My heart is so heavy

I would love to chat with you today.. . . Sip on cappuccino's with lots of soothing foam and just watch the sudden cold outside. . . Take a load off Benny (are those the words to the song?). . . . Feel a little lighter. . . but some things are just way too important to pass by. This is one of them. My friend, Megan's mom has updated again and on her daughter Megan. My heart is full because of the comfort I feel as she relates to our God, the very one who created the beautiful grass and purple flowers outside of my window and He created me. And I am thankful and in awe. Please continue to prayer for Megan and her family.

35 March 31, 2008 at 03:57 PM EDT
It has been an up-and-down week. After I posted the Easter update, Megan took a downward spiral. She couldn’t eat and slept for longer stretches. We know what to expect, so we were gearing ourselves up – if one can do that – for this last leg of the journey. But leave it to Megan to rally. She got two calls from sorority sisters who wanted to visit on Wednesday. After an afternoon of visiting and listening to one beautifully offer a harp concert in the bedroom, Megan is back today laughing some (mostly in the middle of the night) , eating, and looking well.

Our emotions are like an up-and-down bike path, holding our breath, not sure of what to expect, wondering what the next curve will bring. We accept more and more the reality of her impending death. We are held by your love,carrying us a little further down this road. The days fly. Nights bring rest. I walk outside and the beauty of creation takes my breath away. The God who opens the apple blossoms outside our door is the one who is holding our hands. The God who brings a cardinal to me every day is the one who whispers, “I am with you. All is well. Stick with me”.

I have no words – possibly fearful of not being able to go the distance – stay the course – Sometimes my fingers have a mind of their own and type what my heart and mind can’t fully process. But I did run across this description of being on a bicycle with God. The story was given to me, and I am giving it to you.

“At first, I saw God as my observer, my judge, keeping track of the things I did wrong, so as to know whether I merited heaven or hell when I die.

He was out there sort of like a president. I recognized his picture when I saw it, but I really didn’t know Him. But later on when I met Christ, it seemed as though life were rather like a bike ride, but it was a tandem bike, and I noticed that Christ was in the back helping me to pedal.

I don’t know just when it was that He suggested we change places, but life has not been the same since.
When I had control, I knew the way.
It was rather boring, but predictable…
It was the shortest distance between two points.
But when He took the lead, He knew delightful long cuts, up mountains, through rocky places at breakneck speeds, it was all I could do to hang on!
Even though it looked like madness, He said,
“Pedal!”
I worried and was anxious and asked,
“Where are you taking me?” He laughed and didn’t answer, and I started to learn to trust, I forgot my boring life and entered into the adventure.
And when I’d say, “I’m scared,” He’d lean back and touch my hand. He took me to people with gifts that I needed, gifts of healing, acceptance and joy. They gave me gifts to take on my journey, my Lord’s and mine. And then we were off again. He said, “Give the gifts away; they’re extra baggage, too much weight.”
So I did, to the people we met, and I found that in giving I received, and still our burden was light. I did not trust Him at first, in control of my life. I thought He’d wreck it; but He knows biking secrets, knows how to make it bend to take sharp corners, knows how to jump to clear high rocks, knows how to fly to shorten scary passages.

And I am learning to shut up and pedal in the strangest places, and I’m beginning to enjoy the view and the cool breeze on my face with my constant companion, Jesus. And when I’m sure that I cannot do it anymore, He just smiles says "Pedal." (author unknown)

"Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God. How unsearchable His judgements, and His paths beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? And who has been His counselor? Who has ever given to God that God should repay Him? For from Him and through Him and to Him are all things. To Him be the glory forever! Amen." Romans 11:33-36