Lessons learned this week

I have been fooling myself for nearly 6 years now. Had I to write a bio of myself for a feature on women in the South I would have told you that I "crave adventure and love meeting new people." At one time I really did. Over the last several years though I had become complacent. I had become a vibrant little flower in my very predictable garden. Uproot me even for a move within the same state and, really, I crumble to pieces and cling to everything familiar. Luckily, Brad married me because he saw that spark of adventure and zeal in me that had started to wain and here we are in Savannah, uprooted. A sweet mentor of mine told me several weeks ago before "D-Day" that I would bloom where I was planted. Among the boxes and lack of directions and the fact that not one person here knows my name - I find this hard to believe but I do know that in God's timing I will bloom again wherever I am planted.

In my first 72 hours here I have learned some enlightening (and some startling) things about me.

First, it isn't about me. This move isn't just about me and my confusion in a new town. It is about our marriage and the foundation that will be built - I am confident of this. It is also about the random neighbor I will meet down the street and her battle with cancer. It is about my mom and her heart, too, and the life God has for her as a new grandmother. And it is about God's story for our lives, thankfully. I do have to say this to myself throughout the day to remind me that there are others involved here...not just me. There are no words for Brad's composure while handling me in this season of transition. He is patient and understanding. He is positive even when I am not and he constantly reminds me that we are a part of a bigger story. I am so grateful he puts up with me and reminds me of who I am in Christ, a new creation, with purpose beyond just myself. Lesson taken.

After things were somewhat in their respective places Sunday night Brad and I lay in bed and did what I think he hates most - began a deep conversation just as he is on the brink of sleep. As I lay there in my bed, with my favorite sheets looking at the mirror that I love that has always been in our room I commented that it's not about the things. The last 2 months I have gone from boutique to boutique in Atlanta looking for the perfect things to make my new house feel like a home. I even bought a self-titled sign that reads HOME in a bright-cheery yellow and at the time I could picture the perfect nook to place my new purchase with a purpose. We added 2 tables, a man-leather chair, a "Pelham blue" sofa and several end-tables to our belongings all in the name of comfort for our new house. But as I lay there Sunday night I felt the weight of my deception. It really isn't about the things. I know this deep down but that night I really felt it. All the perfect little things in their perfect places could not make this place instantly comfort me. I missed people and there is no couch or table that can replace that sense of comfort. I felt my lesson in my heart that night and I am more grateful today for the friends and family and roots that make up true "comfort."

Carrying on....There is tremendous value in being a wife and mother. Even though I have written on this over and over since the "'bug" joined our family - I am now forced to embrace this as my motto. Here I literally have nothing else to invest myself in yet but my family. There is not one person that is expecting me anywhere in the forseeable future in my new town. My days are only filled with Brooks, Amos, and Brad with two naps of quiet time in between. It is noble that I stop what I am doing when Brad walks in the door to greet him. It is honorable that Brooks and I lay on the floor and read books about trucks and boats even if he just sees the colors. I'm having to write this so I believe it because it sure is hard. It's okay that I spent the whole day just cleaning the silverware and dishes from the move. I am going to have to keep coming back to this lesson because this has been a constant struggle....finding value when there is no paycheck to affirm that value. There is a huge, toothless, baby smile though and that feels much more rewarding than any 1st of the month paycheck.

I am writing this one just so I remember it in the future for our next house. I like street lights! As the night nears here I get a little queezy in my stomach. I am not yet comfortable in the pitch dark. The lesson here is the grass isn't always greener. I used to complain to Brad (as if he could fix it) that the lights in Buckhead were always on...always shining in our room at night. Well, on our little Island called Hope there are no lights at night! I actually think I will get used to it but goodness, I hadn't realized how much I actually like those bright lights and the constant noise. It's almost fitting though that here there is literally nothing to distract us at night. I know this will lend way to lots of good conversation and many relaxing dinners on the dock.

Thank you, God, for continuing to mold me even daily. I feel Your presence here and I need Your presence here. I am starting to bloom ever so slowly.

Off to do my first driving in this new place....this will be interesting!