Another update on precious Megan

I just think by now if you read the first post that i copied by Megan's mother that you surely would want to know more. Megan's mom updated today and I tell you.....her words truly speak to me. It seems like lately with everything circumstantially seeming to be perfect in my life that I should have no room in my heart to feel stagnant or idle but I do. But then I fear that even admitting that things seem to be stale right now might trigger some strike of negative fate. And then I start to worry and try to accept the idleness. The bottom line is that idleness is okay. Rest is good. God instructs us to lie down in green pastures. Rest He tells us. Rejoice He also tells us. So idleness is okay but I think that rejoicing even in the idleness is the perfect combo and certainly the most glorifying to God. And as you would probably agree that that is the hard part. But reading Megan's mom's words remind me every week that yes, they are idle, they are literally waiting and watching their daughter slip right before them but each week their hearts seem to get bigger and more exposed to the genuine character of Christ. I am so encouraged and hope you are too. Please keep this family in your prayers. I dont think we will even know the impact of both Megan and her family's constant faith even in our life time. I am touched even being a very distant outsider. Rejoice today!

31 March 04, 2008 at 12:37 PM EST
For those of you who do not live in Atlanta, Sunday was a day that would make you move here. Blue skies, daffodils and Lenten Roses blooming, give the definite promise of an early Spring. We opened the upstairs windows and enjoyed fresh air and our cardinals calling whata-cheer-cheer-cheer! Megan has slept quite a bit today, but woke her self up enough to eat a good lunch and then down an entire milkshake brought by a friend. Even though she is weak and very thin, her appetite remains fairly good. I bought a new food processor so that she can have whatever we eat, just a little chopped up. So what if the Chicken Divan looks like guacamole? She has been having more teary moments that are difficult for all of us. So many ask “What do you think makes her cry?” We do not know. The goal every day is to help her to rest and be as comfortable as we can make her. She is an easy patient and we love every minute, month, and now a year that we still have our angel with us.

Last week, I referenced a passage in John 19:34 which spoke of Jesus dying on the cross, giving his life in order for us to have eternal life. It is the middle of Lent, the journey that takes us to the cross with Jesus and beyond to Easter Sunday. I am so thankful that we might celebrate Resurrection Sunday with Megan. Our God lives!

This week, I moved on to chapter 21, where He appeared to his disciples on the beach after his resurrection. After grilling them some fish, Jesus turns to more serious discussion and pointedly asks Peter three times if he loves him. Peter is at first a little put out that Jesus would keep asking him, but the third time says, “Lord you know everything, you know I love you.” And then Jesus tells him to pour himself out to others -to feed his sheep.

I like to read the simple but profound writings of the little French monk that peeled potatoes for the monastery back in the 1600’s. In his small book Practicing the Presence of God, Brother Lawrence says “the heart must be empty of all things, because God will possess the heart alone, and as he cannot possess it alone without emptying it of all besides, so neither can he act there, and do in it what pleases, unless it be left vacant to him. To live in the presence of God, he says, is to live with purity of heart, with simplemindedness, and with total acceptance of his will. That demands a decision and great courage.”

I am trying to muster this kind of courage in giving the Megan that still fills my heart completely to God, allowing Him to fill my heart, trusting that He will fill the loss of a daughter and friend that is leaving this earthly life and coming to Him. Total acceptance of God’s will is hard. Simplemindedness is hard. Purity of heart is hard. We think we can do it until we are asked to do something that makes our hearts turn and run. But gradually giving God more and more space seems to take the pain away somewhat, replacing it with some new kind of possession and as Nouwen says “guides our hearts and lives in a direction different from our desires”.

I am finding that I have to be quieter, more removed, more in solitude. Dr. Feelgood calls it “going underground”. Whatever we call it, we are not idle, but busy seeking God’s gracious face, sitting before him, handing him Megan over and over again, loving each other a little more, reaching out to others who are hurting in their own journey of suffering. Jesus, our Shepherd, said very simply to feed His sheep and like Peter, I have to be asked over and over if I love Him. He does know everything.

Jesus said that the first commandment is to “Love the Lord your God with all you heart and soul and mind and strength.” (Mark 12:29) I suppose when those four come together we will have peace – God’s way.