Updated resume

Hey mommy's friends,
This is Brooks. My brother is coming soon and my mom has lost it! She lays on the couch and eats these colorful things on sticks over and over and over again and she just asks me to bring things to her and throw her sticks away. "Brooks, go get mommy your book and I'll read to you." Whatever mom, you make up the words to my books - I know everything isn't a duck! She calls the aardvark in my book a "duck" for real and then thinks I should tell her that the aardvark quacks. Just because my mommy is "soooo tired" as she says, I am not tired and I want to know about the stinkin aardvark!

Anyway, since she is "soooo tired" she says she can barely type or write funny things but since I am a pretty big deal around here and doing some amazing new things - I thought I'd tell yall or someone that will listen. I'm going to be looking at colleges here soon and knowing my mama, she'll probably be fat with another baby again and too tired to move!
So, here is what I've been up to this past month. I am 13 months going on a superstar, that's all.

-Because they always call me a monkey I thought I'd play the part and I can now tell you what sound a real monkey makes (ooooh,oooooh,ooooooh)
-I can go and fetch things (Do you think my mama is taking advantage of me? I throw away her trash and my diapers and sometimes even her keys just to see if she likes my game. She doesn't.)
-I can point to my nose and my ears and everyone laughs when mom asks if I have a booger and I point in my nose. I don't get it but whatever....
-I like to stand at the window when I see dad's cool truck pull up in the evening and I bang on the window and yell "da da da" at him. Then Amos knocks me over and mom gets all mad and yells at Amos but really I'm not hurt - I just like to see her reaction.
-I can throw everything! Seriously, everything. Give me my cup - I can launch it. Put food on my tray if I am not hungry and I will throw it in your hair or on Amos (that's my favorite). Give me your phone to distract me and Ill chunk it across the room or restaurant or whatever. Innocent? They used to say that word to me and I don't know what it means but I haven't heard it lately.
-I can pelvis thrust.
-Yes, you read it right, people. Daddy taught me how to lay on the bed and act like a moron like him, Mom acts like we aren't funny but I always catch her laughing. She just wishes she wasn't so oddly shaped right now so she could to it, too.
-I love dogs but not Amos. Amos ignores me so I am done with him. I love to chase other "do-dos" and try to catch their tails. I've been bitten a few times but it doesn't stop me.
-I like to sing to my music that mom lets me listen to in the car. I like the "hot, hot, hot" song and sing along by saying "ha, ha, ha" to which mom smiles back at me. Goodness, she will smile at anything I do. You'd think she was bored before I came along to entertain her.
-Shoes. I love shoes! I will sit forever trying to get my new crocs on but then when I get in the car I like to take them off and let my feet breathe. Even if you have little people feet - your feet still sweat and may even stink a litle! Mom is always so surprised when she smells my feet. She says, "sheeeeweeeeey" and I just think that is the funniest sound and it always makes me giggle. Has she checked out her feet lately? Oh, yeah, she can't see them.
-I can show you my two teeth. Yes, I said two. Don't judge me or put me on a chart. I think 2 teeth are much cuter than 4 or 8 and I may just stay this way for a long time. My grandma says my dad didn't get teeth for awhile but mom says when he got them they sure were pretty so I think it's worth the wait.
-I know where my tongue is. My parents aren't going to like this trick once my brother gets here and I show him my tongue when he is bothering me.
-I love making people feel silly by giving them this face that my grandad "Big" does....he is so good at it and I thought I'd try it too. 13 months old and already intimidating! What can I say? I was born with these big old eyebrows and I gotta use 'em!
-Dance? Did you say, dance? Oh boy, I've got moves that would make your granny sweat. Mom says I actually have rhythm, too, unlike my daddy. Hello, have you seen him pelvic thrust and kick his legs on the bed? She doesn't know what she is missing!
-I love my Nise and when I see her I get really excited. Normally when she leaves I walk around saying "NeeNee" but I won't call her that too her face until I can say it a little better. She crawls on the floor with me and plays when my mama says she's too tired to think.
-Oh, I almost forgot. I've got this walking thing down. I can bend down and touch my toes and pick up things and practically run in the yard. I also know how to go over the step down in our house without my mom having to hold my hand every time.
-I can flirt. Are you surprised? Do you know my daddy? I love to flirt with my friend, Ally Grace. She kicks her legs because she isn't crawling yet (which makes it easier for me to be near her) so I just kick my legs back and try to show her how fond I am of her and her moves.

Mom is shouting more things at me that I know how to do but I can't type that fast and it's my bed time. I love my bed, yall! This morning I slept until 8:30 and made daddy late for work because he was thinking I'd be up earlier to wake him. I was dreaming of Ally Grace and mandarin oranges (my favorite) and Elmo and I didn't want to end those kind of thoughts! Do you blame me?

I'll check back with yall next month as I am sure I'll be paying the bills around here and doing the laundry as my mom seems to think that our family is going to be in chaos once my brother comes. She really is so dramatic! I am here to help, mom!
Why are they making such a fuss over this guy? By then I'll be tying my shoes and mowing the yard like my daddy and he'll just be sleeping and pooing all the time. I'll make sure they remember who was here first, don't worry.

Good Night, yall. My daddy has to sing "Jesus loves me" now as he takes me to my bed because that's what he does every night. It may not sound all that great but I love this time with dad so much. I hope even when mama isn't big and tired anymore that she'll still let dad put me to bed. Plus, he sometimes lets me sleep in my diaper and mom would never let that fly!

Love,
Brooks