Tired that I never knew

For many of y'all that have known me any length of time you know that I love teaching the 6m aerobics class, I can't sleep later than 7am, I can't sleep if I'm not in my own bed, I like to have walked 5 miles when I'm on vacation while everyone else is fast asleep, I was the girl that woke up from the slumber party and stared at every picture on your wall and went through all of your yearbooks while you were snoring, I usually can dance on a table with zero alcoholic drinks preceding, and I can never, NEVER nap.

Nearly 6 weeks ago I stopped exercising. I leave my baby to fuss in his crib in the morning until atleast 7:45 unless Brad has already scooped him up because I just. Cant. Get. Out. Of. Bed......
I've taken naps in the parking lot of the grocery store and Nordstrom in my car, I am in bed at night by 9pm but usually only after I have fallen asleep on the couch an hour before, I haven't danced on a table, and like I mentioned I must, repeat - MUST, have a nap - daily.

You can thank those good ole pregnancy hormones.

{Wipe up the coffee you just spewed out on your lap}

Yes, here's your official announcement. Baby B -numero dos, due mid-August and I think if I had the energy I may smile or laugh about this news but honestly, I have never ever fathomed this level of exhaustion.

Most of you have already picked up on this little "situation" (as my friends on the Jersey Shore might say) through some of my posts. I tried my hardest to keep this secret tight for some time for several reasons but supposedly I said back in December that I "had been sick for a whole season." I remember specifically not using the word "nauseous" but some of you are so good and you knew right away.

Anyway, we are seriously a little too tired to know how to feel. As we tend to do things around here, this situation miracle was not part of the plan. {You know, the back of your mind plan that you never really write down and somehow it never works out anyway.} Thus, we were once again pleasantly surprised with what most people say is one of life's biggest stressers (this isn't discounting all of the wonderful things about having a baby but it is supposedly in the top 5 list of life's biggest changes.) And yes, we have heard this news twice in about a year now. Added to the changing of two jobs which happens to be another one of those "stressers" "they" say. Oh, and pile that on top of **two relocation's. Relocation being yet another one of life's big changes "they" say. Bottom line - WE ARE POOPED!

**My amazing husband was offered an amazing job in Atlanta on the spot! I am so proud of him and I just want to tell the world. We had hoped to move back sometime early fall but once again, our plan has been thrown to the birds so we will be making the move back in less than 3 weeks. We now have 17 days to find a place to live in Atlanta, pack our house, move our things, beg our doctors to take us back, switch utilities and memberships, learn to crawl, finally eat at our few must-eat places in Savannah before we leave, kayak our backyard just so we can say we took advantage of our settings, throw an oyster roast for our Savannah friends, and start a new job. Whew. I need a nap again.

I can't lie - I wanted to wrap my Savannah experience with a pretty yellow bow and then say, okay let's go home now, I'm ready. I am not good with endings, you know that. But all of a sudden last Friday I found myself accepting a sweet invitation to join a women's bible study in Atlanta all the while knowing that my husband was about to get off the phone with his potential new employer and most likely tell me that he would need to start asap - hence, no new friends and bible study for me. Yes, I've wanted to come back to the comforts of home...a church we love, grandparents and family close by, familiar dry cleaners and favorite lunch spots but I really thought the fat lady would sing before that really happened so soon. I wanted to tie that perfect ribbon around the lessons we learned while being out of our comfort zone and somewhat- isolated for what seemed like forever but was merely a blip on the radar screen. I sort of feel like we are giving up too soon but in my sheer tiredness I just have to exhale and trust that this is our story and not our timing.


So once again the lesson in all of this....repeat after me......I AM NOT IN CONTROL. Ouch. Again, I AM NOT IN CONTROL. YOU ARE NOT IN CONTROL. The first post I started to write today said just that over and over as if writing on a black board in middle school for punishment but I thought you might send me to the crazy house if I actually hit PUBLISH POST.

And that's the beauty of it all. We are not in control and as much as we plot and seek and plan and strategize and dream, we serve a much larger God that delights in His plans for us and His plan for the world - which thankfully, He uses me in that plan. How cool! Today I cant think of the teenciest reason why we would have children less than 15 months apart from each other but I know God has written our story and He has the most divine purpose for this little baby's life. He already knows the deep bond that will be formed between Brooks and his slightly younger sibling. He knows the way my heart will crumble once again when we finally meet this "shim" in nearly 6 months. He knows. Luckily, in this state of mental and physical exhaustion for both Brad and I - we can know that He knows and that is all we need to know. I am so so thankful that I don't have to have answers for myself right now. It would take too much energy to come up with some. I am so glad that I can just rest in knowing the the Lord knows our steps. He knows the hairs on my head just as He knows why we spent these short six months on the coast. He knows that my heart doesn't have the capacity to take all of this in right now so I can just rest in Him and trust wholeheartedly that I am not in control because I am so dearly loved - not because I am not capable. His story is so much better for me than any chapter I could start to author. I guarantee I'd still be writing about my purpose and my passion and asking you to tell me "who I am" were I to even try to write even just the prologue of this story. Thankfully, 2 short years after marriage I know my purpose atleast for now - to pour into my spouse and build him up so he can be the best father, worker and husband. Secondly, right now I have two precious lives to look after but more so, two fragile little souls to point to our gracious God. That is huge purpose but purpose I never would have dreamed 2 years ago. (Realistically my purpose this month has been to wear in our couch and our cozy bed!)

Oh, and I've chopped my hair to my shoulders and gone blonde! I love it!
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I lied. I am just wondering what more big news I could throw into this one post. Thank you for walking beside us in this adventure. Thank you for sending me your recipes when I am too tired to even think of a meal to cook my poor family. Thank you for encouraging me when I "dump" all of this news on you. Thank you for praying for the details of this move to work out perfectly. Thank you for offering your blood, sweat, and tears to help move our things into place. Oh, ooops, no one has been that generous. We're still grateful though. Thank you!!! Atlanta bound in T-minus 3 weeks.