Too much good stuff

I am sitting on the couch. Just Amos the Famous Dog and me. Dad's away hunting with my brothers. It's raining outside and it is earlier than I had hoped. Amos was choking on something this morning so I jumped out of bed to tend to my child. My coffee (and yes I still drink a half a cup daily! I think baby likes it....) is perfectly flavored this morning and the house is 95% clean which I think is pretty good after week of travel and Christmas. I started to type about the events of the last few weeks and I felt huge rivers of tears well up so I had to delay for a few minutes. These are good tears - no worries.
Yes, circumstances were wonderful. Brad and I had such a sweet time with both of our families. I was surprised with the mother of all surprises - a new king sized bed! Amos was able to play and run in South Georgia for 3 days so he is the happiest he has ever been. Mr. Brad broke our $35 stocking limit and surprised me with another huge surprise - an awesome necklace. What's better is he left the note in my stocking telling me my stocking present was in the bathtub! Who uses the bathtub in their surprise but Brad who knows that is my most favorite place! We found out this week that the little mango in my tummy is a boy - and that was such fun Christmas day news! The weather has been in the 70's and warm. We are headed to the mountains this week to enjoy some down time with some of our favorite people. I could go on and on.....things have been pleasant this week. Oh, and I actually enjoy my new "career" at the mall. I hope those sentiments last - I can't take anymore job changes until May when my job really changes. Oh, and, I have spent a whole 23 hours away from Brad and it makes me crave him! Why is that so???? I can't stop thinking about him walking through the door tonight smelling like a camp fire and smiling ear to ear. I've certainly learned that a little time away is good for the soul and the marriage.
But really what has made my heart swell is just that - my heart. The condition of that thing inside of me that helps me to really feel any emotion at all has certainly been "feeling" lately. For me - that is the thermometer. It's not really whether my outlook is rosy or slightly grey - it is more a question of whether it can feel at all. To me, numbness of the heart is much more threatening than a few gloomy thoughts. Since we learned we were expecting unexpectedly back in September my heart has seemed to just stand there - still - waiting for something more to "shock" it back to life. I know, you say, how can the news of a child not cause your heart to flip? But I don't know that answer. I just know God in His perfect timing has started to pull at the strings and slowly "feeling" is seeping back in and oh my - it do feel so good! I noticed the increase in feel-e-mones in my body a few weekends ago. Jeff Henderson, the Buckhead Church campus director, spoke "live" at church the Sunday before Christmas. Brad and I were 7 minutes late as usual. We live 1.25 miles from church and we are consistently 7 minutes late - usually causing us to miss the first song or two. We'll tackle this issue in the New Year. We both were so hurried to get there because we were needing a good dose of Christmas tunes. We rush in the door only to be greeted by the end of the last song. Needless to say, I could sense a little frustration between both of us...you see, the crazy events of the last month had just pushed the nearness of Christmas miles away and that morning we were just hoping for a little Christmas cheer. . . just a touch. So, admittedly, the first 20 minutes of service I was only half way there. Luckily, about half way through Jeff really caught my ear or my heart I should say. The bottom line is that God saw it fit that He should send a savior for me. We know He did because that is what happened. My numbness of heart comes when I forget this simple statement. I begin to forget my need for "saving" everyday. And if you grew up Catholic like I did that word just makes you cringe and think of the crazies on the sidewalk in Athens screaming at you to be saved or burn! But really I think if we all thought back about our day or even our morning - there are little things that we need saving from. I need saving from my temper all to often. I didn't even know I had a temper until I got a dog and a sweet husband. I usually need saving from my selfishness. Selfishness just doesn't leave anyone feeling anymore full...it just seems to make me feel empty and alone. Mostly though I need saving from my pride. Oh how I hate those little feelings of "rightness" that spring into my head at every turn in marriage. I wasn't created to be "right" and even if I were it just never leaves me feeling as good as I thought it would when I started out on my plight to be right! So on this particular Sunday Jeff spoke right to me. He spoke right to my need for a Savior and though He never came out and told me I needed one because I was crummy alot of the time he did ask me to just consider whether I agree with God's assumption. You see, God assumed I would need one. So He sent one. Do I agree with His assumption? Yes. Fully. And on this Sunday for some reason I felt it more than ever. And this is the day my heart started "feeling" again. I miss the intimacy with my Savior that I have known for so many years. I miss my full heart that comes from just knowing someone came so that I might live a vibrant life. I love the word vibrant! Who doesn't want to live vibrantly? Who doesn't want more than mediocrity?

My prayer for my family and yours is that we might fully know the gift given to us this Christmas season. I was sick shopping for a few presents this year that I had to find because I knew a few people would have me something. I love to give to others so it isn't that.....actually if I could spend $100 dollars a month I would take you to lunch and buy surprises for people but I just hate it when it seems so automated......so forced. Really, my heart just wanted to recognize the ultimate gift that had been given on my behalf and for some reason it took 3/4's of a Christmas season to pass before my heart couldn't take it anymore and it broke. It broke that Sunday and has since felt so good not having to be closed tight. May God be near to you and your heart this week and may you, too, question whether you believe God's assumption about your need for a Savior is accurate?