Baby giggles

Lastnight I crashed an outdoor concert that a neighbor of mine was hosting for over 100 young adults in his back yard. An angelic voice lifted beautiful words above our rooftops for nearly 3 hours and I enjoyed about half of it - uninvited of course. The get-together was mostly made up of 25-35 year old singles who I assume attend my church here in Atlanta because I'm pretty sure it is rated the best place to meet other singles. I'm sure 4 years ago I would have been right up in the middle of the crowd, singing, and thinking more in depth about my role in the world...all the while hoping someone somewhat cute was standing next to me thinking that I was cute, too. In the middle of the concert the host placed some questions on the projector screen mostly having to do with our purpose especially as it relates to relationships and our career. Though that part of my story has been answered - the questions sat with me for the rest of the night and through today. Here I was, in my pajamas, having slept no more than 3 hours the night before, and having to have snuck away from my "job" in order to even bombard the little gathering. I couldn't have come from a more different "career" but nonetheless, I was really hit with the crappy way I have treated my job lately and I am so glad last night was the night that helped me realize this.

I've based the value of my work day on the length of time in the afternoon that both boys happen to be asleep together. I should have learned 5 months ago that this was the worst measure out there and that most often, I would lose. Even worse though, I have truly wished that the next 4 months would go by, and that the sun would come back out, and that the temperatures would warm back up, and that the boys would grow out of the stages they are in now - tantrums, short naps, and unnecessary crying. Though I hadn't thought much about being a mom before I became one I did know I didn't want to be "that" mom, the one that constantly boasted of how impossible her day was in between diapers, bottles, fusses, messes, and tears. That's the same mom that can only answer how her day has been based on the amount of work she has had to do revolving the little people. And guess what....lately, I have become that mom. Everytime I feel myself "going there" I taste it and it tastes terrible.

So thankfully last night was so good for me. I woke up today, still not too rested, but my heart had rested and my outlook on my day job was much better. We enjoyed getting out of the house this morning no matter how un-put together I looked or how many items I had to grab to even get out the door. We made our rounds to the gym, the pediatrician, and the store and then we hit up the neighborhood play group this afternoon. It was fun. Like, really fun. Brooks was laughing so hard in teh grocery cart at Publix that people were coming around the aisle to look into the commotion. There was nothing abnormally funny but to him it was slap-your-mama kinda funny and to me it was so so cute. Then at the pediatrician I had William in the baby carrier on my front and though I looked like a woman whose life you would not envy - I was so proud to have had nearly 50 pounds of "boy" to carry around in order to make the appointment. (Yes, the pediatrician is in our "rounds" these days as we've made 3 trips in 10 days!) Anyway, things were really good today and not that they were any different than yesterday but I was able to enjoy our "normal" and not wish away the hours or count the minutes until Brad walked through the door. And then just as it should be, my little heart lesson ended perfectly today at playgroup. All of the kids are several years older than Brooks. They are all precious and mostly sweet but I couldnt help but notice the innocence of my 20 month old. He tried his best to play cars with the older boys and then he made it his job to to quietly sit and devour some goldfish at a kids table while the other kids ran through the house like tornados. All the while, sweet William was just happy being in the room and being aknowleged occassionally. It's not that they were amazingly sweet babies today - it's just that their age is sweet. They may be fully hands on and I may be physically exhausted each day but they can't yet do for themselves and there was something so refreshing about that today. I actually saw their dependence on me as an asset and not a thing to wish away.

I left the playgroup just wanting to go home and play with my babies and soak up their bright eyed wonder. I know every mom with older children will say that I should enjoy these days because they fly by and I always politely nod my head but today it actually hit me....this stage IS only temporary and while I normally say that to "get through" the day - today I saw it the other way around. It is temporary and never again will I get to hear these edible giggles from the little people in my house.....so innocent...so trusting.....so satisfying.