Catch up

Happy first Monday in June. Where did May go? And while we're at it, where has 2010 gone? Sometimes this seems like the longest year of my life because we have already lived in two places and Brad has had two jobs and we are thinking about two babies. All of that shouldn't have been able to happen in the span of 5 months but it has and I know one day I will think that it has made us stronger but for now - it has just made us tired and longing for stability and normalcy. I say that not even really knowing what "normal" is anymore and hoping I can just keep embracing the new normal that seems to come each day.

Last night I had a good much needed cry as we crept into our clean sheets (thanks to my amazing mother-in-law) after a long weekend in Charleston. One of my very best friends was married this weekend in the perfect setting in our favorite city. Ever since she boldly asked me to be in her wedding several months ago (knowing I would be way-pregnant and HUGE) I have had this mental date to get to. Up until this weekend, mentally, we were a family of 3, living in Atlanta, slowly adjusting to life with a baby. But I've known in the back of my head that after this wonderful weekend - another baby would join our family very soon. Honestly, I haven't really emotionally accepted this prior to the weekend. I don't know how I do that - block things like babies and such out of my head as if it isn't real? It's a terribly dangerous skill. So as I crawled into bed last night I knew today would be different and the lingering "change" that is so evident to everyone who sees my stomach would soon be very evident to me... and thus, I needed a good cry.

I've been very honest on this blog about this pregnancy. I am often ashamed that I would have such hesitation regarding this new life but I also know that this is me - this is where I am and it is much healthier for me to acknowledge my fear then to paint a peachy picture full of belly photo shots and nursery updates and baby shower joy to those who know me best.

The reason I am able to be so raw with myself is because ultimately, I do fully trust the Lord's plans for me with all of my heart. I can openly say I wouldn't have planned the last two years this way and I can honestly admit that I am not ready for another person to be in our family but I also know that despite my confidence in the plans before us - I know they have been planned and thought about by someone far more capable of knowing what is really best for me and our family. And as I experienced with Brooks, the moment this new person enters the world I know my heart will stretch and grow to have plenty of room to love yet another baby boy. But until then bear with me - there may be a few shaky days as the mid-August due date fast approaches and I release my fingers from my grip of control.

The bride's dad was so cute this weekend. He was jovial and proud as any father of the bride would be. He was telling us a funny story of how he replied to his daughter when she was in the 2nd grade and asked about where babies come from. He says he wondered why he always got these questions when his wife was away and then gave his best answer to a then 8 year old. "You see, when a man is following God and he is looking at Him for all of his needs then he'll meet a woman and when she is doing the same thing - looking up - then they will get married. When they are both looking to God for everything in their life then they start to grow closer and closer to each other and the love between them grows so big that one day another person has to come along to take all of the extra love that is spilling over. That is where a baby comes from and we'll leave it at that," he concluded. And for many years that is where my friend knew babies came from. Pretty good explanation I think.

It was interesting. I sat and thought - goodness, I wish that was my story and I wish I had the confidence to tell my inquisitive 2nd grader that same story. My story seems to allow babies to enter the world without much thought or planning or even trying! But really, the good news is - I do know, deep down, that that is my story. I know that God knows that these two precious boys are supposed to be given to us....no one else but us. I know He has found me suitable to raise these two boys to be His warriors on earth. I know that He knows that I will mess up and I will cry and I will get really frustrated and tired and at times like last night - I will even wonder what He may have been thinking to have chosen me? Amid all of that - I do know that this story is the Lord's plan for me and for Brad. I can easily say that this is the season where I feel most out of control in my life. And though I am very scared of the changes that are about to occur - mainly because I didn't plan them - I also know that when I am out of control God is in control and He knows my fears, too.

Anyway.....I have no more mental time lines to hurdle before this baby. Now it is just the logistical obstacles that I actually enjoyed conquering the first go round. Where will this baby sleep? What can I stroll him in daily so we can get out of the house? What will I do with him and another still-very-young-baby roaming around the house? I trust that the extra love that is spilling over between Brad and i will be enough to take care of these and many other details along with this new person. All I am called to do is love this new baby more than myself - the clothes and the stroller and the cute baby crib are just extras. This thought last night was enough to quiet my tears and eventually allow me to get to sleep. Thank you, God, for your assurance even at the most unusual times.
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Last week was a whirlwind around here as we prepared for our first getaway together in several months. More so, my mind was completely not present as we were saddened with the news of a very dear friend who suffered a stroke at a very young age last week. I am so thankful that our friend is expected to fully recover but we know it will be a long journey for him and his wife who is so precious to me and our family. Please keep my friend and her husband on the top of your prayer list for these next several weeks. I truly believe the power of many many people praying over this sweet couple last week is what has lifted them to a more stable place with an optimistic outlook for their future. I am humbled to be a part of this journey with my friends as we get to see the Lord at work to heal our friend and to bring a marriage and a community very close. Thank you for your prayers and for believing that God is present and alive even in the most unlikely and unwelcoming circumstances.
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Our Memorial Day was spent picnicking with friends and lounging by the pool - or several pools! Here is Brooks and Molly Anne with their older friend, Sutton, learning how to be a big kid! I just love watching these kiddos grow up!

This weekend was spent sleeping in - or not necessarily sleeping late but not jumping out of bed to rescue a 12 month old from his slumber! We also walked over the Cooper River Bridge in Charleston several times and enjoyed not pushing a stroller. We walked all over Charleston and enjoyed the Spoleto arts festival and the fun festivities of a wedding of two favorite friends.


Brooks spent the weekend in the care of Grandma and Big Daddy. I am not sure exactly what they did every hour but I can tell you the little man was in heaven. They took him to the air show at the airport and played with him in the yard. They took him to the park in the neighborhood and I am sure he was never left to play alone. I'll admit, the first few days I was very happy to have a break but by yesterday I was so anxious to race home in time to see the little man and squeeze him. We rushed home and the 2nd string of babysitters - my mom -had just put him down. Let's just say he wanted NOTHING to do with me! Literally, he lunged towards my mom and looked as me as if I was a stranger in his house. I am not sure if I am happy that he had a good weekend and grew attached to the grandparents or if I am traumatized that he didn't remember me. Hello, I carried you for 10 months and gave birth to your massive head and I am with you every day - all day...I am your mother! Anyway, I am so glad he had a good weekend and I just hope the grandparents are up for a weekend with TWO grandboys!!!

I am sure Brooks ate lots of yummy cookin from his grandma and Big Daddy! And I am sure he entertained them with the doggy-door.....his latest discovery!

All I know is that he was pooped and this is how we found him after he finally fell asleep last night. He kinda reminds me of the good witch in the Wizard of Oz! I guess a tired baby doesn't care about comfort.