunch to not feel like I am denying myself. This was 4 days in a row, yall....unheard of! It is no secret to anyone I know or our bank account that a lunch out at a favorite lunch spot, and I have many, is very near to my heart and my sanity. Since what makes mama happy tends to make everyone else happy, the money-maker of the house has never once mentioned my daily little ventures all over the perimeter for just the right lunch. Hence, this was a big feat!

Each of these lunches took place after I had pulled myself together from a slow morning, dressed the boys in something maybe only half way dirty, and managed to pull together something that would fit over my belly without syrup stains in order to make it to the gym. So by 2pm if you just saw the boot camp type exercise from the woman carrying the 20+ pounds and then the super-healthy-and-even-organic lunch you would be quite envious of my will power and sheer determination. Heck, until about 2pm everyday this week I felt like the Kate Middleton of healthy-pregnant women. And. then. it. all. goes. down. the. toilet......fast.

Wednesday while sipping down my daily half sweet/half unsweet large tea with a lemon from McDonalds (which is another daily habit my dear roommate has yet to really pinpoint) I proceeded to make a graham cracker crust pie shell. FOR NO REASON. I had nothing to put in the pie shell but with the ingredients on hand this is all I had to satisfy the small sweet tooth that the hulk of all salads had left plaguing with me each passing quiet minute of nap time. As I said, it is all the salads' fault. I browned the crust to perfection and then preceded to eat around the edges until I felt sick. Then I threw it away. I felt guilty for a few minutes and then remembered what my day felt like before 2 and instead of feeling bad I felt "even" which isn't really good or bad, just even.

Thursday comes around. That day I did boot camp which I still feel the effects from as I type (and eat my most recent little sin) and then I came home to yet another heaping salad of color and goodness. And like clock work, the boys go down, I start feeling all accomplished and proud and I open the cabinet to see what little morsel of chocolate I could find. Since there was none to be found I peeked through the freezer to find the moose tracks yogurt from Publix I had bought a few weeks ago. There was half a carton left. I didn't want the ice cream - just like one small moose track would do the trick. Or. So. I. Thought. Needless to say.....that clocked in day two of absolute pregnant debauchery.

Yesterday, I thought I'd learned my lesson because Thursday afternoon I was so sick and a little disturbed by my recent habits and I knew there wasn't a thing left in the cupboard to whip together anything satisfying. Oh, but there was. And it was a winner. My mawmaw's fluffy white frosting. There is no woman I know that can make a cake, or 6, like she did. As I've written before (and here), she would go dancing Friday night. Stay out late and then come home and start on her cake making marathon. My mom had recently given me her old candy thermometer which I have never owned so in honor of my grandmother I put her tool to test and made some fluffy white icing. Yes, enough to ice a cake, again for no real reason. But this time since there was such nostalgia behind the recipe and the candy thermometer I didn't feel one ounce of bad for scraping half of the bowl clean. I simply used animal crackers as the vehicle to get the fluffy stuff to my mouth. This was absolute heaven....for an hour until again, I started to feel a little queasy and started begging the good effects of the avocado and tomato, you know....the super foods, to kick in and take over the terrible effects of the cup of sugar and raw egg white that pretty much made up the frosting. The fact that I had to beat the stuff with my already sore arms from the kickboxing class I had taken earlier made me feel all the more justified in my little concoction but still slightly remorseful.

The worse part is that I haven't shared one of my creations this week with anyone. I take that back, yesterday I let little Willy lick the beater as I was trying to clean (or conceal) my mess jus so he would be quiet and not wake his brother - or share my secrets. He walked around with a white mustache the rest of the day and felt like he had been let in on mommy's little nap time fantasies.

But today I have sort of turned the corner. Yes, I made it to the gym thanks to my sweet husband that somehow thinks I deserve a little break on Saturdays (after my strenuous week of baking and the sacrifices I made by "eating in") and then I came home to the last of my new favorite salad. Boy did I feel good! My muscles all still throb in places I didn't know held muscles and I can barely bend to sit down so I know it has been a good week of workouts for this pregnant lady. More so, I had finished my bag of spinach, 2 avocados, a carton of blueberry's, two tomatoes, and endless carrots and I figure that that combo is the most "good" that has gone in this body this whole pregnancy. But because it is Saturday, and it is raining, and the boys are asleep, and the house is clean, and I want to be a good wife that bakes cookies selflessly (questionable), and it's January which is the worst month, and I live in Atlanta, and because because because because because....because of the wonderful things she does.... I stirred up the last 5 ingredients in the pantry and out popped some of the most amazingly, simple peanut butter cookies. Hot and fresh. . . yes, ma'am! Be gone guilt!

I won't throw the other dozen away this time. That's where I have turned the corner. I vow to share with the growing boys of the house. Therefore, I don't feel as guilty and sneaky as I did the days prior. Please, though, can somebody help me get a hold of myself? I have no clue whether or not this will be my last pregnancy but I tell myself that it might and so therefore it might be my last season -ever- to feel "even" or only slight guilty after making a whole bowl of fluffy white icing in the middle of the day and eating almost all of it in one sitting! This excuse has allowed me a little too much leeway though and I really need to tone it down. Luckily I don't think there is anything I can make out of jelly, flour, worstesire sauce, and a box of macaroni. Thank goodness! Hoping for a little progress next week?!?!?

Here's the simple recipe if you ever need that quick and easy sweet tooth filled:
1 cup super chunky peanut butter
1 cup (packed) golden brown sugar
1 large egg
1 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup miniature semisweet chocolate chips (about 6 ounces)
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preparation
Preheat oven to 350°F. Mix first 5 ingredients in medium bowl. Mix in chocolate chips. Using moistened hands, form generous 1 tablespoon dough for each cookie into ball. Arrange on 2 ungreased baking sheets, spacing 2 inches apart.
Bake cookies until puffed, golden on bottom and still soft to touch in center, about 12 minutes. Cool on sheets 5 minutes. Transfer to racks; cool completely.

And to think....I didn't even add the chocolate chips and I halfed the recipe. Talk about will power.